~by Tommy Prince
"Scars have the strange power to remind us that our past is real, the events that cause them can never be forgotten."
~Cormac McCarthy, All the Pretty Horses
Scars are a powerful reminder we have a past. We have an emotional scar, an ever present reminder:
SHE IS NOT HERE
is accentuated every holiday,
every family get-together.
Holidays are brutal. So-called "holidays" are now worse than normal days.
I cannot take another special event without her. It is NOT special. Our baby is not here with us to enjoy it, to enjoy life.
A part of us is always dying, and those events are just reminders that our dream world, our incubator of love and sweetness and all that is sacred, was smashed to pieces in our faces.
Then add to it TOXICITY of family...
"Friends, like fish, start stinking after 3 days."
Family (when steeped in toxicity), like rotten fish, starts stinking after 3 seconds.
There Are Just Some Things We Cannot Do Any More...
I was planning to go to a family event recently.
In actuality, it was a d**n freak show. (Let's just say someone hired a body-guard for the event if that tells you anything...)
"We can do this 'for one of the kids,'" I was telling myself...
Then it hit me:
No, We Can't.
We Are Rendered As Helpless As Little Children Ourselves.
And If We Don't Protect Ourselves, I ask myself, Who Will?!
It's time now to be a good-enough parent to ourselves...
In a medical Intensive Care Unit, all possible germs are exterminated for safety purposes.
So too, in an "Emotional Intensive Care Unit,"
(that each of us in Child-Loss Grief needs to create for ourselves in our homes and in our communities that we may grieve in a healthy way),
All Possible Toxicity Must Be Eradicated...