Wednesday's Woe - The King Who Would Be Caved

Wednesday's Woe

The King Who Would Be Caved

"I feel like a David in a world of Sauls," Tommy said to me this morning.

"I feel like most of the world is out to get me, and like David, the tendency is to want to go live in the wilderness!"

I said,

"Yes, and we are surrounded by a bunch of Jonathans telling us,

'Oh, no all is safe. There is really no danger awaiting you!'

"Then we step out of the house, and BLAM! We are accosted by things that set off all our alarms in our already hyper-vigilant bodies.

"So, yes, like David, the tendency is to want to go live in the wilderness and reside in a bunch of deep, dark caves!"

Our hearts, souls, minds, bodies, and spirits have already been accosted by the death of our precious child. Why don't people understand, there is no further margin for our systems to add additional assaults?! So naturally, we are self-protective. Some stress will always be there to contend with, but why invite unnecessary stress? We are the ones who have to determine what is safe and what is not safe, and even then, there will be unforeseen surprises...

Most people do not understand, we are not just contending with GRIEF, which is hard enough, mind you, as we are dealing with the world's worst kind of Grief, which is Child-Loss Grief... But we are also contending with systems assaulted by the TRAUMA of losing our child which throws us into an extremely sensitive state that is very, very capable of being re-traumatized by secondary losses or even threats of loss, as well as any secondary injuries even of people's carelessness, or of their thoughtless statements piled onto our original injuries...

*****

So David got away and escaped to the Cave of Adullam.

~1 Samuel 21:1a The Message

David continued to live in desert hideouts and the backcountry wilderness hills of Ziph... David kept out of the way (of Saul) in the wilderness of Ziph, secluded at Horesh...

~from 1 Samuel 23:14-15, The Message

Some Ziphites went to Saul at Gibeah and said, "Did you know that David is hiding out near us in the caves and canyons of Horesh?"

~from 1 Samuel 23:19, The Message

Meanwhile, David and his men were in the wilderness of Maon, in the desert south of Jeshimon. Saul and his men arrived and began their search. When David heard of it, he went south to Rock Mountain, camping out in the wilderness of Maon. Saul heard where he was and set off for the wilderness of Maon in pursuit. Saul was on one side of the mountain, David and his men on the other. David was in full retreat, running, with Saul and his men closing in, about to get him. Just then a messenger came to Saul and said, "Hurry! Come back! The Philistines have just attacked the country!"

So Saul called off his pursuit of David and went back to deal with the Philistines. That's how that place got the name Narrow Escape. David left there and camped out in the caves and canyons of En Gedi.

~from 1 Samuel 23:24-29, The Message

...Then Saul went home and David and his men went up to their wilderness refuge.

~from 1 Samuel 24:22, The Message

Picture, thanks to Google

Scriptures from "The Message"

Saturday's Sayings - Grief Needs a Safe Place

Saturday's Sayings

Grief Needs a Safe Place

The first thing that grief needs is a safe place. People rarely grieve in a foxhole or when under pressure/stress. There are exceptions such as when our grief is so overwhelming that it comes pouring out whenever it wishes. But most times our grief seeks a place where we have a sense of safety. Children often will find their grief when they are "tucked in" and ready to go to sleep. At that moment they sense a certain safety and when this is combined with a loving presence from a parent their grief can often flow.

Think about your own safe places. Where does your grief flow? Where do you feel safe? In your bedroom? With a close friend? Talking with others? Alone in a quiet place? At the cemetery?

You can be pretty sure that where ever your grief flows freely you likely feel safe.

It is important to point out that we all find safety in very different places.

Differences in Men and Women's Grief, generally:

Recent research has helped us to understand that men and women tend to have very different safe places. The work of Shelly Taylor, Ph.D. of UCLA has shown that under stress women will be more likely to move towards interaction with others while men will be more likely to move towards taking an action or moving towards inaction and self-reflection. The women seem to prefer a face-to-face mode while the men are more likely to prefer a shoulder-to-shoulder or solitary approach.

Knowing our loved one's safe places can be a big help in being sensitive to their grief and paths to work with it.

Once we have a safe place we then find a way to tell our story within that safety.

~Tom Golden (highlights and subtitle, mine)

~Tom Golden - http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=139007132785721