Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Thursday's Therapy - "Mystery and Manners"

Thursday's Therapy

"Mystery and Manners"

Flannery O'Connor, an ingenious southern writer from my home state of Georgia, wrote a brilliant book for writers called, Mystery and Manners (which includes essays she had written spanning the years 1957 through 1969). In it, she made many a profound statement, several of which I hope to share with you in today's post!

I have been very grieved this week. As a child-loss-grieving-mother, I seek out a lot of connection and support from Facebook grief groups. As you and I know, the civilians in our childloss-grief-war aren't ones much for wanting to hear our mourning song, so we look to other grievers who are suffering, like we are, to uplift us. In one of my grief groups this week, a grieving mother succumbed to her pain (see yesterday's post) and took her own life. As hard as this tragedy is on those of us who were "facebook friends" of this precious soul, it became even more complicated when others outside our group wanted --in a sense-- to pile on to the tragedy by demonizing the leader of this particular group.

The leader of this particular grief group is, by self-profession, a practicing Jew; her group is specifically for those of us grieving parents who have lost an adult child, or young adult child. I think due to the nature of the group itself, there are some serious complications to our grief. For one, many of us were in the throes of "tough-love" kinds of discipline due to the age and new-found independence of our children in pursuing all kinds of endeavors that might have been harmful for them. There are also a number of members who are surviving one of the most painful kinds of death a parent could endure, and that is the death of their child by their own hands via suicide; you and I can at least begin to imagine the degree of angst in many of these parents' lives.

There are both Christ-believers in the group, and non-Christ-believers. Many of you who read my blog are Christians, and so you know the degree of comfort we can find in our Lord, and in knowing where our child is, and that we will get to be with them again. But, imagine the depths of angst and pain if a parent does not have those comforts to draw from...

So after the suicide of one of the grieving mothers in this group, some of the other grief group leaders began to be fairly nasty to our group leader. Unfortunately these other grief-group leaders are Christians, and though they have every right to stand on their convictions when they are afraid folks might be hurt by certain practices, they have seemingly overstepped their boundaries and have become particularly harsh toward our group leader.

Again, using some wise words of Flannery O'Connor, "Your criticism sounds to me as if you have read too many critical books and are too smart in an artificial, destructive, and very limited way." She also confirms what I feel, "Conviction without experience makes for harshness."

What these other group leaders seem to miss is the capability of our great God to move mightily by "the action of grace in territory largely held by the devil." (~O'Connor) Child-loss throws us all into the tumultuous territory of Satan's particular ground of, as Christ describes, "(coming) to kill, steal, and destroy." We stand with these grieving parents "at a peculiar crossroads where time and place and eternity somehow meet," and O'Connor challenges us, our "problem is to find that location."

O'Connor also says,

"Mystery is a great embarrassment to the modern mind. This generation has been made to feel that the aim of learning is to eliminate mystery...

"Mystery isn't something that is gradually evaporating. It grows along with knowledge."

For most of us, it remains a mystery why our child had to die. For Tommy, he questioned,

"Why did my child end up getting killed in spite of me praying for her everyday ... that God watch over her and keep her safe?"

And once our child did die, many of us ask like I did,

"Where IS my child?"

We've spent the entire life of our child protecting them; when they are suddenly taken, the protector in us is still very present, demanding to know,

"Where is my child now? Is she okay?!"

Particularly in the first year, we both wondered that, even though in theory, or by faith, we KNOW where she is, our spirits, our hearts, our souls would still cry out,

"Is she okay NOW ?!"

The Christian group leaders should know, Christian or not, we parents are going to go through the same angst of wondering where our child is upon the point of death. Christians and non-Christians alike will have a lot of the same questions. To not expect unbelievers to seek the answers in unorthodox ways is naive. (One area of particular contention of the Christian leaders is that several in one of my grief groups admittedly seek out psychics or mediums, they are so desperate for answers.)

Everything we've known up to the point of our child's death was essentially experienced through our earthly senses... being able to touch our child, talk to our child, hug our child, feed our child, breathe in our child's aroma, check on our child, speak to our child, hear our child, call our child...

and then when death happens, all we sense is a great big empty blank where our child once was???

Now we are left to gape into that black emptiness of our child's permanent absence from this earth where we had come to know them so well???

And we learn, that just because our child is absent does not mean we are not preoccupied with them. In fact, we are probably MORE preoccupied with them than ever before.

So, yes, there's mystery... Not just for the non-Christian, but for the Christian as well. And we are all raw, so terribly raw. The way we speak to one another needs to be terribly gentle, for we are ALL searching, questioning, second-guessing ourselves and our actions with our child. And each and every aspect of our lives with our child will have to be visited and revisited many times. It is all a part of our healing. It is normal.

We therefore know how cruel it is for the non-child-loss-grief civilians to insist it's time we "move on" before we've barely even begun our grief process. It is harmful; it is callous; it is cruel.

But we grievers can be just as unkind to one another as well when we speak even what we see as "the truth" in a cruel and insensitive manner.

Christ was indeed tough on the Pharisees who should have known better, leaders of the temple who were pompous and arrogant about the things of God, yet missed the blatant truth of God's Own Son standing there before them. And they were putting themselves in the position of God's mouthpiece to others, so Jesus was extremely tough on them (e.g., "Ye brood of vipers," "You are the blind leading the blind," etc.) but with the meek, the humble, the wounded, Christ was gentle, compassionate, and patient -- He was true to Himself in always speaking truth to them, yes, but He was loving, and the people could feel it.

Jesus always spoke His truth in love. Sometimes people were able to receive it and respond to it; sometimes they were unable to receive it at the time "and went away sorrowful." But Jesus was always kind and truthful, speaking the truth in a way they could receive it if they so chose. And so should we.

Flannery O'Connor called her book "Mystery and Manners." May we respect the mysteries many of us cannot understand this side of Heaven, and use loving manners as we receive one another's grief and all it entails (fears, extensive time, angst, questions, sometimes bad choices to get our questions answered, anger, hurt, confusion, etc.). We are all in this together and our words (just as civilians' words) can bring further hurt or can foster healing. May our words to one another foster healing.

And may we trust God's grace to abound "where eternity meets time and place," very likely in this very "location" of our child's death, for God always seeks the seekers. As my clients have often reminded me, God found them in the midst of their seeking, even in the most lurid of places, doing the most lurid of deeds amidst their desperation. As O'Connor so wisely put it,

"Most of us come to the church by a means the church does not allow."

Flannery O'Connor quotes taken from her books, Mystery and Manners: Occasional Prose, and The Habit of Being: Letters of Flannery O'Connor

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Wednesday's Woe - A Tribute to the Life of Grieving Mother Yvonne...

One of Yvonne's "Wall Photos" on Facebook

Wednesday's Woe

A Tribute to the Life of Grieving Mother Yvonne...

The depth of pain for many of us can go this far. I had been off Facebook for a couple of days only to discover this afternoon that two days ago, a beloved sister-in-grief, Yvonne, succumbed to her child-loss pain and took her own life.

So sad. So sobering. It is so painful to walk through life without our child. And then we hear of a precious mother who could no longer tolerate the pain. Her young adult son died suddenly of what the doctors think was an undiagnosed condition of an enlarged heart. He died only 8 months ago. My Facebook friend had so much pain from childhood, then in adulthood, yet her child brought so much joy to her life. Since his death, she has been in great emotional turmoil, and in great physical pain from an ongoing illness and from an injury that was keeping her from her work of 16 years in which she helped people with developmental disabilities. She couldn't get on disability herself, and she was becoming more and more depressed. She had much support from other grieving "sisters," but the pain evidently became too great...

Yvonne was an honest, candid, open person on Facebook, supportive of others while realistic about the depths of pain that occur in child-loss grief.

On her Facebook wall, she had written under the category, "Religious Views,"

"I believe in God and love. Although, since I lost my precious son, I sometimes wonder if God loves me."

I pray that she is at peace now and knows beyond a shadow of a doubt how great God's love for her truly is.

Yvonne, precious sister-in-grief, may you rest in God's arms tonight, forever wrapped in His love and in His perfect peace. And may you smile to see your precious son there by your side.

Please pray for Yvonne's family tonight as they mourn a beautiful and beloved soul.

May we continue to love and support one another in our grief amidst often overwhelming pain.

I had used the picture below on my blog a couple of months ago, thanks to Yvonne's kindness. After Yvonne's own son's death, a friend of hers wrote the following poem for her on her son's birthday. It is amazing to me how her friend's poem goes with the picture Yvonne loaned me. May its message be true for Yvonne today...

"Somewhere a journey begins at the end

of the worldly existence we know.

Somewhere a path stretches over the stars,

and rivers of memories flow...

Somewhere a silence is heard far away,

and the brightness of day

fills the night.

Where the trials of life are resolved into peace...

when a soul finds its way to the light."

~Delores Felix

Rest in Peace, Yvonne...

Monday, August 29, 2011

Tuesday's Trust - How Do You Walk Down the Path of Healing?

Tuesday's Trust

How Do You Walk Down the Path of Healing?

After five years, we have a real good idea of where NOT to go for healing. We have learned, sometimes admittedly the hard way, NOT to go around toxicity, whether it lies in toxic family members, toxic friends, toxic church members, or in toxic pagan rituals that have been (wittingly or unwittingly) adopted by the institutional church. (See footnote*)

Child-loss parents now seem to have a clarity of mind, heart, and soul that senses toxicity, any pollutants to the genuinely sacred. We seem to spot power-mongers within the institutional church, fakeness posing as comfort, or platitudes that may sound reasonable but are not truthful and therefore bring no real comfort.

Just like the prophets, we are "out of sync" with the conventional "wisdom." And just like the prophets, our authenticity of faith in the One who turned over the tables of the temple of old when God's sacred temple was being contaminated from its true purposes, we too become a threat of sorts to the "powers that be."

We no longer have any tolerance for "teasing,"(See footnote**) whether spiritual, emotional or transformational (e.g., "Come hear a sermon, and you will be transformed," when our experience reveals, "No I won't! I won't be transformed until I hear from Jesus!"). We no longer have a tolerance for pretend-land, for denial, for semblances of the truly sacred that are not authentic. Such tolerance is no longer allowed, for we can no longer afford to be blind, to be gullible, to be sucked in to anything less than the One who Himself is true.

"We know also that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know Him who is true. And we are in Him who is true -- even in His Son Jesus Christ."

~1 John 5:20

Like the tsunami that hit Japan, when we experienced the death of our beloved child, many of our foundations have been scattered at the very least, if not decimated and demolished at the worst. We need to reconstruct mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally, building on only what is True, and we can afford no contaminants to enter into that sacred process.

In this rebuilding process, we may very well find that like "The Compassionate Friends" often warn, "Friends (and family) often become strangers, and strangers often become friends."

Our vulnerability warns us to be careful, asking, "Where can I go?" ~ "Who can I turn to?" and "How do we walk down the path of healing for our deep grief and trauma?"

In answer to this heart-felt dilemma, we invite you to turn to this very inspired song that asks many of our same heart-felt questions:

I Go to the Rock

~The Crabb Family

Where can I turn...

when there's no one else I can turn to?

Who am I gonna talk to...

when nobody wants to listen?

Who am I gonna lean on...

when there's no foundation stable?

I go to the Rock

I know that's able;

I go to the Rock!

I go to the Rock of my salvation;

I go to the Stone that the builders rejected.

I run to the Mountain,

and the Mountain stands by me!

The earth all around me is sinking sand,

On Christ the Solid Rock I stand;

When I need a Shelter, when I need a Friend,

I go to the Rock.

O where can I hide...

till the storms have all passed over?

Where am I gonna run to...

when those winds of sorrow threaten?

Is there a Refuge

in those times of great tribulation?

When my soul needs a consolation,

I go to the Rock!

I go to the Rock of my salvation;

I go to the Stone that the builders rejected.

I run to the Mountain,

and the Mountain stands by me!

The earth all around me is sinking sand,

On Christ the Solid Rock I stand;

When I need a Shelter, when I need a Friend,

I go to the Rock!

(Bridge: harmonica, etc.)

Gonna go to the Rock of my salvation;

I go to the Stone that the builders rejected.

I run to the Mountain,

and the Mountain stands by me!

The earth all around me is sinking sand,

On Christ the Solid Rock I stand;

When I need a Shelter, when I need a Friend,

I go to the Rock!

I go (I go) to the Rock (to the Rock)

I go to the Rock (when I need a friend)

I go (Yeah, there's no friend like Jesus) to the Rock.

I go (Yes I go to the Rock) to the Rock

I go to the Rock (when I need some Joy)

I go (In His presence, there's fullness of joy, yeah)

to the rock; I go (I go) to the Rock (to the Rock)

I go to the Rock (when my body needs healing)

I go (Go get you some healing...)

*Frank Viola and George Barna discuss in great detail many of the toxicities that have crept into the institutional church in the past centuries and even up to the current years in their book Pagan Christianity. They make a great point that we should NOT confuse today's institutional church with God's spiritual organism of His creation that He calls the church, which is the body of Christ in which the Head is in Heaven, while the body is on earth. (1 Corinthians 12:12, Acts 9:4-5, Ephesians 5:23, and Colossians 1:18, 2:19)

**George Barna states it well:

"The heart of the Revolutionaries are not in question. There is ample research to show that they are seeking more of God. They have a passion to be faithful to His Word and to be more in tune with His leading. They ardently want their relationship with the Lord to be their top priority in life. They are tired of the institutions, denominations, and routines getting in the way of a resonant connection with Him. They are worn out on the endless programs that fail to facilitate transformation. They are weary of being sent off to complete assignments, memorize facts and passages, and engage in simplistic practices that do not draw them into God's presence.

These are people who have experienced the initial realities (and I would add, or even the life-long realities) of a genuine connection with God. They can no longer endure the spiritual teasing offered by churches and other well-meaning ministries. God is waiting for them. They want Him. No more excuses."

(italics, mine)

Picture, thanks to

Book cited, Pagan Christianity, by Frank Viola and George Barna (2008)


Sunday, August 28, 2011

Monday's Mourning Ministry - On the 29th, 29 Pearls to Remember about Our Loved Ones in Heaven... / Always Love you ~Nicole C. Mullen

Monday's Mourning Ministry

On the 29th,

29 Pearls to Remember

about Our Loved Ones in Heaven...


Always Love you

~Nicole C. Mullen

29 Pearls to Remember About Our Loved Ones in Heaven

"The voice of weeping shall be no more heard."

~Isaiah 65:19

  • The glorified weep no more, for all outward causes of grief are gone.
  • There are no broken friendships, nor blighted prospects in heaven.
  • Poverty, famine, peril, persecution, and slander, are unknown there.
  • No pain distresses,
  • No thought of death or bereavement saddens.
  • They weep no more, for they are perfectly sanctified.
  • No "evil heart of unbelief" prompts them to depart from the living God;
  • They are without fault before his throne, and are fully conformed to his image.
  • Well may they cease to mourn who have ceased to sin.
  • They weep no more, because all fear of change is past.
  • They know that they are eternally secure.
  • Sin is shut out, and they are shut in.
  • They dwell within a city which shall never be stormed;
  • They bask in a sun which shall never set;
  • They drink of a river which shall never dry;
  • They pluck fruit from a tree which shall never wither.
  • Countless cycles may revolve, but eternity shall not be exhausted, and
  • While eternity endures, their immortality and blessedness shall co-exist with it.
  • They are forever with the Lord.
  • They weep no more, because every desire is fulfilled.
  • They cannot wish for anything which they have not in possession.
  • Eye and ear, heart and hand, judgment, imagination, hope, desire, will, all the faculties, are completely satisfied; and
  • Imperfect as our present ideas are of the things which God hath prepared for them that love him, yet we know enough, by the revelation of the Spirit, that the saints above are supremely blessed.
  • The joy of Christ, which is an infinite fulness of delight, is in them.
  • They bathe themselves in the bottomless, shoreless sea of infinite beatitude.
  • That same joyful rest remains for us. It may not be far distant.
  • Ere long the weeping willow shall be exchanged for the palm-branch of victory, and
  • Sorrow's dewdrops will be transformed into the pearls of everlasting bliss.
  • "Wherefore comfort one another with these words."
~Bullet Points, from Charles Spurgeon's Devotional of 8/23/2011, a.m.


Always Love You

~Nicole C. Mullen

Tell me if you break the hourglass

Can you hold to what you have

Can you make the moment last?

Tell me if you give away your heart

And then life tears you apart

Is it the end or just the start?

Well no matter how far you go

I will always love you

Like a thousand rivers from my soul

I will always love you

I miss you and the funny things you say

I remember everyday

in a hundred different ways

And I miss you being here with me

and though you've been set free

I'll hold you in my memory

And no matter how far you go

I will always love you

Like a thousand rivers from my soul

I will always love you

No body is too wide

I love you

Across the great divide

And if soul to the skies above

Or conquer the earth below

There's one thing I want you to know

I want you to know

Is no matter how far you go

I will always love you

Like a thousand (thousand rivers) rivers from my ((yes, I'm gonna love you love you) soul

I will always love you (I'm gonna keep on loving you)

And no matter (no matter how far) how far you go (no matter how far)

I will always (I'm gonna keep loving, keep loving you forever) love you

Like a (ever and ever) thousand rivers from my soul

I will always love you-oo-oo-ou

Yeah, uh-huh, o baby

I'll love you.

Picture, thanks to FotoSearch

Friday, August 26, 2011

Saturday's Sayings - Paralyzed in Time in Child-Loss Grief and Trauma

Saturday's Sayings

Paralyzed in Time

in Child-Loss Grief and Trauma

"I have lived in the shadow of loss — the kind of loss that can paralyze a life, forever.

I have grieved like a professional mourner — with every waking moment, draining every ounce of life-force.

I have died — without leaving my body. I came back — and now it’s your turn.

I have learned to remember my past — without living in it...."

~Grieving Mothers


"It is frequently said that the grief of a Grieving Mother is the most intense grief known. When a child dies, parents feel that a part of them has died, that a vital and core part of them has been ripped away. The grief caused by their child's death is not only painful but profoundly disorienting.....children are not supposed to die. These parents are forced to confront an extremely painful and stressful paradox; they are faced with a situation in which they must deal both with the grief caused by their child's death and with their inherent need to continue to live their own lives as fully as possible. Thus, Grieving parents must deal with the contradictory burden of wanting to be free of this overwhelming pain and yet needing it as a reminder of the child who died. Grieving parents continue to be parents of the child who died. They will always feel the empty place in their hearts caused by the child's death; they were, and always will be, the loving father and mother of that child...."

~Grieving Mothers


  • Time plays games on the mind of a heart that has been broken.
  • (for Samuel Oct. 20, 1977-Sept. 29, 1998)

  • a spit in the ocean of time
  • was it just yesterday that i saw you last
  • you were smiling, your blue eyes bright
  • when was it, i can't remember
  • maybe in a dream last night
  • i don't know where time does go
  • somewhere beyond the sun
  • away away on the wind it flies
  • then another day is done
  • i don't want to think too very hard
  • for it brings me to my knees
  • so many years to miss you
  • oh god please help me please
  • sometimes the pain feels so very new
  • as though time has just stood still
  • and i look so hard to see you
  • but know i never will
  • but just the same your spirit lives
  • in the wind, the moon and the stars
  • you may fly by me and touch my cheek
  • and soften my heart of scars
  • the cord of love still ties us
  • firstborn child of mine
  • and as the years pass between us
  • i know, it is just a spit in the ocean of time
  • ~by renee williams


  • Dear Mom,

    I know this is a rough time for you. So I will be as gentle as I can be.
    First of all, thank you for so many tears, particularly those shared with another that you love. They are a gift to me, a precious tribute to your investment in me. As you do your mourning, do it at your pace only.
    Don't let anybody suggest that you do your grief work on their timetable. Do whatever it takes to face directly the reality of what has happened, even though you may need to pause frequently & yearn for my return. Do this with courage & my blessings.
    Know that sometimes inertia is the only movement possible. Give your best to keeping a balance between remembering me & renewing your commitments to life. It's okay with me if you go through minutes, hours & even days not thinking about me. I know that you'll never forget. Loosening me & grabbing hold of a new meaning is a delicate art. I'm not sure if one comes before the other or not, maybe it's a combination.
    Be with people who accept you as you are.
    Mention my name out loud, & if they don't make a hasty retreat, they're probably excellent candidates for friendship. If, by a remote possibility, you think that there is anything that you could have done for me & didn't, I forgive you, as my Lord does.
    Resentment does not abide here, only love. You know how people sometimes ask you how many children you have? Well, I'm still yours & you are still my Mom.
    Always acknowledge that with tenderness, unless to do so would fall on insensitive ears or would be painful to you. I know how you feel inside. To be included as your child honors me. Read, even though your tears anoint the page.
    There is an immense library here & I have a card. In Henri Nowens' (sic) "Out of Solitude" he writes, "The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair & confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief & bereavement, who can tolerate not healing, & face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."
    Mom, I don't know where you are spiritually now, but rest assured that our God is not gone. The still small voice you hear in your heart is His voice. The warmth that sometimes enfolds you is Him. The tears that tremble just beneath your heartbeat is Him. He is in you, as I am. I want you to know that I am okay.
    I have sent you messages to ease your pain, they come in the form of flowers that bloom out of season, birds singing, voices & visions & sometimes through your friends & even strangers who volunteer as angels.
    Stay open but don't expect the overly dramatic :) You will get what you need & it may be simply an internal peace. You are not crazy, you have been comforted.
    Please seek out people bereaved longer than you. They are tellers of truth, & if they have done their work, are an inspiration & a beacon of hope whose pain lessened dramatically & one more wisdom before I close. There are still funny happenings in our world. It delights me to no end when I hear your spontaneous, uncontrolled laughter. That, too, will come in due time. Today, I light a candle for you. Joined with your candle, let their light shine above the darkness.
    Your Loving Angel child.
    Anthony xoxo

~Anthony Shallo-Gloria Mejia Drobney


Honor, Express, Learn and Practice or better known as H • E • L • P™

Honor your emotions and feelings. Acknowledging and validating them is the first step towards awareness. They are real and you are normal. Remember emotions and feelings ebb and flow.

Express and experience your emotions, feelings and thoughts. It is a rollercoaster ride with many twists and turns. Expressing eases the pain and begins the process of healing. Crying, journaling, writing, listening to music, art, talking to someone, support groups are some ways that you can express and experience your emotions.

Learn how to raise your awareness, to cope and take responsibility and action for healing yourself.

Practice awareness, coping strategies, action and positive thoughts to create new possibilities in your life. Be patient grief has no timeline.

~Bonni Rubinstein



~written by Joanetta Hendel:

Don't tell me that you understand,

Don't tell me that you know...

Don't tell me that I will surely survive,

How I will surely grow...

Don't tell me this is just a test,

That I am truly blessed...

That I am chosen for the task,

Apart from all the rest...

Don't come at me with answers,

That can only come from me...

Don't tell me how my grief will pass,

That I will soon be free...

Don't stand in pious judgment,

Of the bonds that I must untie...

Don't tell me how to suffer,

And don't tell me how to cry...

My life is filled with selfishness,

My pain is all I see...

But I need you, I need your love,


Accept me in my ups and downs,

I need someone to share...

Just hold my hand and let me cry,

And say, "My friend, I care"...

~contributed by The Compassionate Friends/USA

Comments to "Don't":

~‎20 yrs later, and this still holds true~



~Hugs to all!!! I'm going to read this at my next parent's grief group..I will be sure to give the author credit. Everyone's grief is their own. No one can tell us how, or why, or when or if it's going to end. We are all now different people, whose worlds have changed, and will never be the same again.~


~ I was going to post this as my status but then saw that I had put it in a "note" on my wall back in February, the 3 year anniversary of my daughter's murder. It still holds true today as we continually have people tell us how we should be coping with (her) death. If I were brave enough, I would tattoo this on my forehead to that others would stop and read it before speaking.~


~So very true. My 30 year old son, Matt, has been gone almost 5 years, and my emotions are still raw. I still can hardly get through many days. Most people don't understand, and really, they can't understand. No one understands unless they live this nightmare....~


~I really like this and can identify... This poem by Joanetta Hendel reflects the desperation that is also a part of grief in social (sic) relating to others, so I do understand.~


~This is what I needed for today and everyday after. I wish all of my "friends" could read this so when I cry I can stop hearing "it's going to be ok" when it is not.~


~This poem pretty much says it all for the surreal, raw emotions we have to endure for a lifetime!!~


~ I totally agree, for me and I'm sure many of you feel the same way when I say that the worst thing imaginable has taken place with the death of a child, nothing, and I mean nothing comes close. From here on out everything else will just pale in comparison. ~


~ I lost both sons four months apart. Don't tell me time will heal me....~


~My best friend kept telingl me "don't feel guilty" "don't be sad, remember the good things." "Your daughter wouldn't want you to feel this way" I love my friend dearly, I finally had to say to her. "I love you, and pray to God, that you never feel what I feel. Because, only then will you know and understand what I feel, and I never want you to know this intense pain. "She looked me and said "I now get it, I will never know unless I walk in your shoes." I wish more people would have gotten it, I became resentful of all of those well meaning words. I talked less and less of my daughter, my true feelings. It deeply effected many relationships with friends and family.~


~Just the right words. I have isolated myself due to the fact he people just don't understand me now.~


~time never heels (sic) ~


~Truer words were never spoken. We have two children in Heaven and we know... ~


~I have been going through this lately with people who stand judgement with what I "should" be doing or not doing. People who aren't going through this have absolutely NO understanding of what it is like.....their kids are fine and here....they still get their "tomorrows"...all I have left of my angel are yesterdays and they really hurt!! I just want people to just be here for me with no lectures, no talking behind my back; just hold my hand or give me a hug. It's that simple.~


~It's been 20 months since I lost my 18 yr old son. People go on with their own lives and forget that it's not that easy for a grieving parent. I sometimes feel they forget that I'm still so sad. I try to put a smile on face to make them feel comfortable. I just wished that they would just hug me and say ,"I know you are still so sad and that I love you".~


~Oh how I feel every word of this. Thank you for posting it. Making it step by step stumble by stumble ♥~


~It is something that no one really understands unless they have been emptiness you carry with you always.~


~A heart wrenching description of how it feels to when our children pass away before we do. Life as we knew it will NEVER be the same but hopefully all of us make it through it.~


~Wonderful poem that gives words to our feelings of loneliness in our grief.~


~"Beautiful, but so few are willing to accept us as we are."

    • Almost 12 years since my beautiful baby boy... died, my grief is different, yet I am not, nor have I been accepted in my "new normal" To the PEOPLE in my life, get a clue I will NEVER be who I was... NEVER!!! Just as I was never the same after he was born... so why would I be or even why should I be the same after his death...~
    • (~BHZ)

Pictures, thanks to Grieving Mothers, and Our Angels