Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Wednesday's Woe - "We're Collapsing Here!"






Wednesday's Woe

"We're Collapsing Here!"









"We're collapsing here!"

so the golfer said.
His was only a game of golf,
(For him--- no Master's coat received.)

(For us? Our child is dead!  
The worst a parent can conceive….)

"We're collapsing here!"
Yet, the Truth is what sets free.
My collapsing here…?
Is such suffering my Master's call for me?

"We're collapsing here!"
Such state taints all we do!
Yet…it seems that into such suffering,
our God calls all His saints…

"We're collapsing here!"
To die to self feels like sure defeat,
(But only in God's purview…
what we define as loss,
our God defines as gain!)
Drop the encumbrance of this world~
Our loss becomes God's gain!

"We're collapsing here…"
What if That is our true call?
We suffer the world's worst loss,
Yet, our child receives God's all!

"We're collapsing here,"
A golfer's response to a game
Yet in the true Game of Life
Our loss becomes God's gain...

Meaning is restored:
Lord, help me collapse in You again…




Poem - "We're Collapsing Here!" - Angie Bennett Prince - April 11, 2016
(the day after golf champion Jordan Stied lost the Masters' Tournament…)










Monday, April 4, 2016

♫ Monday's Mourning Ministry ~ You Were Always On My Mind







Monday's Mourning Ministry

You Were Always On My Mind






Coming to the end of Merry Katherine's birthday month, Tommy and I were listening to a variety of music in an attempt to bring some peace and comfort to our hearts. The music was entertaining and even comforting. But then we began listening to this song "You Were Always On Our Mind," written and sung by Willie Nelson in his poignant voice.

Both hearts melting into a pile, we fell into each other's arms and cried and cried... and cried some more; it was if our crying could not stop.

It has been 9 1/2 years after losing our baby girl, yet we are still thrown back to Square. One. 


We each cried so hard.

I had scheduled clients for the following day thinking that that date should be well past Merry Katherine's birthday date and that I should be in a fairly stable place to help others by then...

Well, I calculated wrong. . .

My eyes were so swollen they would barely open. Needless to say, I cancelled clients for the next day...

I am doing better today but of course, even as I write and post this song for you, I am crying again!






~~~





You Were Always On My Mind

~Willie Nelson



Maybe I didn't love you
Quite as often as I could have
Maybe I didn't treat you
Quite as good as I should have...

If I made you feel second best
Girl I'm sorry I was blind
But you were always on my mind.
You were always on my mind.

Maybe I didn't hold you
All those lonely, lonely times
And I guess I never told you
I'm so happy that you're mine

Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time
But you were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Tell me,
Tell me that your sweet love hasn't died
And give me 
Give me one more chance to keep you satisfied
I'll keep you satisfied


(Musical Interlude)


Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time
But you were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

You were always on my mind

You were always on my mind



~~~





We parents, I think, do the very best we can by our children, but of course, there are always some things we think we could have done better when we look from hindsight. So the poignant words of this song pierce the very center of my heart and soul as I ever long to do more and more to nurture my baby.

It would be so nice if we could peer into Heaven and see the incredible peace on our beloved one's face, but that is where we need the Lord's help to live by faith...


Sweet blessings to each of you...as you grieve your precious child. May our Lord bind every wound of your hurting heart day by day by painful day...



~~~


This Scripture is our comfort, for it assures us that our broken hearts are very important to God... so important He sent Jesus to rescue us, to save our crushed spirits, and to bind and heal our brokenness:




A portion of our Lord's words found in Luke 4:18 KJV as He was indicating that His coming to earth was for the very purpose of fulfilling of the prophecy He quoted from Isaiah 61:1: 
"He has sent Me to bind up the brokenhearted."


Isaiah 61:1-3 KJV
Old Testament
1)The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; (H)e hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;
2)To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn;
3)To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.
 
New Testament (over 400 years later)
Luke 4:18-21 KJV (Jesus speaking)
18"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because (H)e hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; (H)e hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised,
19To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD."
20And (H)e closed the book, and (H)e gave it again to the minister, and sat down. And the eyes of all them that were in the synagogue were fastened on (H)im.
21And (H)e began to say unto them, This day is this scripture fulfilled in your ears.

{Highlights and some capitalizations, mine}



Thank You God, and Thank You Jesus that You sacrificed everything out of love for us and out of love for each and every one of our precious "babies."








https://youtu.be/R7f189Z0v0Y

Pictures, thanks to Bing Images


Sunday, April 3, 2016

Sunday's Sorrow ~ Good Mourning!









Sunday's Sorrow

Good Mourning!






Good Morning!
(Welcome again to my world of sadness.)
Or shall I say, "Good Mourning!"
As I celebrate my child who brought me gladness...


Tears flow~
As I remember my child's and my love for one another…
Must they slow?
No! Such is the life of a Grieving Mother!


Good Mourning!
Do not let the world tell you your tears are bad ~
Our tears are simply God's reminder of what we had ~


Good Mourning!
Every grieving mother knows
Cherishing our child's love is worth being sad!
Good Mourning!
So until we reach Heaven, our tears must flow!


The tears that represent our sacred treasure,
others ~who are blind~ will call "fools gold"!
Good Mourning!
As our Lord said, "Blessed are those who mourn" ~
We, of all people then, are blessed beyond measure!


Good Mourning!



Poem - Good Mourning! - Angie Bennett Prince - April 2, 2016




~~~~~





Grief is not a disease;
it is not an illness;
it is not depression.
It is, in fact,
an expression
of love.
Grief can only 
be a disease
if love is.


~Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, 
fellow psychotherapist and grieving mother






Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Happy Birthday in Heaven Merry Katherine!






Happy Birthday in Heaven Merry Katherine!





Your birthday brings back memories
Of laughter and of tears
Of all the celebrations held
Throughout your precious years

As you're now watching over me
I hope that you can see
How much those memories we made
Will always mean to me

I'll always cherish times we had
And smile just at the thought
I hope you know the magnitude
Of joy your life here brought

On holidays and birthdays
It's so hard to be apart
Like every day that falls between
Your memory fills my heart

You're with me now where e'er I go
You're part of all I do
I'll celebrate your special day 
And the gift of knowing you





Happy Birthday, precious (((((Merry Katherine)))))! 

Though you are forever 19 and forever held in our Father's arms, we hold you so close in our hearts on what today would have been your 29th birthday here on earth. 

We love and miss you today and everyday and will for the rest of our lives and forever after that! 

Love to you from 

Mommy, Daddy, Rollin, Stephanie, Nathan, and Ashley heart emoticon
 heart emoticon heart emoticon heart emoticon heart emoticon heart emoticon







With thanks to
(Card lyrics written by ~kp)
Out of the Ashes / FB


Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Wednesday's Woe - War Between the States: When Words’ Effect Berates…






Wednesday's Woe

War Between the States:

When Words’ Effect Berates…


The Importance of Not Comparing a
Death of Order (such as Child Losing a Mother), 
complicated though that may be, with a 
Death Out of Order (Mother Losing a Child)








War Between the States


Your state: Denial— 
My state: Under Fire
For still loving my dead child.


Clueless to my pain,
Doing what you do—
I cannot be around you.


Simply loving you—
I reach out to care,
But you stab me with a spear!


Blind to Child-Loss pain:
My heart you disdain—
(Its vulner’bility scares…)


Then words start to fly:
War declared ‘tween you and me
Slaughtering my heart…


Love must rear its head:
Declare— Our fellowship, “Dead!”
Camellias blooming blood red…





Moral of Story:
(No more words impart
To further grieve th’ mother’s heart!!!)


Interesting Note, the Japanese word for Red Camellia, Tsubaki, or 椿, has the meaning, 

In Love, Perishing with grace”! 

So Apropos!





~~~



Having just read the book _life after the death of my son: what i’m learning_ written by grieving father Dennis Apple, I was inspired to turn again to poetry, using both sides of my brain to try to capture the essence of what just had transpired between me and a family-of-origin member whose words were extremely hurtful to me.* 

Dennis Apple, on page 163 of his book, so aptly says the following words in regard to writing a haiku about some of our Death-of-Child experience: {Uncannily, it also describes the essence of my attempted conversation with the family member who was pushing me to move on, and stay away from (what he deemed as) “unnecessary” pain, and “unbeneficial” pain.)

“There are many who would think this exercise morbid. If you feel it would be helpful to you, do not let their feelings about it discourage you.”

Amen, brother. Amen!







Regarding the writing of the above haiku, I make the following notes to some of the exceptions taken to the typical haiku poem originated by the Japanese:

*Inspired by Dennis and Buelah Apple, I am using the “Haiku” style poem, although I am varying lines of 5- and 7-syllables in an attempt to describe some aspects of my grief (leaving out as Dennis and his wife often did, the usual haiku ingredient of using a seasonal word in at least one of the triplet lines (although I did use a seasonal phrase in my final triplet), as well as my own choosing to leave out the traditional format of the 7-syllable line being the middle line of the triplets. I also use some rhyming which a typical haiku rarely does).

Camellia notations and picture from

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanakotoba

(found at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanakotoba )


Saturday, August 8, 2015

Happy Birthday in Heaven, Sweet Sister of the Heart









Happy Birthday in Heaven,

Sweet Sister of the Heart







In Memory of


Ethel Kowal

and 

her daughter,

Carissa






My dearest Ethel, 

I have been away from Facebook  for quite awhile so when I came to your site today to wish you a happy birthday, I was stunned and so deeply saddened to see that you, my dear sister of the heart, are no longer with us on this earth. What a huge loss to all of us who knew you! You were such a faithful friend to "hold my hand" over these years as we shared the deep pain over the loss of our precious 19-year-old daughters. You always seemed to have just the right words to say to ease my broken heart. Thank you for your kindness and love.  And just as we "virtually" shared a friendship across the continent when you were here, thanks to our Lord, I trust our friendship continues on even now ~ across the heavens...

Tommy and I are praying for your precious Dennis and Tara left on this earth; I know they love and miss you so very much. We will all miss your tender love Ethel, but we rejoice to know we will someday join that "great cloud of witnesses" and be reunited with one another in the eternal peace of His love. 

Happy Birthday dear sister of the heart. Know that we love and miss you so. Today, in your memory, and in thankfulness for yours and Carissa's eternal salvation, I play for you what you shared with me as being one of Carissa's favorite songs, "Mighty to Save" by Hillsong (this also was a favorite of my Merry Katherine's!). ~Sweet blessings to you~

Enjoy holding your precious baby girl (((Carissa))) close to your heart today on your birthday in Heaven dear (((Ethel))) as you both bask in the love and sweet peace of our Heavenly Father... 

I remember your once writing to me, as you were longing for your Carissa,

"Oh to hear that sweet voice again and see that charismatic smile!"

~ What a blessing to know dear Ethel, thanks to the love and grace of our Lord, that now you surely can! 











Mighty to Save


~Hillsong




Everyone needs compassion
A love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me...

Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of a Savior,
The hope of nations...

[Chorus:]
Savior ~ He can move the mountains;
My God is mighty to save!
He is mighty to save!
Forever Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave!
Jesus conquered the grave!


(music interlude)

So take me as you find me
All my fears and failures...
Fill my life again


I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in,
Now I surrender
(I surrender)

    Savior ~ He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave;
Jesus conquered the grave!

Savior ~ He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave;
Jesus conquered the grave!




Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King ~ Jesus!

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King ~ Jesus!



Savior ~ He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave;
Jesus conquered the grave!

Savior ~ He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave;
Jesus conquered the grave!




Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King ~ Jesus!

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King ~ Jesus!

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King ~ Jesus!

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King ~ Jesus!

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King ~ Jesus!

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King!









Happy Birthday in Heaven picture, thanks to google.com

Picture of Ethel and Carissa, thanks to another precious sister of the heart, Melody Robinson-Hill


Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Tuesday's Trust ~ Amidst our Raging Storm...






Tuesday's Trust

Amidst our Raging Storm...














"Let (us) praise Him with dancing and make music to Him..."

~Psalm 149:3


















O Lord, You’re such a tender God, attending our deepest needs, hearing our heartfelt cries, lifting our spirits from the miry muck, even as continuously, but gently, You ever are mending our broken hearts and lives.

As You nurture us in our tumultuous vulnerability, You call us to the dance, enabling us to praise You. 


Help us to remember even Your very faithful Daniel was not spared the lion’s den, but You were there with him, silencing the ravenous roars with Your healing presence… 


By the faith You have given us, may we entrust ourselves to You, “knowing” in our heart of hearts, You stand with us as well…







Let (us) praise Your name with dancing 

and make music to You...

even, and especially, 

Amidst our Raging Storm. 


essence of Psalm 149:3a-b NIV













NIV ~ New International Version of The Holy Bible



A special thanks to the following for the graphics from Pinterest...


Graphic 1:


Friday, March 20, 2015

Friday's Faith - Hope Amidst Groaning




May Your unfailing Love rest on us, O LORD,
even as we put our Hope In You.

~Psalm 33:22 NIV



Friday's Faith

Hope Amidst Groaning





Hope? Amidst Groaning? How do these two concepts fit together at all? 

How can we "hope" and yet "groan"?

Who of us Child-Loss Grievers "hope" to see our child again, nevertheless we "groan" all the while? I would hazard to guess, 100% of us! 

Hopeful Groaning feels like an oxymoron doesn't it? 
How can the two fit together? Shouldn't we be "hopeful" and "joyful" at the same time? That certainly seems to be the American way! 

And yet, we must admit, our hearts are still broken... even as we hope! Is there any hope for such a grieving parent?

How merciful God is to us to have had the apostle Paul explain how these two concepts do fit together in God's own Holy Word! Read on and see what you think...


Paul says in Romans 8 (yes, the same chapter that concludes by reminding us that absolutely nothing can separate us from the Love of God!) that everybody, and everything, in fact the "whole creation," groans inwardly until we see God's full redemption of our bodies...

Read this passage of Scripture, ponder it, question it, compare it to your situation, and let me know what you think...




Romans 8:18-27, New International Version:


I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 

Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. 

But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.


In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray, but 

the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express

And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.





What about you? Do you struggle with the continual sorrowful groaning over your child who is no longer here, even as you hold onto your hope for seeing your child again in Heaven?






Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Tuesday's Trust - "I Am Come to Heal..."








Tuesday's Trust

"I Am Come to Heal..."







The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, because He hath anointed Me to preach the gospel to the poor; He hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised...

~Jesus



~Luke 4:18 KJV


~~~


O Lord, quicken our broken hearts to rest in Thee, for You alone heal us ever so gently throughout our lifetime on earth, yet culminate our healing fully when You wipe all our tears away, forever! 

Thank You for Your faithful, tender, healing love poured out on us daily... 

Truly, we need Thee every hour!


~~~

2And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, made ready as a bride adorned for her husband.3And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying,  
"Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them, 4and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away." 

~Revelation 21:2-4 NASB







Some capitalizations of Scripture, mine

KJV = King James Version

NASB = New American Standard Bible