Sunday, April 28, 2013

Monday's Mourning Ministry - Life Without You ~Stevie Ray Vaughan

Monday's Mourning Ministry

Life Without You

~Stevie Ray Vaughan

Life Without You

~Stevie Ray Vaughan

Oo oo now baby.... 
Tell me how have you been 
We all have missed you.... 
And the way you grin 
The day is necessary.... 
Every now and then 
For souls to move on.... 
Givin' life back again, and again 
Fly on fly on.... 
Fly on my friend 
Go on.... 
Live again.... 
Love again

Day after day.... 
Night after night 
Sittin' here singin' every minute.... 
As the years go passing by.... 
By, by, by 
Long look in the mirror.... 
We've come face to face 
Wishin' all the love we took for granted.... 
Love we have today 

Life without you.... 
All the love you passed my way 
The angels have waited for so long.... 
Now they have their way 
Take your place....

Grief Picture: ~The Compassionate Friends of Atlanta Siblings Group via ~Grieving Mothers~B.J. Karrer

Grief Song:

The research from one of Stevie Ray's fans seems to indicate that this version of "Living Without You" was played at the concert of 29 November 1989 at McNichols Sports Arena, Denver, Colorado, less than nine months before Stevie Ray Vaughan's untimely death at age 35 on a helicopter heading from a concert he had played in Wisconsin that was attempting to fly through the dense fog to Chicago on August 26, 1990.

Saturday's Sayings - Always Close . . .

Saturday's Sayings

Always Close . . .

~Grieving Mother, TeriAnn Sargent


~2012: Love and Loss


~Out of the Ashes


~Out of the Ashes


~St. Paul Chapter of The Compassionate Friends


~Out of the Ashes


~Hope for the Broken Hearted


~The Grief Toolbox


~The Far Side of the Rainbow, thanks to TeriAnn Sargent

When those we love have left this earth, 
we still can feel them near. 

We'll see a picture, hear a song, 
and it's just like they are here. 

And when we call upon our faith, 
when we believe and trust, 
We know the ones we care about are always close to us.

~ Constance Parker Graham


~Out of the Ashes

Angel picture and poem shared by 

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Thursday's Therapy - Does the Grief After a Child's Traumatic Death Ever End? ~Dr. Ursula Weide, Grief Expert, Says No

~Journey of the Survivor

What Not to Say to a Grieving Parent

Don't tell me to go on with my life.
Don't tell me to be strong.
Don't tell me my child was sick, that I knew it was coming.
Don't tell me my child is in a better place.
Don't tell me to stop crying.
Don't tell me you know how I feel.
Don't tell me I need to get over it.
Don't compare my child's death to your animals.
Don't tell me I need closure.
Do say I am here, just take my hand
and, cry all you need to!


Thursday's Therapy

Does the Grief After a Child's 

Traumatic Death Ever End?

Dr. Weide, Grief Expert, Says No

Nine years after the murder of their daughter and at the beginning of the suspect's trial on October 18 Chandra Levy's parents continue to suffer the symptoms of complicated or traumatic grief. According to Dr. Ursula Weide, such suffering is a major yet unrecognized public health problem which affects millions each year. The current efforts on the part of mental health experts to make complicated grief an officially recognized diagnosis will compel society to develop a better understanding of the pain of the survivors and to pave the way for more helpful treatment.

Washington, DC (PRWEB) 

October 22, 2010

Chandra Levy’s parents, their daughter murdered in 2001 in
Washington, D.C., continue to experience the typical symptoms
of complicated grief, as the Washington Post reported on October
18. The case received national attention because Levy, a federal
intern, had an affair with Congressman Condit from California
at the time. 

Since Levy’s body was found one year after her disappearance,
many questions will remain unanswered. Now that the trial of the
suspect is beginning, the parents still wonder what they could have
done to prevent the violent death of their child in Washington,
D.C., thousands of miles away from their own home.


Dr. Ursula Weide, a Licensed Psychologist and Fellow of
Thanatology with offices in Maryland and Virginia, who
developed a novel approach to complicated grief years after the
traumatic death of her young husband, says that it is natural for
the “what ifs”, anger, guilt, tension between the parents, and the
agony of the questions without answers – why did it happen to
our daughter? – to continue for extended periods of time.

Complicated grief after a traumatic – such as an untimely or violent - 
death of a child, spouse, partner, sibling or parent, fundamentally 
changes a person’s life and takes many years to integrate into a different 
way of living. As reported in numerous research papers, 10% to15% of all 
the bereaved – close to 2 million new traumatized grievers each year - 
experience complicated grief, different from adaptive grief after, for 
example, the death of an aging parent or a friend.

Adaptive grief, which initially can involve symptoms similar to 
complicated grief, subsides within a few weeks or months, says Weide. 
Complicated grief, such as the Levy family’s natural reaction to their 
child’s death, continues. Society’s lack of understanding of the difference 
and of the lasting impact of a traumatic death make it even harder for the 
survivors to eventually learn to live better with what happened, the best 
outcome possible.

Society wants survivors to 

"Move on, Get over it, Get a life” 

and has a time frame of about 3 to 5 months. Since the survivors are 
painfully aware that none of this often well-intended advice is helpful 
and that the trauma continues way beyond the first several months, they 
often feel that they are “going crazy” or that something is wrong with them, 
says Weide. A great sense of hopelessness and isolation from friends and 
family often follows. Studies have also shown that the risk of illness and 
death on the part of the survivors exceeds the national averages.

After their daughter’s disappearance and death, the Levys went public
with their grief, educating society and drawing attention to a degree of
suffering most would prefer to ignore. Fortunately, major efforts are
currently under way to have the diagnosis of Complicated Grief added
to the upcoming fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual
of the American Psychiatric Association, as summarized in two articles
in the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry (July and August 2010). Two articles
in the New York Times shed additional light on some of the more
controversial aspects of these efforts.

According to Dr. Weide, once the new Complicated Grief diagnosis will
be official, society and health care practitioners will have no choice but to 
acquire more accurate information about the plight of traumatized
survivors and learn how to support them in a more appropriate fashion.


Readers’ Comment:

Do not advise them 
to "move on."  
That is simply cruel.

~Janice Badger Nelson, Hospice Nurse

Park City, Utah from Boston


Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Wednesday's Woe - A Night and Day in the Life of a Grieving Mother / Graphics ~TeriAnn Sargent / Poem ~Angie Prince

Wednesday's Woe

A Night and Day in the Life of a Grieving Mother

Graphics ~by Grieving Mother TeriAnn Sargent, Jerred's Mum

Poem ~by Grieving Mother Angie Prince

The amazing sensitivity of my dear friend from Australia, grieving mother TeriAnn Sargent, beautifully shows through in her graphic creations capturing the angst and hope of her grief over her beloved Jarred. As "luck" or in reality, God's kindness and ingeniousness, would have it, TeriAnn just shared her Facebook site with me today that holds her beautiful creations; I had stumbled onto a couple of these earlier, so you may remember seeing them in my blog before. I hope that our separate works, but very similar grieving hearts will come together for you and minister to your hearts as you grieve your child, and look forward in hope to your reuniting...

A Night and Day in the Life of a Grieving Mother

In my Child-Loss Grief, I seem to struggle 

.......In many different ways...

I seem to struggle getting to sleep,

.......Yet then struggle when I awake...

It seems when I do sleep, either I dream of you where life "is normal,"

.......When in each of my dreams, you're at a different age...

And Life is fun, it is "as we knew it,"

.......Yet when I awaken, the harsh reality I again must face...

Or I'll have nightmares, some in which you're in some kind of trouble,

.......And your life I cannot seem to save...

I awaken, and am left terrorized,

.......Left with a sickened feeling that seems to last all through the day...

Other times, I'll awaken,

.......And cannot seem to focus my mind

To relax, and get some comfort,

.......So I'll grab a book, and read for just a time...

I'll finally go back to sleep then, only to later awake, exhausted,

.......Choppy sleep must surely exhaust the mind...

So on top of that load of tiredness that I carry around all day,

.......It seems I expend an enormous amount of energy 

..............Sorting out so many of Grief's broken pieces...

Tangling with Grief's reality

.......In which the ever-present sadness 

..............Seems continually to drain life from me...

And finally, when I do find a bit of energy,

.......My thoughts to you will always go...

As my heart is ever seeking

.......To draw you O so close...

For all day long, my heart does long

.......For you, my love to show.

The Grief and Pain fall upon me like rain,

.......Engulfing my heart and soul in its sad refrain...

I search for Comfort in words, in sayings, in pictures for my blog,

.......To share not only Grief's angst but also our constant and continual Love Story...

That has been growing all along,

.......And I know that Our Love will ever grow...

Culminating eternally when God rejoins us to one another,

.......Precious Child and Mother,

..............Amidst Love's Ever-Encompassing Glory...

And so, my child, I long for then,

.......When God repairs all that's in this world gone wrong,

..............And completes for us, just as He planned, our ever-growing Mother-and-Child Love Song!

O how I long for that Song

.......When our Faith becomes Sight

And God will grant us Love and Peace

.......Forever Day and Night....

And until then, with God's help, I will fight on...

.......Until that Day God takes me Home...

~Special thanks to TeriAnn for sharing her artwork with us! 

All Graphics, thanks to TeriAnn Sargent of Australia, Jarred's Mum - can be found on her Facebook page - Be sure to click Like if you enjoy her page. (For those who aren't on Facebook, it is free and easy to register!) TeriAnn's site:

Poem - A Night and Day in the Life of a Grieving Mother - Angie Bennett Prince - 4/24/2013

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Tuesday's Trust - "Trust" When Stuck In the Rubble of Our Never-Ending Grief?

Tuesday's Trust

"Trust" When Stuck In the Rubble of Our Never-Ending Grief?

"trust: placing reliance on... something else over which one has little control"

Feeling defeated, I am so tired:
Days full of Grief, nights of nightmares;
It seems in my Grief I am daily mired,
Tried by the constancy of Grief's wear and tear.

How will I keep my head above water,
How will I step up to my daily chores,
When Grief disables and I teeter and totter
As I strive to navigate Death's tumultuous shores?

How do I walk through this "Invisible Disability"
When "normalcy" is all that outwardly appears?
How do I achieve inner tranquility 
When triggered steadily only to dissolve into tears?

Such is the life of a grieving mother,
So much work is required inside...
Learning to breathe even as Grief tries to smother,
Striving to rest, and in my Savior abide.

God, in the Darkness, please show your Light,
Reveal your Hope in the midst of Despair;
Grief renders up such a difficult fight
As even our lungs strive to grasp for air.

Enter the catacombs of our Deep Grief,
Providing us sustenance amidst our heart's wounds;
Bring us Your Comfort for blessed relief
As we pull ourselves up from our children's dark tombs...

"Thou wilt keep her in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee":
Give us the strength to turn our hearts to Thee
When stuck in this rubble of our never-ending Grief.


"Thou wilt keep her in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee: because she trusteth in Thee."

~Isaiah 26:3 KJV

(some capitalizations, and gender substitution, mine)

Picture, thanks to ~2012: Love and Loss
Poem - "Trust" When Stuck In the Rubble of Our Never-Ending Grief? - Angie Bennett Prince - 4/23/2013
KJV = King James Version of The Holy Bible

Monday, April 22, 2013

Monday's Mourning Ministry - When You're Gone ~Avril Lavigne

Monday's Mourning Ministry

When You're Gone

~Avril Lavigne

When You're Gone

~Avril Lavigne

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it OK
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it OK
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do, I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe, I need to feel you here with me, yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it OK
I miss you

Graphic, thanks to ~Our Angel J.W.'s Heavenly 18th Birthday in Heaven 
Grief Video:

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Saturday's Sayings - This Thing Called Child-Loss Grief...

Dear Friend,

Today you broke my heart,
In a place that was unbroken.
You did it with your thoughtless words
That should not have been spoken.
You know that I am grieving,
That my pain is deep and real.
Your hurtful words pierced like a knife.
How do you think I feel?
You may not suffer from my loss
Or share this lonely grief,
But, I'm mourning my baby
Whose life was much too brief.
I'm sure you don't know how I feel,
I don't expect you to.
Don't ask me to get over it…
That's something I can't do.
Without grief, there's no healing
It's a journey I must make.
It's not the path that I would choose,
but one I'm forced to take.
No matter how you choose to see
What I am going through,
I need compassion and support…
I'd do the same for you.

Gwen Flowers

Saturday's Sayings

This Thing Called Child-Loss Grief. . .

After the funeral and all the friends leave. When all
the errands are done, and thank you cards
mailed. When the phone calls cease, and warm 
casseroles stop coming. That is when this heart
breaking journey we call grief begins . .

~Angie Cartwright

~Grief The Unspoken


I can wipe the tears
from my eyes, but
I can't wipe the pain
from my heart . . .

~Grieving mother, Kathy Martibello- Stieff, sharing ~Wings of Hope-Living Forward


Time does not heal. But healing does take time. Give yourself the gift of time. To become whole means that as we open to the pain, we open to the loss. We break open and, as a consequence, we get bigger and include more of life. We include what would have been “lost” to us if our hearts and minds had closed against the pain, we include what would have been lost if we had not taken the time to heal.

As singer/songwriter Carly Simon tells us: “There’s more room in a broken heart.”

~Wings of Hope~Living Forward


~I Miss Those Close to Me Who Are Now I Heaven As Beautiful Angels


~In Memory of Lost Loved Ones


There is a pain in my heart
Which was never there
Now that you are gone
I find the pain filling your absence.

~Ce Thibodeau 


I Was With You

I was with you as you cried last night, so much for counting sheep.
Your thoughts were running rampant, it was hard for you to sleep.
I knew you were missing me and wishing I was there.
You laid awake all night thinking of the memories we shared.

I watched as you tried to eat lunch. You couldn't even drink your tea.
You were thinking of all the things you wish you'd said to me.
I wanted to say, "Don't worry. Seriously, it's ok.
"I know every word you would say to me if we had another day."

I was with you when you visited my grave today.
I heard you cry out to God, "Why did you take him away?"
As hard as you try, you can't figure out why it had to be me.
Your mind is so scrambled, but someday you will see.

You will know why this happened, the reason I had to leave.
You will understand it all in time, 'til then, just belief.
There's a higher Power working and He has a perfect plan.
I didn't see it either, but trust me on this -- if you can.

Someday when it's your time to come to the other side,
I'll rush to welcome you with my arms open wide.
I'll show you around Heaven, there's so much to see.
But that time is not now. That's just the way it must be.

You must live out your journey as I had to live out mine.
And know His timing is perfect. We must trust the Divine.
So go live, laugh, and love--be who you're supposed to be
And when your job on earth is done, come Home and be with me.

Top graphic, thanks to ~Out of the Ashes