Showing posts with label Multi-Dimensions of Loss in Child-Loss Grief. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Multi-Dimensions of Loss in Child-Loss Grief. Show all posts

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Thursday's Therapy - Self-Care Amidst Violence and Trauma





Thursday's Therapy


Self-Care Amidst Violence and Trauma





Common Reactions to Violence and Trauma

Suggestions for Self-Care


~by the Community Crisis Response Team,
a Service of the Victims of Violence Program, Cambridge Hospital, Cambridge, MA



Which people are most affected by violence and trauma?


Many people may be affected by a violent event - both people who have been direct victims of violence, as well as family, friends, or others who have connections to the victims.


Following a traumatic event - whether it happens to you, or to someone you know - it is normal to feel it personally. We know that when people are direct victims of violence, they often have physical and emotional reactions that can last for a long time. But other people - family, friends, co-workers, emergency service personnel, neighbors, professional caregivers, witnesses to the violence, or others who have something in common with the victims - may also have reactions to a particular violent event. Although each person reacts differently, according to his/her personality, past experiences, and connection to the event, a wide range of common feelings and reactions can occur after a person has been involved in or heard about a traumatic or violent event.



How do people react to violence and trauma?


It depends on the individual. Each person will have his or her own set of reactions.

Here is a partial list of normal reactions to violence and other traumatic events. Each individual may have a number of several of these reactions.



COGNITIVE

  • Difficulty remembering things
  • Hard time making decisions
  • Confusion
  • Distortion of time
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Too many thoughts at once
  • Thinking about suicide
  • Threatened assumptions (that the world is not safe or less safe than before
  • Intrusive images
  • Flashbacks
  • Replaying the event


PSYCHOLOGICAL

  • Feeling helpless, hopeless or powerless
  • Grief/numbness
  • Dread/fear/safety concerns
  • Guilt
  • Dependency
  • Feeling overwhelmed or vulnerable
  • Feeling not yourself
  • Triggering of prior trauma or losses
  • Emotional rollercoaster
  • Nightmares


PHYSICAL

  • Fatigue/change in sleep habits
  • Eating/appetite problems
  • Stomach problems
  • Vomiting/diarrhea
  • Sweating, rapid pulse, chest pains
  • Dizziness, headaches
  • Back or neck pain
  • Startle reactions
  • Catch colds or flu


SPIRITUAL

  • Loss of faith
  • Spiritual doubts
  • Withdrawal from church community
  • Lapses in spiritual practice
  • Despair
  • Questioning old beliefs
  • Sense of the world being changed, out of kilter


RELATIONAL

  • Withdrawing from, or clinging to, others
  • Alienation from friends, family, co-workers who "don't understand"
  • Breakdown in trust
  • Changes in sexual activity
  • False or distorted generalizations about others
  • Doubts about relationships
  • Alternately demanding or distant with others
  • Irritability



What can you do to recover from trauma?


Different strategies work for different people. In the aftermath of violence and other trauma, people sometimes find themselves at a loss for how to deal with their feelings and reactions. One of the most important things is to establish some kind of routine, even if it is temporary or differs from your usual one. Listed below are some specific strategies that can help speed your recovery from trauma.


  • Strategy: Diet
    As best you can, try to eat regularly. You may be tempted to eat lots of sweets, soft drinks, or coffee. Sugar and caffeine can actually increase your overall stress level, so try to limit how much of these you use. Sometimes under extreme stress, people use more alcohol or other drugs than usual. Alcohol and drugs may postpone some feelings or reactions, but they can actually make them worse. Use common sense about what you put into your body at this particular stressful time.
  • Strategy: Rest and Relaxation
    It is important to maintain a regular schedule that allows for adequate amounts of sleep and relaxing, stress reducing activities. If you know any formal relaxation techniques, such as meditation or deep breathing exercises, use them. Otherwise, use whatever strategies usually help you relax: listen to music, read, go to church, take a walk, play with your children.
  • Strategy: Physical Activity
    Exercise is one of the best ways of reducing stress. Although it may be difficult to find time for this, try to work it into your day. If you usually exercise, try working it back into your schedule. Walking is a great form of exercise. Be sure to check with your physician if you do not usually exercise. Encourage your children and yourself to play. It isn't just fun; it is a way for them and you to manage stress and anxious feelings.
  • Strategy: Social Contacts
    Keeping contact with your family, friends, and co-workers and others who have gone through similar experiences, is another good strategy to reduce stress. You may sometimes want to be by yourself and that is fine. However, isolating yourself from those who know and care about you may make matters worse. Try to keep in contact as much as possible. Children, in particular, may need the attention and close physical contact of their parents and other caretakers.
  • Strategy: Support Systems
    Talking about your own reactions to violence does help, even though it can be difficult. It is important that you choose people who will really listen to how you feel. Supportive listeners may be friends, family, clergy, teachers, or self-help groups. They may also be professional counselors. Keep in mind that people benefit most from counseling when they want it.
  • Strategy: Support to Others
    Offering support to others, in addition to taking care of yourself, can help in recovering from the emotional impact of trauma. Many people find strength in participating in special events or community activities which honor victims or offer support to their loved ones. Religious services, community discussion and support groups, public ceremonies or memorials, and political activities are not for everyone. It is important that you become involved in such activities only when you choose to.



What can you expect in the course of recovery?


Recovery from the emotional impact of violence takes time and involves many different feelings. While we know there is a wide range of common, normal reactions to the experience of violence or trauma, we also know that each person may not have exactly the same feelings or reactions. Sometimes feelings change quickly or seem to go from one extreme to another. Try to be understanding of yourself and those you care about and recall that you may not have the same feelings or have them at exactly the same time.


Often people expect that their reactions should go away quickly, but this is not usually the case. Outside events sometimes slow down the recovery process. These may include media coverage of the event, court dates or times such as birthdays, holidays, or the anniversary of the event. If often helps to anticipate you might have feelings or reactions during these times. Keep in mind that this is common and usually passes with time. You will probably find that others are having similar reactions. Again, talking with someone you trust can be very helpful...



KEY POINTS:


* Many people may be affected (by) violence and trauma,
including direct victims and many other people who have
personal or work-related contact with victims.


* Each person has a unique reaction composed of many
different normal reactions. Reactions may be cognitive,
physical, spiritual, psychological or relational.


* Self-care is very important. Different strategies of
self-care will be effective for different people.


* Recovery takes time but will take place given adequate
support.




~This text was prepared by staff and colleagues of

The Community Crisis Response Team -

a service of the Victims of Violence Program,

The Cambridge Hospital (617)498-1180.










Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Wednesday's Woe - Grief's Prisoner






Wednesday's Woe


Grief's Prisoner





Prisoner in my own body. Held hostage. Can't trust my own being anymore.


3:00 a.m. ~ awake again. Not just awake. Wide awake. 4 hours of sleep. I need 8. But, I get up, go to the restroom...


Now I am awake. Strike that. It is more like, now I am Hypervigilant!


No longer can I just go to the restroom, then fall back in bed and crash back into a sound sleep. As Tommy realized I had awakened, we began to talk - he'd already awakened at 2:00. Neither of us could go back to sleep. As we talked, he asked a good question:


"Since Merry Katherine's death, over these past (what is now?) 5 1/2 years, have you had a good night's sleep?"


I had to honestly answer, "No." If I have had one, it's been the exception, but I honestly cannot remember a night of a solid 8-hours of sleep. He couldn't remember me having one either.


I have coped with that by finding some time during the day to take a long nap to ensure that my poor grief-torn body at least gets around 8 hours of sleep from somewhere.



But that's not all. The other development, really since Day One when we were told Merry Katherine was killed, is that stress takes its toll on me through my gastro-intestinal system. It's as if my body were wired to vent the stress through upsetting my tummy. Ouch. And my system must be finely wired, such that the alarm goes off with barely a trip of the wire it seems. And when that happens, then


I feel like I am a prisoner of my own body, and a prisoner of my own home.


The only people who can count on seeing me on a regular basis are my immediate family members, and my clients. A neighbor was teasing Tommy that he hadn't even gotten to meet me yet, and asked when was he going to get to meet me? Tommy teased back and said, "Nobody sees her. If you want to see her, call her and make an appointment and bring your checkbook with you, because all she sees are her clients." You remember the old saying, "There's a lot of truth in jest!" Well, there you go. That just about sums it up.


I don't like it. And I am trying to train my body to be more resilient with a pretty strong aerobic work-out routine, and a very mindful diet. But meanwhile, it is what it is, and I just deal with it.


For Tommy, his stress now sets off high blood pressure. And he thinks the wear and tear of the trauma of child-loss definitely contributed to his body succumbing to cancer (that he discovered he had just 5 months ago) as well. He too is working hard at trying to build up his immune system with proper exercise and proper diet, but it is a daily battle.



It is a daily battle for both of us. I wonder if the battle will ever subside to give us a few moments reprieve. I pray so. I miss my carefree health I could always count on.


And I am sometimes terrorized if I have some heavy-duty-traumatized clients scheduled, will my body cooperate today and allow me to help them?


Some of my clients have lasted the entire 5 1/2 years with me through the grief, and they learned they needed to call me 30 minutes before the appointment to ask, "Is this a good day?" before coming into their previously scheduled appointment. It has worked out fairly well that way. (So thankful to my clients who have been so graciously willing to be flexible!)


What about you?


How does the stress of the grief and trauma over your child's death play out in your body, or soul, or spirit, or mind, or behavior?


Do you ever feel like you are Grief's Prisoner?









Picture, thanks to FotoSearch

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Thursday's Therapy -15 Major Reactions Physically Indicating Depression After Your Child's Traumatic Death ~Dr. Therese A. Rando, Complicated Mourning







Thursday's Therapy


15 Major Reactions Physically Indicating


Depression


After Your Child's Traumatic Death


~Therese A. Rando, Ph.D., Complicated Mourning, Part Eight




15 Major Reactions Physically Indicating Depression After Your Child's Traumatic Death


  • Anorexia or Appetite disturbance leading to Weight Loss or Weight Gain; food doesn't taste right and is difficult to eat
  • Increase or decrease in Sexual interest or activity
  • Crying and tearfulness
  • Feeling as if there is a "Lump" in the throat
  • Tendency to Sigh
  • Fatigue
  • Physical Exhaustion
  • Decreased Energy, lack of vigor, lethargy
  • Lack of Strength
  • Feelings of Emptiness
  • Feelings of Heaviness
  • Slowdown in overall Movement
  • Agitation in overall Movement
  • Increased Physical Vulnerability
  • Increased Physical Risk (Accident Prone)


Rando, 2011 (In Print)



Many of the above are normal reactions to grief and/or trauma, and are not necessarily pathological! But many can also be found in grievers who are clinically depressed. Some of these reactions are simply indicative of how grief/trauma takes its toll on us.

For example, grief-work in-and-of-itself is exhausting. Deep-trauma-work with which I have walked through with many of my clients is also very exhausting, and I try to forewarn my clients of this phenomenon. When we journey down into the traumatic memories, it can be excruciatingly painful for my clients. After these sessions, they find they are exhausted and require much more sleep than usual. What a good example of how our body-soul-heart-spirit-and-mind are so intimately connected!

So please precious child-loss grievers, may we be gentle on ourselves through this horrific and trying child-loss grief/trauma process! Much love to each of you on your journey.


*****


Thank you to Dr. Therese Rando for her kind permission in using excerpts from her workshop for professionals that Tommy and I attended in July. Her contributions to the grief and trauma field are invaluable. And her contributions for us child-loss grievers are incredibly helpful... As I told Dr. Rando, even though she has never been through child-loss (thank the dear Lord), she "gets it" as to much of what we child-loss grievers are contending. She is one of the few therapists in the field about whom I can say that, and she has been so gracious to share herself and her expertise with us. For that, I am so very grateful.











Picture and Content From workshop of Therese A. Rando, Ph.D, BCETS, BCBT July 9-10, 2010 in "Clinical Interventions in Grief and Mourning," and "Intervening After Sudden and Traumatic Death: Contending with a Special Type of Complicated Mourning," used with permission of the author

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Thursday's Therapy - 30 Major Reactions Physically Indicating Anxiety After Your Child's Traumatic Death ~Therese A. Rando, PhD, Complicated Mourning







Thursday's Therapy


30 Major Reactions Physically Indicating


Anxiety


After Your Child's Traumatic Death


~Therese A. Rando, Ph.D., Complicated Mourning, Part Seven





The following are just the physiological symptoms you may have in your Child-loss Grief that will lead toward Anxiety. (We will examine symptoms that lead to depression, etc. next week.) I have been shocked when I have exhibited many of these anxious-type symptoms, and yet, it stands to reason:


Never in my life have I been subjected to such torment as I have in losing my child, losing her suddenly, and losing her violently.


Why should I be surprised my poor body is reeling and anxious over such a tormenting experience?!





30 Major Reactions Physically Indicating Anxiety After the Traumatic Death of Your Child



Motor Tension


  • Trembling, shaking, twitching, nervous energy, "jumpy," foot/leg shaking, finger drumming
  • Muscle tension, aches, soreness
  • Teeth grinding, clenched jaw
  • Easily fatigued, exhaustion
  • Headache
  • Restlessness and searching for something to do


Autonomic Hyperactivity (Being "revved up")


  • Anxiety, tension, nervousness
  • Heart palpitations, rapid heartbeat
  • Shallow and rapid breathing, shortness of breath
  • Numbness, tingling sensations
  • Smothering sensations
  • Dizziness, unsteady feelings, faintness, lightheadedness
  • Dry mouth
  • Sweating or cold, clammy hands
  • Hot flashes or chills
  • Chest pain, pressure, or discomfort
  • Nausea, diarrhea, other abdominal distress
  • Frequent urination
  • Tightness in the throat, difficulty swallowing, feeling of something stuck in the throat, choking
  • Digestive disturbance (such as upset stomach)
  • Stress cardiomyopathy (aka "broken heart syndrome" - when you feel all the symptoms of a heart attack but it is not an actual heart attack


Vigilance and Scanning


  • Heightened arousal (hyperarousal)
  • Agitation
  • Sense of being "geared up"
  • Easily startled
  • Irritability, outbursts of anger
  • Difficulty falling or staying asleep
  • Impaired concentration
  • Heightened awareness of surroundings in order to be "on guard" (hypervigilance)
  • Physiologic reactivity upon exposure to events, stimuli, and/or internal or external cues that remind you of the loved one, the death, events associated with it, and/or other painful reactions to the loss




~Rando, 2011 (In Press)













Picture: http://www.fotosearch.com/photos-images/anxiety.html
From lecture of Therese A. Rando, Ph.D, BCETS, BCBT July 9-10, 2010 in "Clinical Interventions in Grief and Mourning," and "Intervening After Sudden and Traumatic Death: Contending with a Special Type of Complicated Mourning," used with permission of the author