♫ Monday's Mourning Ministry ~ You Were Always On My Mind

Monday's Mourning Ministry

You Were Always On My Mind

Coming to the end of Merry Katherine's birthday month, Tommy and I were listening to a variety of music in an attempt to bring some peace and comfort to our hearts. The music was entertaining and even comforting. But then we began listening to this song "You Were Always On Our Mind," written and sung by Willie Nelson in his poignant voice.

Both hearts melting into a pile, we fell into each other's arms and cried and cried... and cried some more; it was if our crying could not stop.

It has been 9 1/2 years after losing our baby girl, yet we are still thrown back to Square. One. 

We each cried so hard.

I had scheduled clients for the following day thinking that that date should be well past Merry Katherine's birthday date and that I should be in a fairly stable place to help others by then...

Well, I calculated wrong. . .

My eyes were so swollen they would barely open. Needless to say, I cancelled clients for the next day...

I am doing better today but of course, even as I write and post this song for you, I am crying again!

~~~

You Were Always On My Mind

~Willie Nelson

Maybe I didn't love you

Quite as often as I could have

Maybe I didn't treat you

Quite as good as I should have...

If I made you feel second best

Girl I'm sorry I was blind

But you were always on my mind.

You were always on my mind.

Maybe I didn't hold you

All those lonely, lonely times

And I guess I never told you

I'm so happy that you're mine

Little things I should have said and done

I just never took the time

But you were always on my mind

You were always on my mind

Tell me,

Tell me that your sweet love hasn't died

And give me 

Give me one more chance to keep you satisfied

I'll keep you satisfied

(Musical Interlude)

Little things I should have said and done

I just never took the time

But you were always on my mind

You were always on my mind

You were always on my mind

You were always on my mind

~~~

We parents, I think, do the very best we can by our children, but of course, there are always some things we think we could have done better when we look from hindsight. So the poignant words of this song pierce the very center of my heart and soul as I ever long to do more and more to nurture my baby.

It would be so nice if we could peer into Heaven and see the incredible peace on our beloved one's face, but that is where we need the Lord's help to live by faith...

Sweet blessings to each of you...as you grieve your precious child. May our Lord bind every wound of your hurting heart day by day by painful day...

~~~

This Scripture is our comfort, for it assures us that our broken hearts are very important to God... so important He sent Jesus to rescue us, to save our crushed spirits, and to bind and heal our brokenness:

A portion of our Lord's words found in Luke 4:18 KJV as He was indicating that His coming to earth was for the very purpose of fulfilling of the prophecy He quoted from Isaiah 61:1: 

"He has sent Me to bind up the brokenhearted."

Isaiah 61:1-3 KJV

Old Testament

King James Version

1)The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; (H)e hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;

2)To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn;

3)To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.

 

New Testament (over 400 years later)

Luke 4:18-21 KJV (Jesus speaking)
18"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because (H)e hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; (H)e hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised,

19To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD."

20And (H)e closed the book, and (H)e gave it again to the minister, and sat down. And the eyes of all them that were in the synagogue were fastened on (H)im.

21And (H)e began to say unto them, This day is this scripture fulfilled in your ears.

{Highlights and some capitalizations, mine}

Thank You God, and Thank You Jesus that You sacrificed everything out of love for us and out of love for each and every one of our precious "babies."

https://youtu.be/R7f189Z0v0Y

Pictures, thanks to Bing Images

Wednesday's Woe - Denial After 6 Years?! ~Tommy and Angie Prince

Every day since you've been gone, there's such an isolating loneliness and an aching so deep inside; it's a feeling that fills my head, my heart, my eyes and my ears, a feeling that steals away the joy, leaving only the torment of my tears. And every day when this feeling comes, the power and intensity is like a thousand drums pounding in my heart tearing me apart.

My heart and I will never get used to your being gone.

Wednesday's Woe

Denial After 6 Years?!

~Tommy and Angie Prince

To deal with the reality of what happened to our child, we could not function with such reality "in our face" all the time. As psychoanalyst Otto Rank describes, it is neurotic to not face our live's truths, but it is also neurotic to face our harsh truths at all times. We do need to process the death of our child into our brains, our psyches, our bodies, our souls, etc. But we also need to take some breaks from such harsh reality at times to give our poor systems a breather. We have to face death and yet live at the same time, so it becomes a living nightmare.

We talk about life's rhythms. One thing that can stop our life's rhythm in its tracks is to momentarily "set aside" your child's death by becoming busy with life, then happen to glance at a picture of her you haven't seen in a long time ~ a flash of normalcy at some other time in your life comes face to face with the harsh reality of her death. What???! NOOO!!!! That couldn't have happened to my baby, not that!!! Not in her young life!!! The very striking picture of her screams out "Beautiful Life in All its Normalcy." But, No!!! You're "Chutes and Laddered" back down to 'Start" in a second's time. Square One. Day One of your grief. And the pain comes tumbling down over your heart like a freight train to where you wonder if you will survive...

Wednesday’s Woe - Her Presence More Real... ~ After Four Years of Child-Loss

Wednesday’s Woe

Her Presence More Real...

~ After Four Years of Child-Loss

Going through papers to do my taxes,

I find a childhood picture of my baby

Playing “princess" dress-up with her friend:

O how precious to see my baby's grin...

Beautiful white lacy dress with sequins,

But she stuck her leg out t' th' side like a clown~

Her and her friend's best features ~ their grins,

Beautifully captured in clowning aroun'...

It seemed like yesterday, with no time lapses,

Like she's here now, happily playing...

4 years of child-loss wiped clean away

As I'm back "there," watching my child at play!

...New waves of grief rise within as I come back

To the reality of my stark lack,

Throwing me back to square one of my grief

Crushed ~

But she was JUST HERE, though the time so brief...

Where could she be ~ this child so full of life,

Her presence more real than 4 years of lost life...

*****

"Grief is like you're running a race, but you keep having to return to the starting line ~ It's just a series of starting all over, again and again. You never get to the finish...."

~Tommy Prince

Poem - Her Presence More Real... - Angie Bennett Prince - 10/20/2010