Saturday's Sayings - Missing Your Light...

Saturday's Sayings

Missing Your Light...

There are days when troubles fall all around. 

When dark clouds bring hope crashing to the ground. 

The road once easy turns rugged and steep. 

Weary, bruised and broken you can only weep. 

But during these storms that life will send, 

God is with you to the very end.

~Jimmy McClendon

~~~

~~~

My Heart

it happened again today

as it has many times before

the bandage 

it loosened 

the stitches 

they broke free

fissures

all at once ruptured

and the life poured out

fragments now

carried by tears

waiting for kisses

tossed upon the currents

such beautiful music 

never again to be heard… 

~Grieving Mother, Tammy Brown in loving memory of Larry Brown

~~~

~~~

~~~

My tear stained voice
runs wearied to You,
as it carries a melody
that my heart misplaced.
Your light lifts
my tired and broken soul's voice,
as I hold up a heart,
in deep need of grace. 

Will You teach me to sing,
when I don't know the words
and the music won't flow.
Will You show me your song?
will You dance in my heart,
place my steps where they'll grow? 

My silent pen stands
on the blank, empty page,
while it waits to move forward
from this soundless place.
This story I'm living
was written by You.
Will you move in my pages
and carry me through? 

Will You teach me to read,
when I don't see the course
that You wrote for my life?
Will You show me your words,
that You wrote on my heart,
before You wrote time? 

Will You teach me to see?
Every moment You are
where You want me to be.
Will You show me Your way?
So I can live in Your truth
until my dying day. 

When I look to your Son,
I fall in His arms
and You tell me my journey is done. 

~Copyright 2010 Christi Armstrong
(Some capitalizations, mine)

~~~

~~~

My Child Has Been Set Free


Daughters hold a special bond
That nothing can replace
Their smiles can chase the blues away
And brighten up a face.

Joys we’ve known, a special day
Shared between us two
Secret talks and peaceful walks
Just to name a few.

Times of reminiscing
The day you learned to crawl
Looking through the photos
I’ve always kept them all.

But one sad day, the phone did ring
It tore my world in two
A voice came on the other end
“I have bad news for you.”

The precious girl, I loved so much
Was quickly leaving me
So many things we might have known
Will never come to be.

Thoughts of her are everywhere
I cannot let her go
But somewhere up in heaven
A star does softly glow.

She sees a Joy unknown to me
Her face is full of Light
They walk into the Promised Land
God holds her hand so tight.

Just as the shifting sands of time
Flows gently out to sea
Here today and gone tomorrow
My child has been set free.

Author/Written By:
Marilyn Ferguson
©2005

~via B.J.S.A.

~~~

~~~

~~~

• ☜♡☞ Dancing With Angels ☜♡☞
  
  
  
  It’s just so hard to believe
  
  All I have to hold is your memory
  
  From this side of the clouds all I see is grief
  
  But on the other side I know you’re free
• 
  And you’re dancing, dancing with angels.
  
  
  
  Somewhere just out of my reach
  
  You’re keeping heavenly company
  
  When I’m feeling lonely it’s for myself I cry
  
  ‘Cause there aren’t any tears in paradise
• 
  When you’re dancing, dancing with angels.
  
  
  
  I can almost hear your laughter
  
  See the fullness of your joy
  
  Knowing that you’re present with the Lord
  
  And though today I miss you I know the day will come
  
  When every believer will behold the Son
• 
  And we’ll be dancing, dancing with angels.
  
  
  
  Ⓒ 1997 Dayspring Music / Lehsem Music
  Words and Music by J. Mandeville & S. Siler

~via grieving parents, A.S. and G.M.D.

~~~

On my worst days I know

Your light will find its way to me.

Pictures, thanks to Grieving Mother ~ Jill C., Grieving Mother, Tammy Brown, Grieving Mother ~ D.T., Remembering Homicide Victims, Letters to Heaven, and Happy Heart Daily

Saturday's Sayings - Missing You . . .

Saturday's Sayings

Missing You . . .

Missing You

No words I write can ever say,

How much I miss you every day.

As time goes by the loneliness grows,

How I miss you, nobody knows!

I think of you in silence, I often speak your name.

But all I have are memories and photos in a frame.

No one knows my sorrow. No one sees me weep.

But the love I have for you,

Is in my heart to keep.

I’ve never stopped loving you—I know I never will.

Deep inside my heart, you are with me still.

Heartaches in this world are many,

But mine is worse than any.

My heart still aches as I whisper low,

"I love you and I miss you so."

The things we feel so deeply, are often the hardest things to say.

But I just can't keep quiet any more, so I'll tell you anyway.

There is a place in my heart, that no one else can fill.

I love you so, my precious girl

And I always will.

~Author unknown

*****

~Thank you to Grieving Mother, L. L.

*****

"And can it be that in a world so full and busy the loss of one creature makes a void so wide and deep that nothing but the width and depth of eternity can fill it up!"

~Charles Dickens (1812-1870)

*****

From Grieving Mothers:

You are not the same person you were before. Too much has changed within and without. Do not try to fall back into the same patterns because you will only struggle to fit into a lifestyle that no longer fits. In order to live this new life, you must first identify the areas of your life that you struggle with, and then take steps to learn how to move forward in those areas. For instance, you might find yourself in new situations that you are not comfortable in without your loved one, or you might have new responsibilities that you do not know how to fulfill because your loved one used to take care of them for you.

Here is where you need to grow. God will provide what you need to experience true growth. Pray for wisdom as you develop new patterns of living.

Gretchen says, "My husband could talk to anybody about anything for any length of time, and I just always let him do it. I wasn't a big talker, but the Lord gave me some of that talking ability after he died. And I've been grateful for that because I was very happy in just letting my husband carry the conversation with people. Now, every time I go to something that I really wished I didn't have to go to, I just call on the Lord. The Lord is so faithful. Every single time I get through it and wind up enjoying it."

By God's grace you can be changed. You do not have to try and be the person you were before, because that is not possible. Instead . . .

"Put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator" (Colossians 3:10).

Lord, even though I don't necessarily want to change, I know that I must. Give me confidence and wisdom in the areas that I struggle with. Amen.

~Grieving Mother, K.H.A.

*****

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."

~Rose Kennedy

*****

"TAKE AWAY"

Instead of birthday gifts for me

Come take some things away.

There's so much here that I don't want

So please don't give... just take.

Take away my knowledge

Of funerals, and urns, and graves.

And take away the guilt I have

For not being with him to save.

Take away these inward screams

That resonate his death.

And take away my begging

To give him back his breath.

Take away this heartache

That leaves me living in pain.

And take away the last 2 years

To when this sadness came.

Take away this loneliness

That stays throughout the year.

And take away this horror

That just won't disappear.

Take away that empty space

He no longer occupies.

And take away these tears of mine

That forever fill my eyes.

Take away this silence

That reminds me that he's gone.

And take away my wondering

How things could be so wrong.

Take away my questions why

That cause never ending grief.

And take away my doubting

That has shattered my beliefs.

Take away most anything,

Especially his death...

But PLEASE don't take my memories,

They're all that I have left.

by Christine Ross

~Thank you Grieving Mothers for sharing

*****

"Mourning is one of the most profound human experiences that it is possible to have... The deep capacity to weep for the loss of a loved one and to continue to treasure the memory of that loss is one of our noblest human traits."

~Shneidman (1980)

*****

A MOTHERS LETTER TO HEAVEN"



I SIT AND WRITE THIS LETTER

WITH TEARS RUNNING DOWN MY FACE

BUT I KNOW DEEP IN MY HEART

YOU ARE IN A SPECIAL PLACE


I THINK BACK TO THE TIME

WHEN GOD GAVE YOU TO ME

I HELD YOU IN MY ARMS

AS HAPPY AS I COULD BE


FIRST WORDS FIRST STEP FIRST SMILE

I WAS THERE TO SEE YOU GROW

YOU GAVE ME SUCH HAPPINESS

MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW


TEENAGE YEARS YOU HAD YOUR FEARS

BUT TOGETHER WE GOT THROUGH

IN GOOD TIMES AND IN BAD TIMES

I WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU


I WATCH YOU GROW AND LOVED YOU SO

SO PROUD OF WHAT YOU HAD BECOME

YOU WOULD ALWAYS BE MY BABY

AND I WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR MUM


THE DAY YOU DIED HOW MUCH I CRIED

MY HEART WAS BROKE IN TWO

HOW COULD I LIVE IN A WORLD

HOW COULD I GO ON WITHOUT YOU


BUT I KNOW YOU ARE STILL HERE

I FEEL YOU NEAR ME EVERYDAY

YOU LEAVE WHITE FEATHERS EVERYWHERE

I KNOW YOUR NEVER FAR AWAY


I SWEAR I HEAR YOUR VOICE

TELLING ME I LOVE YOU MUM

ONE DAY WE WE WILL BE TOGETHER

I KNOW THAT DAY WILL COME


REST IN PEACE MY CHILD

I SEND THIS LETTER WITH ALL MY LOVE

UPON THE WINGS OF AN ANGEL

TO HEAVEN UP ABOVE


KNOWING DEATH IS NOT THE END

HELPS TO EASE THE PAIN

BY HEAVENS GATE I KNOW YOU WAIT

TILL WE ARE TOGETHER ONCE AGAIN

Copyright©JohnConnor

~via The Compassionate Friends

*****

Have Faith that things will get better.

And never Ever give up.

You may be feeling overwhelmed right now;

There may be so much chaos in your mind, that you can't think straight.

You may be feeling, confused, uncertain - maybe a little afraid.

Don't worry. It will get better. It is already getting better.

With every Positive Choice you decide to make;

Everything Positive you read, absorb, reflect on, meditate over.

Let your worries, anxieties and stress melt away.

Do not give them the Power to control your thoughts.

Everything Good is coming to you. Have Faith.

Sometimes it's when we hit Rock Bottom;

Is when we Realize that the only way is up.

Sometimes, it gets the Darkest just before Dawn.

The Prettiest Rainbows appear after the Biggest Storms subside.

Don't let any Cloudy Skies, fade the Beautiful light;

Of your Precious Soul.

Believe, and Know everything will be okay.

Focus on every Good thing that Makes you feel better.

And Build up Your own Positive Moments Step by Step.

Soon, it will Transform into Your Reality.

Be Strong and Follow your Bliss.

Have a Beautiful, Positive day. ♥

~ © Kiran Shaikh 2012

~via Grieving Mothers

*****

Photos, thanks to Grieving Mothers, and Grieving Mother Jill Compton

Photo: by "PEACE BE STILL" (picture with the cross) (also first picture, above the title)

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Steal-my-Soule/134572689947877

Thursday's Therapy - Ways We Grieve,Part Ten - Why Does Child-Loss Grief Take So Long?

Thursday's Therapy

Ways We Grieve

Part Ten

Why Does Child-Loss Grief Take So Long?

If you review the study found at http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/06/080620195446.htm, you will discover the outcome of the grief research is very telling for our purposes. The scientists who reviewed the research however drew what, in my opinion, was a wrong conclusion. They decided that since the “reward centers” in the brains of complicated grievers were being triggered by viewing pictures of their loved ones, that grievers ergo, might become “addicted” to grief. These “scientists” obviously have never been through the kind of severe loss that is so debilitating as child-loss grief.

To me, the proper interpretation of the results would be scientific proof that what Jesus proclaimed is true,

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”

Silly Scientists! Grief research does not point to grief being addictive! ~What trauma experts in the field know is that

In Child-Loss Grief

• The brain has been traumatized by complicated grief à which means

• The traumatic emotions/memories are stuck in the cerebellum and must be moved through neural passageways into the other parts of the brain to be properly processed.

• Essentially, we must move the “toxic waste” of sorts from our cerebellum on through the other un-traumatized parts of our brain in a therapeutic, restorative way.

• However the neural passageways from the cerebellum to these other parts of the brain have also been decimated by the trauma of the severe loss, so there is repair work to be done.

• We must rebuild those neural passageways in much the same way as we built our original neural passageways—built when we were first a baby.

Do you remember learning how we originally built our first neural passageways? In school, we learned that our brains are not complete when we are born; they continue to develop.

Neural passageways are built in a baby by the continual mirroring experienced in the presence of our mommy or daddy or other safe caregivers. Spending one-on-one time before a nurturing caregiver who

• holds,
• nurtures,
• comforts,
• protects,
• reflects back to us who we are in the way they

1. value us,
2. hear us,
3. respond to us,
4. look at us,
5. hold us, and
6. play with us, etc.

Such mirroring stimulates us as a baby in such a way that passageways for surviving and thriving are built within the brain.

(The babies who received little touch and personal responsiveness many times did not thrive or even survive.)

Now, as traumatized grievers, our grief work requires a similar process of intensive mirroring before ourselves, our loving caring Heavenly Father, and/or other safe people.

(Also, the newest research shows that people who believe they have a Heavenly Father who cares for them generally heal faster than those who do not.)

But as you might imagine – after experiencing child-loss trauma, this rebuilding of our damaged neural passageways through intensive grieving before a caring persona does not happen overnight.

Think about it this way… If you think about America’s dilemma during World War II, the federal government needed to build extensive new infrastructure so that the government could deliver critical munitions for the protection of our country under President Eisenhower. Such extensive infrastructure did not get built overnight; it took months upon months, even years upon years of intensive work to fully build our interstate highway system. It would have been foolish to think such work could happen overnight.

In a similar way, our child-loss grief is a grief like none other. It is so traumatic that our lives become quite debilitated as a result.

So it should not be surprising that the repair-work of such trauma will be an extensive process that will take years upon years to restore.

Even then, child-loss grievers may never ever be quite the same again. Thus the phrase was developed, that we will essentially need to define a “new” normal for ourselves. But the rebuilding process will of necessity require many years.

Building our “infrastructure” of neural passageways involves much use of our emotional right-brain. Hopefully, we will review some of these methods and techniques on a coming post soon!

Wednesday's Woe - Grief is a “No Man’s Land”

Wednesday's Woe

Grief is a “No Man’s Land”

The following poem was written almost a year ago when we were 2 1/2 years into our grief over the loss of our once-lively, vibrant nineteen-year-old daughter.

My handicapped brother had just been diagnosed with a very dangerous case of aspiration pneumonia and hospitalized in Intensive Care in a hospital in Athens, Georgia. We were able to go and spend several weeks with him, keeping the overnight five- to six-hour shift. When we weren't at the hospital with him, we stayed in an apartment in the basement of my mother's house where we could be alone to focus on our grieving.

It was hard for anyone (except my brother and his wife) to understand why we needed such massive amounts of time to be alone, quiet, and grieving...

Nobody has a clue;

Living in Nightmare’s Quicksand

Is pulling you under, and there’s nothing you can do.

“It’s great you have the kinda job

where you can go and help your (sick) brother” . . .

(I really hate to be macabre,

as I’m thrilled I’m available to hover over my sick brother,

but neither of us is in any position even to hold down a regular job!)

Grief is a “No Man’s Land”

Nobody gets it, and nobody can,

Not even us grievers who live in the land

Can have even a clue how to live in this zoo…

It’s like we’re cattle who’ve been burned with a terrible brand,

Refuges who’ve been banished, from Life’s homeland been banned,

Foreigners thrown on a tour never wanted, never planned,

Where no one knows our language, so we’re not welcomed to Life’s mainland.

And while others are living a Life that is grand

Where their children are thriving in their own dreamland,

And they’re wondering what must we have done to receive Death’s remand,

And why in the world would someone choose to live in Grief’s gory-black quicksand,

And why can’t we climb out, and enjoy Life’s-Emerald-Coast bright-white sand?

…So we’re left in Grief’s “No Man’s Land”

Where we cry and we grieve and we grieve and we cry, hoping for a breakthrough

So we can imitate Life, go through the motions, and pretend to make-do,

And strive–if not thrive—to just survive—

Death’s Cold Winter in Grief’s makeshift, drafty Lean-To...

While civilians look on, question, and start to connive...

Though from our loved ones, we’re Death-deprived,

Can’t we just be thankful we’re alive,

And if we work hard, can't we surely contrive

A way to stop our nosedive

Back into Nightmare’s Quicksand

In the Center of Grief’s “No Man’s Land”

Where Death sears its mark, its terrible brand

That sets us apart from the Best and the Blessed of the Land...

Poem - Grief is a "No-Man's Land" - Angie Bennett Prince - 2/20/09