Wednesday's Woe - When You "See" Her... But It's Not Her ~Tommy Prince

Wednesday's Woe

When You "See" Her... But It's Not Her 

~Tommy Prince

What do you do when you see your daughter's walk, you see her hair, you see her clothes, but it's not her? Yesterday, I saw a girl who from behind was Merry Katherine. I never saw her from the front. Before when that would happen I was so raw I would almost collapse in the store; I would be overwhelmed with a tsunami wave of grief and barely would be able to make it back to the car. 

Interestingly, this time, it was a little different; coming up on the seventh year, it is a little different. I found myself wanting to follow her through the produce; it gave me a little lift ~ oh yeah, that's what she looks like. I guess my defenses are working better because instead of feeling like I was going to lose it, when I noticed a little welling up begin, I was able to break away as soon as I got to the carrots. I was surprised at how much better I dealt with it. 

It was more like a sense of relief that I was able to get a little glimpse of her, and I didn't feel like it was going to devastate me for the next three days. But then again, I'm glad I don't know what she looked like…

~Journey of the Survivor (From Grief to Survival)

The first time we experienced this phenomenon, Angie and I were first taking our walk down the beach after sundown, when a young lady walked past us, a little closer to the ocean than we were. At first Angie didn't notice her, but I told her to turn around and see, and when she did, she mostly could see her long curly hair that was almost the same texture and color as Merry Katherine's. Then we both about fell down in grief. It was in October, just two months after the day our baby had been killed. It was the same beach she had walked many times, and it all just felt so normal and real. It was in the evening, right at dusk and I just cried uncontrollably, but was glad no one but Angie could see. It was instant, and there was no controlling it. Of course, Angie had her own share of tears streaming down as well…

~Julia's Creations

Maya Angelou quote, thanks to ~Out of the Ashes

Wednesday's Woe - The Temporariness of Grief's Reprieve… ~Tommy and Angie Prince

Wednesday's Woe

The Temporariness of Grief's Reprieve…

~Tommy and Angie Prince

It has been 6 3/4 years… What is any different in our grief over the loss of our beloved nineteen-year-old daughter?

~Wings of Hope-Living Forward

Not much really. Yes, we can function a little better. And yet, we are forever different.

And we do have breaks away from the heaviness of our grief, but there will never be any such thing as any end to our grief!


We can catch temporary breaks away from our grief, like Angie and I do when we keep our grand-daughter Ellie. But… the next day, you can count on it; the grief will come back with a vengeance. Our tears will start flowing before we even realize the particulars of what our grief is about… 

~Wings of Hope-Living Forward

Early on in our grief, when we found we had at least enough attention-span to watch a movie, we would experience a momentary break away from grief once the movie started, but as soon as the music came on signaling the end of the movie, we both would start weeping. We could not face going back into a reality where our child was not…

~Wings of Hope-Living Forward

The difference between now and then? 

~Out of the Ashes 

The reprieves can be a little longer now…

~grieving mothers ~Sharon Lee Hoover and ~Jill Compton

but still they are just temporary reprieves from our life-long grief ...










Graphic of swing, thanks to ~Angels at My Door

Tuesday's Trust - Can We Still Trust Our Judgment… Six Years Later?

Tuesday's Trust

Can We Still Trust Our Judgment… Six Years Later?

It is hard to put words on this dynamic of our grieving life ~ it is almost indescribable because it is difficult even to define it to ourselves. We are still working out our "ability/inability to function" amidst our traumatic grief. We have to work hard at keeping our lives "simplified" as we cannot do "complicated" anymore. For lack of better words, we cannot do "Toxic," "Stupid," "Idiot," or "Needless Drama." As I said to Tommy last night,

"Trauma Mamas" need to stay away from "Drama Mamas"!

It's as though we still are discovering/trying to define the different parameters for that which we can and cannot handle emotionally.

Almost automatically, we will think, "Oh yeah, sure, I can do that!" Then we step back and think, "Oh yeah! I can't do that anymore ~ I forgot!" What we can and cannot do is still a learning/discovery process as we tend to think we can so do much more than we really can these days. The trust in others, and even in ourselves, is not there. Even trusting our own judgment is a little shaky ~ Who are we, and what can we really do now?

It is almost like stepping back and examining the ruins, and saying, "Okay, what is salvageable, and what must be thrown away? And with the equipment and accoutrements that are left, what can we feasibly do now?"

For instance, what I do know right now is that...

I cannot explain to a grieving mother why I cannot talk to her right now.

I cannot explain to the executors of my parents' wills why I cannot come by and negotiate the pick-up of the furniture that's graciously been given to me.

I cannot explain to my children why I cannot do extended-family get togethers.

All I know is... I can't. 

And for now, just knowing that 'I can't,' is in itself quite an accomplishment!

And yet, I can still help clients deal with their own toxic issues and relationships. (Explain that!)

Picture, thanks to Grieving Mothers

Piano picture, via "Detroit ruins"

Tuesday's Trust - We are Weak but He is Strong…

Tuesday's Trust

We are Weak but He is Strong…

10/10/2011

31 years ago today, my mother and father lost their oldest child: my brother Buddy lost his life to cancer on 10-10-1980 at the age of 38. My parents, (like I as of 8/2/2006), had to learn to live with the death of their child for the rest of their earthly existence…

Trauma throws us to the ground, some to ground zero. With Child-loss, most of us feel we are thrown below ground zero. It takes years to rebuild, restore, regroup, just to get up to ground zero!

Meanwhile in such a weakened state, can we believe the words of the little song most of us were taught in church as wee children?

Jesus loves me, this I know,

For the Bible tells me so.

Little ones to Him belong,

They are weak, but He is strong!

Yes, Jesus loves me!

Yes, Jesus loves me!

Yes, Jesus loves me,

For the Bible tells me so!

I write this poem as I process my cries before the Lord tonight:

In my weakness, Thou art strong;

Hold me Jesus in Your arms!

Protect me from the mean and wrong;

Soothe me now midst Satan's harms.

Child-Loss is the worst of crimes ~

Seeing evil befall our child

Renders us to our weakest times,

Seeing our little one defiled…

Amidst such evil, help us know,

You were there, quick to rescue!

Though evil befell, You loved so,

You drew our little one up to You.

We're left behind, raw and weak,

But You come along beside;

To our tender souls You speak

As we are Your wounded bride.

Thank You our child is in Your arms

Rescued from vile enemy;

Carry us now in those same arms,

Safe in You for all eternity.

Soothed by You, we rest in Thee.

Picture: http://picturesofjesus4you.com/gallery1drawings.html

Poem - In My Weakness, Thou Art Strong! - Angie Bennett Prince - 10/10/2011