Thursday's Therapy -10 Major Reactions Physically Indicative of Responses to Stress After Your Child's Traumatic Death ~Therese A. Rando, Ph.D. Part 9

Angie, Dr. Therese Rando, and Tommy, July 2010

Thursday's Therapy

10 Major Reactions Physically Indicative of

Responses to Stress

After Your Child's Traumatic Death

~Therese A. Rando, Ph.D., Complicated Mourning, Part Nine

10 Major Reactions Physically Indicative of Responses to Stress After Your Child's Traumatic Death

• Reduced immune response
  
• General feeling of being unwell (more on this another time...)
• Constellation of vague, diffuse physical complaints, sometimes experienced in waves lasting minutes to hours or as diverse aches and pains
• Distressing physical reactions when exposed to
• reminders of the loved one (see our comment below),
• the death,
• events associated with it, and/or
• other painful reactions to the loss
  

• Increased vulnerability to illness and/or physical risk
  
• Gastrointestinal Symptoms
• Cardiopulmonary symptoms
• Symptoms that appear to be neurological in nature, but aren't
• Hair loss
• Pain

Rando, 2011 (In Press)

We are sensitized to what we see of hers each and every day. We have all numbers of her pictures placed out in our den, our living room, our bedroom, etc. But when we step into the "play room" downstairs and move a few things around, invariably we will stumble across a completely different photo of her, and it can bring us to our knees. We experience an immediate pain~the reality of her absence stabs us in the heart~ It's like a blatant reminder of The Presence of her Absence and it kills us all over again...

Next week, we will attempt to discuss some of the Spiritual Effects of our child's traumatic death. We welcome you to email us at mothergrieving (at) gmail (dot) com to share some spiritual impacts of your child's death on you before we write these up next Thursday. We look forward to hearing from you!

Meanwhile, may our Lord's tender presence be with you as He holds you in His arms, ever catching your tears into His nail-scarred hands, so scarred out of His love for you and for your beloved child.

Picture and Content: From workshop of Therese A. Rando, Ph.D, BCETS, BCBT July 9-10, 2010 in "Clinical Interventions in Grief and Mourning," and "Intervening After Sudden and Traumatic Death: Contending with a Special Type of Complicated Mourning," used with permission of the author

Thursday's Therapy -15 Major Reactions Physically Indicating Depression After Your Child's Traumatic Death ~Dr. Therese A. Rando, Complicated Mourning

Thursday's Therapy

15 Major Reactions Physically Indicating

Depression

After Your Child's Traumatic Death

~Therese A. Rando, Ph.D., Complicated Mourning, Part Eight

15 Major Reactions Physically Indicating Depression After Your Child's Traumatic Death

• Anorexia or Appetite disturbance leading to Weight Loss or Weight Gain; food doesn't taste right and is difficult to eat
• Increase or decrease in Sexual interest or activity
• Crying and tearfulness
• Feeling as if there is a "Lump" in the throat
• Tendency to Sigh
• Fatigue
• Physical Exhaustion
• Decreased Energy, lack of vigor, lethargy
• Lack of Strength
• Feelings of Emptiness
• Feelings of Heaviness
• Slowdown in overall Movement
• Agitation in overall Movement
• Increased Physical Vulnerability
• Increased Physical Risk (Accident Prone)

Rando, 2011 (In Print)

Many of the above are normal reactions to grief and/or trauma, and are not necessarily pathological! But many can also be found in grievers who are clinically depressed. Some of these reactions are simply indicative of how grief/trauma takes its toll on us.

For example, grief-work in-and-of-itself is exhausting. Deep-trauma-work with which I have walked through with many of my clients is also very exhausting, and I try to forewarn my clients of this phenomenon. When we journey down into the traumatic memories, it can be excruciatingly painful for my clients. After these sessions, they find they are exhausted and require much more sleep than usual. What a good example of how our body-soul-heart-spirit-and-mind are so intimately connected!

So please precious child-loss grievers, may we be gentle on ourselves through this horrific and trying child-loss grief/trauma process! Much love to each of you on your journey.

*****

Thank you to Dr. Therese Rando for her kind permission in using excerpts from her workshop for professionals that Tommy and I attended in July. Her contributions to the grief and trauma field are invaluable. And her contributions for us child-loss grievers are incredibly helpful... As I told Dr. Rando, even though she has never been through child-loss (thank the dear Lord), she "gets it" as to much of what we child-loss grievers are contending. She is one of the few therapists in the field about whom I can say that, and she has been so gracious to share herself and her expertise with us. For that, I am so very grateful.

Picture and Content From workshop of Therese A. Rando, Ph.D, BCETS, BCBT July 9-10, 2010 in "Clinical Interventions in Grief and Mourning," and "Intervening After Sudden and Traumatic Death: Contending with a Special Type of Complicated Mourning," used with permission of the author

Thursday's Therapy - 30 Major Reactions Physically Indicating Anxiety After Your Child's Traumatic Death ~Therese A. Rando, PhD, Complicated Mourning

Thursday's Therapy

30 Major Reactions Physically Indicating

Anxiety

After Your Child's Traumatic Death

~Therese A. Rando, Ph.D., Complicated Mourning, Part Seven

The following are just the physiological symptoms you may have in your Child-loss Grief that will lead toward Anxiety. (We will examine symptoms that lead to depression, etc. next week.) I have been shocked when I have exhibited many of these anxious-type symptoms, and yet, it stands to reason:

Never in my life have I been subjected to such torment as I have in losing my child, losing her suddenly, and losing her violently.

Why should I be surprised my poor body is reeling and anxious over such a tormenting experience?!

30 Major Reactions Physically Indicating Anxiety After the Traumatic Death of Your Child

Motor Tension

• Trembling, shaking, twitching, nervous energy, "jumpy," foot/leg shaking, finger drumming
• Muscle tension, aches, soreness
• Teeth grinding, clenched jaw
• Easily fatigued, exhaustion
• Headache
• Restlessness and searching for something to do

Autonomic Hyperactivity (Being "revved up")

• Anxiety, tension, nervousness
• Heart palpitations, rapid heartbeat
• Shallow and rapid breathing, shortness of breath
• Numbness, tingling sensations
• Smothering sensations
• Dizziness, unsteady feelings, faintness, lightheadedness
• Dry mouth
• Sweating or cold, clammy hands
• Hot flashes or chills
• Chest pain, pressure, or discomfort
• Nausea, diarrhea, other abdominal distress
• Frequent urination
• Tightness in the throat, difficulty swallowing, feeling of something stuck in the throat, choking
• Digestive disturbance (such as upset stomach)
• Stress cardiomyopathy (aka "broken heart syndrome" - when you feel all the symptoms of a heart attack but it is not an actual heart attack

Vigilance and Scanning

• Heightened arousal (hyperarousal)
• Agitation
• Sense of being "geared up"
• Easily startled
• Irritability, outbursts of anger
• Difficulty falling or staying asleep
• Impaired concentration
• Heightened awareness of surroundings in order to be "on guard" (hypervigilance)
• Physiologic reactivity upon exposure to events, stimuli, and/or internal or external cues that remind you of the loved one, the death, events associated with it, and/or other painful reactions to the loss

~Rando, 2011 (In Press)

Picture: http://www.fotosearch.com/photos-images/anxiety.html

From lecture of Therese A. Rando, Ph.D, BCETS, BCBT July 9-10, 2010 in "Clinical Interventions in Grief and Mourning," and "Intervening After Sudden and Traumatic Death: Contending with a Special Type of Complicated Mourning," used with permission of the author

Thursday's Therapy - 25 Major Reactions Socially After Your Child's Traumatic Death ~Therese A. Rando, Ph.D., Complicated Mourning - Part Six

Thursday's Therapy

25 Major Reactions Socially After Your Child's Traumatic Death

~Therese A. Rando, Ph.D., Complicated Mourning

Part Six

What are Some of the Major Reactions we might Expect After the Traumatic Distress of our Child-Loss?

Over these several weeks, we are walking through many of the myriad ways that Child-Loss grief and mourning may be impacting you. As we have said before, since we are multi-dimensional people, grief and trauma will impact us multi-dimensionally! As you probably have observed by now, grief is not the one-dimensional creature we thought it was before we began going through child-loss. Unfortunately, those around you still think your grief should be one-dimensional and therefore fairly easily worked through. So when the expectations around you begin to feel "crazy-making" to you, perhaps you can pull out these lists to remind yourself why this grief is so complicated and therefore so long-term!

Several Dimensions of our Child-Loss Grief:

• Psychological
• Cognitive/Mental
• Behavioral
• Social
• Physical
• Spiritual

Since each of these Dimensions of our Grief entails myriad symptoms, we are addressing one dimension of Child-Loss Grief each week. Today, we look at the Social Dimension of Child-Loss Grief due to our coping with both Trauma and Loss.

25 Major Social Reactions You May Have After Your Child's Traumatic Death:

The first 15 of these are from Dr. Rando, 2011 (In print).

The last 10 of these reactions are from observations made by Tommy and me as we grieve:

Dr. Therese Rando's 15 Major Social Reactions of Child-Loss Grief

1. Lack of interest in other people due to preoccupation with one's beloved child and the loss
2. Lack of interest in usual social activities
3. Social withdrawal from others, Distancing from others
4. Decreased interest for relationships
5. Being critical of others
6. Manifestations of anger with others
7. Loss of or changes in usual patterns of social interaction
8. Feeling alienated from others
9. Feeling detached from others
10. Feeling estranged from others
11. Jealousy of others without loss
12. Clinginess and Dependency on others in some grievers, (More Independence needed by other grievers)
13. Avoidance of being alone in some, (Increased need for Alone time in others)
14. Decreased motivation, energy, direction for relationships
15. Increased manifestations of irritation with others

~Rando, 2011 (In Print)

(Parenthetical notes in numbers 12, 13 mine)

The Princes' 10 Additional Major Social Reactions of Child-Loss Grief:

1. Hypervigilance toward potential threat from other people
2. Feeling less understood by others in regard to the depths and demands of child-loss grief, Feeling like an outcast, or like we're walking through a parallel universe to those civilians who live outside our Child-Loss-Grief "War"
3. Heightened awareness of toxicity of persons in order to discern which relationships are now safe
4. Increased desire for relationships with other child-loss grievers
5. Increased fear of hurting others due to our own awareness of how others' insensitivities have hurt us
6. Increased or Decreased compassion toward others depending on the unique inclinations of each griever
7. Increased desire to hear, read, or learn about the particular grief reactions of other child-loss grievers
8. Seeking new relationships from a broader audience than one's family, church or community by searching for like-minded people via the internet or other avenues
9. Not comfortable being in large crowds
10. Feeling that being around other child-loss grievers is where one can be more real during deep grief: As one child-loss grieving mother said to me,

"When I go to work, that is not reality; when I am around other child-loss grievers, THAT is reality!"

~a fellow grieving mother

~Tommy and Angie Prince

Image from http://www.fotosearch.com/BDX364/bxp125338/

Content excerpts from July 9 and 10, 2010 Lectures by Therese A. Rando, Ph.D. in Chattanooga, Tennessee, Also to be published in 2011

Thursday's Therapy - 25 Major Cognitive Reactions After Your Child's Traumatic Death ~by Therese A. Rando, Ph.D.

Thursday's Therapy

25 Major Cognitive Reactions After

Your Child's Traumatic Death

~by Therese A. Rando, Ph.D., BCETS, BCBT

What are Some of the Major Reactions We Might Expect After the Traumatic Distress of our Child-Loss?

As we discussed two weeks ago, over these few weeks, we will walk through many of the myriad ways that Child-Loss grief and mourning may be impacting you. Since we are multi-dimensional people, grief and trauma will impact us multi-dimensionally! As you probably have observed by now, grief is not the one-dimensional creature we thought it was before we began going through child-loss. Unfortunately, those around us still may think of our grief as one-dimensional and therefore fairly easily worked through. So when the expectations around you begin to feel "crazy-making" to you, perhaps you can pull out these lists to remind yourself why this grief is so complicated and therefore so long-term!

The dimensions we will cover are as follows (Five of these are covered by Dr. Rando's research, the sixth will be covered by that which Tommy and I have observed.):

• Psychological
• Cognitive/Mental
• Behavioral
• Social
• Physical
• Spiritual

Since each of these Dimensions of our Grief entails myriad symptoms, we will address one dimension of Child-Loss Grief each week. Two weeks ago, we covered the Psychological Dimension of Child-Loss Grief due to our coping with both Trauma and Loss. {Last week, we took a hiatus to address the current news about the DSM-V and how it impacts the bereaved.} Tonight, we will cover the Cognitive/Mental Dimension of Child-Loss Grief and Trauma.

25 Major Cognitive Reactions After Your Child's Traumatic Death

1. Forgetfulness
2. Confusion, bewilderment
3. Impaired mental functioning
4. Shattered beliefs
5. Shattered meaning
6. Disbelief
7. Loss of interest in former interests
8. Avoidance of stimuli perceived as toxic or painful
9. Disorganization, distractibility
10. Preoccupation with the loved one and/or the death
11. Uncertainty, lack of clarity
12. Inability to remember aspects of events around the death
13. Impaired concentration, comprehension, mental functioning, memory, problem solving and decision-making
14. Re-experiencing of aspects of events around the death, intrusive thoughts and images, dreams, feeling as if aspects of events around the death were recurring (also includes flashbacks)
15. Shattered assumptive world; cognitive dissonance, changes in the way you think about yourself, the world, others, life, spiritual beliefs
16. Meaninglessness, senselessness, disillusionment, aimlessness
17. Lowered self esteem, feelings of inadequacy
18. Denial
19. Negative thinking, pessimism
20. Diminished self-concern
21. Decreased interest, motivation, initiative, direction
22. Survival losing its appeal (such as loss of interest in life, eating, the future)
23. Nightmares
24. Obsessions
25. Ruminations

Rando (In Print, 2011)

From lecture of Therese A. Rando, Ph.D, BCETS, BCBT July 9-10, 2010 in "Clinical Interventions in Grief and Mourning," and "Intervening After Sudden and Traumatic Death: Contending with a Special Type of Complicated Mourning," used with permission of the author

Thursday's Therapy - 25 Major Psychological Reactions After Your Child's Traumatic Death ~Therese A. Rando, Complicated Mourning, Part Three

Thursday's Therapy

Complicated Mourning

~Therese A. Rando, Ph.D.

Part Three

25 Major Psychological Reactions

After Your Child's Traumatic Death

A reminder: TRAUMATIC BEREAVEMENT in Child-Loss is when grief + mourning over the death of your child is OVERPOWERED by the TRAUMATIC CIRCUMSTANCES of your child's death.

Complicated Mourning would be a condition considered pathological in dealing with most losses, but for THE most severe loss, that of Child-Loss, Complicated Mourning is not to be considered a pathological condition! In THE most severe loss to the human condition, that of CHILD-LOSS,

• Complicated Mourning is the NORM of such grief,
• Complicated Mourning is to be EXPECTED in such severe grief, and
• Complicated Mourning is NOT TO BE CONSIDERED PATHOLOGICAL in the severe grief of CHILD-LOSS.

How then does Sudden and Traumatic Death Impact Your Grief?

• It disables your ability to cope.
• It impairs your functioning.
• It compromises your ability to adapt.
• It adds to your mourning, further distress.
• It complicates your mourning.

What are Some of the Major Reactions we might Expect After the Traumatic Distress of our Child-Loss?

Over the coming weeks, we will walk through many of the myriad ways that Child-Loss grief and mourning may be impacting you. Since we are multi-dimensional people, grief and trauma will impact us multi-dimensionally! As you probably have observed by now, grief is not the one-dimensional creature we thought it was before we began going through child-loss. Unfortunately, those around you still think your grief should be one-dimensional and therefore fairly easily worked through. So when the expectations around you begin to feel "crazy-making" to you, perhaps you can pull out these lists to remind yourself why this grief is so complicated and therefore so long-term!

The dimensions we will cover are as follows (Five of these are covered by Dr. Rando's research, the sixth will be covered by that which Tommy and I have observed.):

• Psychological
• Cognitive/Mental
• Behavioral
• Social
• Physical
• Spiritual

Since each of these Dimensions of our Grief entails myriad symptoms, we will address one dimension of Child-Loss Grief on each upcoming week. Tonight, we will cover the Psychological Dimension of Child-Loss Grief due to our coping with both Trauma and Loss.

Major Reactions Psychologically After Your Child's Traumatic Death:

1. Anxiety, apprehension, fear, anguish, and panic
2. Sorrow, separation pain, yearning, pining, longing, and searching
3. Avoidance, emotional numbing, and forgetting
4. Dissociation
5. Re-experiencing the trauma
6. Feeling overwhelmed, flooded with emotions
7. Helplessness, powerlessness, feeling out-of-control
8. Frustration, intolerance, impatience
9. Fear of going crazy
10. Loneliness, abandonment, feeling detached or estranged from others, or from life in general
11. Anger and hostility
12. Ambivalence
13. Relief
14. Disorganization, depression, and despair
15. Diminished self-concern
16. Guilt, self-reproach, regret, and shame
17. "Losing it"
18. Deprivation, mutilation, feeling empty, violation
19. Vulnerability, insecurity, inability to feel safe
20. Inability to feel happy; loss of pleasure or enjoyment in formerly significant activities
21. Restricted range of feelings, lack of interest or caring
22. Distress when exposed to reminders of the loved one, the death events associated with the loved one, and or reactions to the loss of the loved one
23. Holding on to the loved one
24. Grief and grief spasms
25. Searching for death-related information

~Rando, 2011, In Press

Picture: Dr. Therese A. Rando ~mine

Research: from Rando's new book now in-press, to be coming out in 2011