Monday's Mourning Ministry - Goodbye For Now ~Kathy Troccoli

Monday's Mourning Ministry

Goodbye For Now

~Kathy Troccoli

One of my clients graciously reminded me of this very inspired song this week, so I thought I would share it with you all today. Thank you to my client for sharing a favorite song with me...

This is for those who are waiting to be reunited with loved ones in Heaven.

"Goodbye For Now"

~Kathy Troccoli

(sung, written, and composed by Kathy)

I can't believe that you're really gone now 

Seems like it's all just a dream 

How can it be that the world will go on 

When something has died within me?

Leaves will turn, my heart will burn with colors of you 

Snow will fall but I'll recall your warmth 

Summer wind breathing in your memory 

I'll miss you

But there will be a Time when I'll see your face 

And I'll hear your voice and There we will laugh again 

And there will come a Day when I'll hold you close 

No more tears to cry 'cause we'll have Forever 

But I'll say goodbye for now

I can't imagine my life without you 

You've held a place all your own 

Just knowing you were beneath the same sky 

Oh, what a joy I have known

On rainy days, in many ways, you'll water my heart 

On starry nights I'll glimpse the light of your smile 

Never far from my heart you'll stay with me 

So I'll wait

For there will be a Time when I'll see your face 

And I'll hear your voice and There we will laugh again 

And there will come a Day when I'll hold you close 

No more tears to cry 'cause we'll have Forever 

But I'll say goodbye for now

But there will be a Time when I'll see your face 

And I'll hear your voice and There we will laugh again 

And there will come a Day when I'll hold you close 

No more tears to cry 'cause we'll have Forever...

But I'll say goodbye... for now

~~~

"But we do not want you to be 

uninformed, brethren, 

about those who are asleep,

that you may not grieve, as do 

the rest who have no hope.

For if we believe that Jesus died 

and rose again,

even so, God will bring with Him

those who have fallen asleep in Jesus."

~I Thessalonians 4:13-14

Grief Video: http://youtu.be/b8q_7iVQF0w

Saturday's Sayings - Progress in the Healing Journey… - Part Three

Saturday's Sayings

Progress in the Healing Journey…

Part Three

"There is no despair so absolute as that which comes with the first moments of our first great sorrow, when we have not yet known what it is to have suffered and be healed, to have despaired and have recovered hope."

~George Eliot

~~~

We never really "heal" from Child-Loss Grief and Trauma, but we're always in recovery. We can be in a process of healing, but healing will not completely happen this side of Heaven.

Amidst our Child-Loss Grief and Trauma, when you think about it, we have been assaulted emotionally, physically, and spiritually! We never really "heal" from Child-Loss Grief and Trauma, but we're always in recovery. We can be in a process of healing, but healing will not completely happen this side of Heaven.

~Angie and Tommy

~~~

"The case of a parent losing a child is very special because the most deep-seated protective and nurturant emotions are brutalized. Because this “injury” is so severe to such primitive emotional processes, the grieving parent is likely to feel and express the pain associated with it for the rest of his or her life."

~Dr Joanne Cacciatore

~~~~~

~Death of a Loved One

Although it is human nature for us to ask, "Why?" as Dr. Teddy (Edward) Rynearson teaches us, we learn not to stay in the land of the morbid, asking God and/or ourselves over and over and over, "Why?" as this question really cannot be completely answered in this earthly lifetime. 

~Angie and Tommy

~~~

In Dr. Rynearson's words (from his book, "Violent Death: Restorative Retelling":

(We need to) disengage from this impoverishment of questioning and retelling:

 How could this have happened?

 How could I have kept this from happening?


 How can I find retribution for this dying?


 How can I prevent this from happening again?

~Dr. Edward K. Rynearson

~~~~~

~Sweet to the Soul

"Come away with me by yourself to a quiet place and get some rest." 

~Mark 8:31

~~~

Quietude, which some men cannot abide because it reveals their inward poverty, is a palace of cedar to the wise, for along its hallowed courts the King in His beauty deigns to walk. 

~Charles Spurgeon

~~~

In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in a clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness.

~Author of "Sweet to the Soul"

~~~~~

~Sweet to the Soul

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." 

~Psalm 73:26

~~~

Being strong doesn't mean you have to feel strong inside. In fact, being strong means admitting when you don't feel it. God is our strength and He can walk us through any memory, any raw emotion, any deep scar. They are not to be feared, because He has them in His hands. 

~ Christi Armstrong

~~~~~

Sometimes people don't want to hear the truth because they don't want their illusions destroyed.

~Picture, thanks to Grieving Mother, Dani

We begin to recognize why some people shy away from us… and then we begin to understand why they will never really hear us nor certainly understand us… 

Reality is too stressful for their delusions and illusions to remain intact; keeping their delusions and illusions alive, such as their being in control of their own lives, or of the world being a predictable, manageable, and safe place for them and their loved ones, becomes all important for them.

~Angie and Tommy

~~~~~

~Journey of the Survivor (From Grief to Survival)

We learn to turn to other grievers to understand us, for how can Civilians truly understand the Child-Loss Grief and Trauma War in which we find ourselves trying to cope. Trying to help them understand seems a futile effort, so we find our efforts are better spent with those who already "get it" in regards to the vastness of the dimensions of such Grief and Trauma.

~Angie and Tommy

~~~

"Who better to softly bind up the wound of one, than he who has suffered the same wound himself?"

~Thomas Jefferson

~~~~~

And so we do… learn to tell our stories… For only we can do them justice!

~Angie and Tommy Prince

~~~

Whatever is unnamed, undepicted in images, whatever is omitted from biography, censored in collections of letters, whatever is misnamed as something else, made difficult-to-come-by, whatever is buried in the memory by the collapse of meaning under an inadequate or lying language - - this will become, not merely unspoken, but unspeakable. 

~Adrienne Rich

Picture, Broken: Thanks to ~Death of a Loved one

Saturday's Sayings - Progress in the Healing Journey… - Part Two

Saturday's Sayings

Progress in the Healing Journey…

Part Two

"Mourning is a constant reflection and adjustment. It is the ever present knowledge that I must find ways to live with my loss, and not let my loss live in place of me."

~Sylvia Browne

~~~~~

We never really "heal" from Child-Loss Grief and Trauma, but we're always in recovery. We can be in a process of healing, but healing will not completely happen this side of Heaven. 

Amidst our Child-Loss Grief and Trauma, when you think about it, we have been assaulted emotionally, physically, and spiritually! We never really "heal" from Child-Loss Grief and Trauma, but we're always in recovery. We can be in a process of healing, but healing will not completely happen this side of Heaven.

~Angie and Tommy

~~~

"The case of a parent losing a child is very special because the most deep-seated protective and nurturant emotions are brutalized. Because this 'injury' is so severe to such primitive emotional processes, the grieving parent is likely to feel and express the pain associated with it for the rest of his or her life."

~Dr Joanne Cacciatore

~~~~~

~JESUS, the Music of My Soul

This "going outside...quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God" was the best remedy for me in years one and two especially when I could do little else for comfort. I could not focus on the words in a book, and tears were constantly flowing. To see God's creation constantly at work while I sat in the swing on my patio brought me enormous peace. As I felt the sun and the gentle breeze flow across my skin, I watched the breeze gently swaying the leaves of the bamboo while the birds gathered their seed, the squirrels scampered the ground for leftovers, and the butterflies skittered from flower to flower, sometimes flying right up to me, I could see God's hand at work and know He is so much bigger than I and my little world are, and He takes care of us all down to the finest detail and the tiniest, most helpless creature (which includes me). I could rest in Him and know that even now, He has my little one in His arms, caring for her.

~Angie

~~~~~

~Grieving Mother, Jill Compton via ~Kim's Fun Page

I would add, "...and sometimes I might even find that list when I get there!!!"

Even as we learn that Trauma makes our brains do strange things, like forget many of the things we once did without thinking, we also learn to keep a sense of humor about these manifold changes in our lives that feel crazy-making!!!

~Angie

_____

~Sweet to the Soul

A FRIEND loves at all times. 

~Proverbs 17:17

Ask God to show you the value of other people and the importance of building friendships in your life.

~Sweet to the Soul

~~~

We find that fellow-grievers become the best companions on this terrible road of grief, amidst this torrential trail of tears...

~Angie and Tommy

~~~~~

~Death of a Loved one 

The regulating of our body which we once did without thinking is now affected because Trauma damages our brain, so we must focus on how to better take care of our bodies, souls, and spirits. It seems a rare commodity these days to get a good solid night's eight hours of sleep, and yet we strive to get the sleep even if it must be taken in spurts. Exercise, we notice, helps tremendously to make our physical bodies tired, so tired that it can help to override the mind's constant duress, the soul's agonizing searching for understanding, and the heart's ever grieving state that looks for chances to release that grief.

~Angie and Tommy

~~~~~

~Grieving Mothers

We begin to be amazed that we can feel so close to our child, and we revel in that closeness…

~Angie and Tommy

~~~~~

~Grieving Mother, Dani MarieBernadette D'Angelo 

When we wonder why our love for our child could bring such suffering into our hearts on a daily basis, we begin to wonder if we are doing something "wrong," after all, there is always the pressure by others to get on with it all… 

and then we look at our our beloved Lord who suffered in His life because of loving us… and then we know, suffering is par for the course when you love deeply!

~Angie and Tommy

~~~~~

~Grieving Mother, Dani MarieBernadette D'Angelo 

We begin to recognize that the end of our strength only represents the beginning of God's…

~Angie and Tommy

Picture, Broken, thanks to ~Death of a Loved one 

Saturday's Sayings - Progress in the Healing Journey… - Part One

Saturday's Sayings

Progress in the Healing Journey…

Part One

We never really "heal" from Child-Loss Grief and Trauma, but we're always in recovery. We can be in a process of healing, but healing will not completely happen this side of Heaven. 

Amidst our Child-Loss Grief and Trauma, when you think about it, we have been assaulted emotionally, physically, and spiritually! We never really "heal" from Child-Loss Grief and Trauma, but we're always in recovery. We can be in a process of healing, but healing will not completely happen this side of Heaven.

~Angie and Tommy

~~~

"The case of a parent losing a child is very special because the most deep-seated protective and nurturant emotions are brutalized. Because this 'injury' is so severe to such primitive emotional processes, the grieving parent is likely to feel and express the pain associated with it for the rest of his or her life."

~Dr Joanne Cacciatore

~~~~~

~Grieving Mother, Robin Craig

We somehow learn to hold the terrible things in abeyance while we accept the beautiful, knowing the two must always co-exist, as life will never be completely beautiful again. And we learn to allow God to put our trust back together, one tiny baby step at a time, always allowing Him to comfort us that we need not be afraid; He is always right beside us, even as He is with our child…

~Angie and Tommy

~~~~~

~The Social Butterfly

We learn that a simple thing like our breathing can get messed up. Remembering to breathe slowly and deeply from the abdomen can often restore some normalcy to our worn out bodies and souls. Breathing deeply can remind our traumatized bodies what it feels like to be "normal" again. Even these very basic functions of our lives (such as breathing) can get disrupted and confused to where many times, we do find ourselves holding our breath, as if by doing so, we could bring back those precious normal days when our child was here with us: 

As if we could, "Stop the breath = Stop the madness!!!" 

When I was standing in the "Receiving Friends" line for my daughter's funeral, I was bemused to hear a Child-Loss Griever tell me, "Just remember to breathe." Now, I understand…

~Angie and Tommy

~~~~~

~Grieving Mother, Darlene Thomas

We learn to accept our new idiosyncrasies… and we even learn to laugh about them!

~Angie and Tommy

~~~~~

~Out of the Ashes

We begin to be so grateful for the depth of our love for our precious child, that we don't mind the necessary depth of grief that must follow!

~Angie and Tommy

~~~~~

Grieving is a personal and highly individual experience. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, your life experience, your faith, and the nature of the loss. The grieving process takes time. Healing happens gradually; it can't be forced or hurried--and there is no "normal" timetable for grieving. Some people start to feel better in weeks or months. For others, the grieving process is measured in years. Whatever your grief experience, it's important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to naturally unfold.

~Death of a Loved one

~~~

We know that with Child-Loss Grief and Trauma, it takes more than months or years; it takes a life-time. As we begin to accept that reality, we begin to become accustomed to and patient with the ebbs and flows of Child-Loss Grief-and-Trauma.

~Angie and Tommy

~~~~~

~Grieving Mother, Dani MarieBernadette D'Angelo

Each of us who has experienced child loss personally knows the feeling of isolation, abandonment, exhaustion, misunderstanding, and pain. We have gone through anguish like none other known to mankind, and yet we're here. We're here because deep within our soul we have a seed of hope that tells us someday we will be united with our child again. We can feel our soul joined to the soul of our child. As broken as we are, we weep, yet we hope. We're in pain, yet we know there will one day be an end to all pain. We cry millions of tears, but we know one day all tears will be dried. And, so in all of our brokenness we cling tightly to hope. May God bless each one who has known this terrible pain of losing a child with an extra measure of hope today!

~Silent Grief - Child Loss Support

Picture, Broken, thanks to "Death of a Loved one"

Tuesday's Trust - Another's Grief...

Tuesday's Trust

Another's Grief...

I heard a message once that faith does not make the grief hurt any less, and I appreciate the honesty of that because I think we do people an unspeakable disservice when we assume that faith somehow ought to make it less painful of a road to walk.

~Alina Sato, in a response to the post by Guy Delcambre printed below

As the following writer also says, 

"one foot in front of the other while the day just burns and trust is the only value holding. it’s a lasting rhythm of grace in our lives..." 

~Guy Delcambre 

May God help us hold on to that trust!

Grief, 3 little girls and God somewhere.

by Guy

Some say death is the ultimate end to all that we know.
For many, it is.

My wife died, and that’s completely all there is to it.

In one moment, breath and dreams and family and tomorrow.  In the next, nothing.  Just that quickly did death find my family and measure our days short.
The end.

No grand finale or poetic poise to faith resurrecting in the damnedest of circumstance but a bludgeoned entrance of death into the innocence of the good we knew.  Death takes without asking, steals without repaying and enters without permission or concern.

We were five all together.  Minus her, my wife, we are now four; myself and my young daughters left to a new day foreign, still speaking the language of yesterday.

It’s been two years since my wife drew her last breath in an ICU room after five days of being supported by medicine and machines, and finally I feel as though we are just beginning to level out.  You could imagine the polarized difference between a household balanced with two loving parents being reduced to half and the weight it would add.  Add sorrow and grief into the mix and the emptiness of daughter without mother.  And now add the emotional differences of three little girls and a hollowed out, shell-shocked dad.  That’s a recipe for implosion, full meltdown.

There’s a good chance you can’t imagine it.  I couldn’t prior to the day that found us.

Beyond the one no longer alive is the one no longer living.  Like a fire sale, death bargains for them both or them all.  The one no longer here, body a broken, lifeless temple, and the other left stranded in a hopeless, darkened, echoing day where death cuts deep and the loneliness even deeper.  Those who remain, they are the walking dead alive mostly in haunting, loving memories; lost in and detached from a new arriving, unchosen day.  Every day.

“I wish I could die.”

Those words rang through my thoughts, not violently, but with a weariness of heart tired before sunrise and ill at ease in the dark of night.  Sleep gave no rest and day no advance.  I wasn’t myself anymore.  I was halved.

Faith had a ceiling

and love had end.

Death reaching for two, it’s selfish in that way.

I moved at a pace slowed by shock and sorrow, a half step behind, a shadow shuffling lost into days that kept breaking like waves crashing onto the shore …pulling …and grabbing …and taking with each day crashing into the next more of the broken ground I stood on.

Tragedy in the form of death unexpected and unannounced forever changed my family.  My daughters aged 3, 6 and 8 years old at the time were forced out of comfort and the arms of their mother into an abyss grief and life uncharted.  There aren’t any exact manuals on how to handle life when it turns so sharply.  For the longest time, I just floated and held on for as long as I could, sometimes only minutes.  Then I would let go.  Every day stretched out so big and impossible.  Some days, waking up nearly took all that I had.  Many days were filled with questions belonging to no easy answer and tears just falling free.  But oh my, how their faces seemed to find smiles bent upward honestly!  In this stronger day, I can still hardly believe it or much less handle it.  I am overwhelmed by God’s strong love breaking the brunt of waves crashing in our lives.

We should be so much worse off, but we’re not.  This day is better than the last and the one before.

The immeasurable depth of God’s goodness and grace to find us in every crumbling moment is nothing less than the greatest miracle dawning the darkest of my nights.

For He finds us in the thinnest spaces, where scales threaten our sight and our hearts lose life.  He pursues us to the deepest depth.  His grace ever set upon us with the strength of forever.

:::::::

Tomorrow belongs to us together and God’s undying grace blossoming buds of hope in the soil of death.

~by Guy Delcambre, as found in the blog post listed below:

http://deeperstory.com/grief-3-little-girls-and-god-somewhere/

Blog Post by Guy Delcambre: http://deeperstory.com/grief-3-little-girls-and-god-somewhere/

Tuesday's Trust - I Have a Broken-Heart "Mother-Daughter" Necklace

Tuesday's Trust

I Have a Broken-Heart "Mother-Daughter" Necklace

I have a broken-heart "Mother-Daughter" necklace

representing my mother, my daughter, and myself,

our hearts ever entwined, our bond strong as a carapace,

even as two are now in Heaven, yet one is still here…

Each day, I shed many a tear,

my grief, so strong, it oft disarms,

But thankfully, the story doesn't end there,

for all three of us are bonded 

and 

surrounded with care,

now ensconced in Love, 

wrapped in Jesus' arms,

and we will be reunited One Day, 

when God, 

our broken hearts, 

will 

then 

repair.

Till then my broken heart

spills out

its loving care,

along with tears 

poured out

to water our Love so fair.

I have a broken-heart "Mother-Daughter" necklace

representing my mother, my daughter, and myself,

our hearts ever entwined, our bond strong as a carapace,

even as two are now in Heaven, yet one is still here…

Picture, via Amazon.com

Poem - I Have a Broken-Heart "Mother-Daughter" Necklace - Angie Bennett Prince - 7/8/2012

Monday's Mourning Ministry - Till the Storm Passes By ~Ben Speer

Monday's Mourning Ministry

Till the Storm Passes By

~Ben Speer

Till the Storm Passes By

~Ben Speer

In the dark of the midnight

Have I oft hid my face

While the storm howls above me ~

Then there's no hiding place

Hear the crash of the thunder

Precious Lord, hear my cry

Keep me safe till the storm passes by

Till the storm passes over

Till the thunder sounds no more

Till the clouds roll forever from the sky

Hold me fast; 

Let me stand

In the hollow of Thy hand

Keep me safe till the storm passes by

Many times Satan tells me

There is no need to try

For there's no end of sorrow

There's no hope by and by

But I know Thou art with me

And tomorrow I'll rise

Where the storms never darken the skies

Till the storm passes over

Till the thunder sounds no more

Till the clouds roll forever from the sky

Hold me fast; 

Let me stand

In the hollow of Thy hand

Keep me safe till the storm passes by

Keep me safe till the storm passes by

http://youtu.be/21VW741urFY