Thursday, April 18, 2013

Thursday's Therapy - How to Deal with Toxic People ~Robyn Lindsey

Thursday's Therapy

How to Deal with Toxic People

~Empowerment and Grief Coach, Robyn Lindsey

April 4, 2012

How to deal with toxic people

Greetings! My name is Robyn and I am a certified empowerment and grief coach...

I’ve done a lot of work with crazy-makers or emotional vampires. Something I think we all struggle with is the unhealthy people and situations that seem to make their way into our lives.

We all strive to live an empowered life. We all want to soar. Yet there are people who seem to have no function but to sabotage our efforts. How do we deal with these speedbumps? How do we cope?

The first step is to identify these people in your life. I’ve had bosses, co-workers, family members, and friends all be speedbumps in my forward progress. I’ve also had people I barely knew act as a crazy-maker or emotional vampire.

Once you are aware of who they are, it’s time for some boundaries. Working on a new project? Don’t share the details with them. Don’t give them a chance to get you down. Instead, reach out to those who stand by you, who hold you up, who offer support.

If you have to go out to dinner with your Aunt Ruth who tries to break you down, only discuss non personal topics. Make a list of “safe topics” and memorize it. Talk about the weather, a news story, a new baby in the family. Have a wonderful, pleasant meal without the attacks. Do the same with co-workers (though likely tweaking the topics a bit).

I have some satellite family members who like to negate my attempts. They haven’t learned how to think outside the box, so when I do so, they panic and tell me all the ways it’s not possible. I stopped telling them what I was working on. When I wrote my book recently, there were perhaps 3 family members that I told while I was writing. The others? I shared after, and they cheered me on. Had I told them during though, they would have been crazy-makers and thwarted my efforts.

Know your right people. Share your efforts with those who will encourage you and you will soar.
If you are constantly finding yourself in situations that get you down, I’d suggest journaling it out. Why are you in those situations? Are you drawn in (thereby acting as your own crazymaker)? Are you required to be there because of a job? If your job is constantly a toxic environment, I’d suggest you get out if you can. Can you avoid these situations? If you can, do so. If you can’t, be clear with your boundaries and don’t allow others to trample them. Journal. Journal. Journal. I really can’t say that enough.

One last thing… about journaling and crazy-makers. If you journal daily, at least 3 pages, your champions and crazymakers will become apparent. You won’t really have to do much more self-examination to be crystal clear on just who they are.

Know what else? You deserve to soar. You deserve to be cheered on!

~Robyn Lindsey, Empowerment and Grief Coach


For more on "Emotional Vampires," you may want to check out our post from November 5, 2009:



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