“Losing My Mind, or Minding My Loss?”
One of my sons sat before me a few days ago (only days after Mother's Day), questioning, in essence, if I am losing my mind…???
I sat there, amazed at his impudence, but also amazed at my somber, sober reaction. Internally, I immediately felt, “Of course not!” (After all, I am a therapist who hears people’s hurts, and by necessity, I must be able to remember those vivid details of a person’s life who has risked sharing his or her very deep-seated horrors.) So I wasn’t much moved by his audacious question. I immediately said that if I had not remembered some things he had told me, it was more likely that I was feeling traumatized at the time and just couldn’t take in more information. He was not easily persuaded of this truth.
What is it that Trauma does to us? It can be downright horrific, and for me, especially around this Mother’s Day holiday, I am indeed traumatized by my loss of my precious daughter; to me there is absolutely nothing strange about my reactions to such loss. And when I am dealing with that deep degree of pain, I very likely will not be up to “taking in” everyday chitchat. And, for me, that is Okay.
Tommy and I have found it crucial that we process our ongoing loss; it is more painful than anything this world could throw in our path. Our loss of our child is absolutely the most devastating loss anyone could ever suffer, and the pain does not cease and desist just because time passes. This all-pervasive-loss occurs and re-occurs in our hearts and psyches, often when we very least expect it. Our loss must be allowed to process through whether we are “ready” or not, and it can feel downright horrific as we walk through it.
But walking through such hurt can also be very healing. We are drawn closer to our child, and closer to our own broken hearts ~ all of which is crucial for our own healing, and for our own connecting with the precious child we lost. May our surviving family members accept our brokenness as part and parcel of the Love we must be allowed to continually pour out, not only for our precious living children, but also for the precious child we lost!
In His Love,
Angie
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