Thursday's Therapy - The Road to Resilience - Part One

Thursday's Therapy

The Road to Resilience

Part One

Introduction

How do people deal with difficult events that change their lives? The death of a loved one, loss of a job, serious illness, terrorist attacks and other traumatic events: these are all examples of very challenging life experiences. Many people react to such circumstances with a flood of strong emotions and a sense of uncertainty.

Yet people generally adapt well over time to life-changing situations and stressful conditions. What enables them to do so? It involves resilience, an ongoing process that requires time and effort and engages people in taking a number of steps.

This brochure is intended to help readers with taking their own road to resilience. The information within describes resilience and some factors that affect how people deal with hardship. Much of the brochure focuses on developing and using a personal strategy for enhancing resilience.

What is resilience?

Resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or even significant sources of stress -- such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems, or workplace and financial stressors. It means "bouncing back" from difficult experiences.

Research has shown that resilience is ordinary, not extraordinary. People commonly demonstrate resilience. One example is the response of many Americans to the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks and individuals' efforts to rebuild their lives.
Being resilient does not mean that a person doesn't experience difficulty or distress. Emotional pain and sadness are common in people who have suffered major adversity or trauma in their lives. In fact, the road to resilience is likely to involve considerable emotional distress.

Resilience is not a trait that people either have or do not have. It involves behaviors, thoughts, and actions that can be learned and developed in anyone.

Resilience factors & strategies

Factors in Resilience

A combination of factors contributes to resilience. Many studies show that the primary factor in resilience is having caring and supportive relationships within and outside the family. Relationships that create love and trust, provide role models, and offer encouragement and reassurance help bolster a person's resilience.

Several additional factors are associated with resilience, including:

• The capacity to make realistic plans and take steps to carry them out
• A positive view of yourself and confidence in your strengths and abilities
• Skills in communication and problem solving
• The capacity to manage strong feelings and impulses

All of these are factors that people can develop in themselves.

Strategies For Building Resilience

Developing resilience is a personal journey. People do not all react the same to traumatic and stressful life events. An approach to building resilience that works for one person might not work for another. People use varying strategies.

Some variation may reflect cultural differences. A person's culture might have an impact on how he or she communicates feelings and deals with adversity -- for example, whether and how a person connects with significant others, including extended family members and community resources. With growing cultural diversity, the public has greater access to a number of different approaches to building resilience.

Some or many of the ways to build resilience in the following pages may be appropriate to consider in developing your personal strategy.

~The American Psychological Association

http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/road-resilience.aspx#

About this guide

Information contained in this brochure should not be used as a substitute for professional health and mental health care or consultation. Individuals who believe they may need or benefit from care should consult a psychologist or other licensed health/mental health professional.

Acknowledgments:

The American Psychological Association gratefully acknowledges the following contributors to this publication:

Lillian Comas-Diaz, Ph.D., Director, Transcultural Mental Health Institute, Washington, D.C.

Suniya S. Luthar, Ph.D., Teachers College, Columbia University, New York City, NY

Salvatore R. Maddi, Ph.D., The Hardiness Institute, Inc., University of California at Irvine, Newport Beach, CA

H. Katherine (Kit) O'Neill, Ph.D., North Dakota State University and Knowlton, O'Neill and Associates, Fargo, ND

Karen W. Saakvitne, Ph.D., Traumatic Stress Institute/Center for Adult & Adolescent Psychotherapy, South Windsor, CT

Richard Glenn Tedeschi, Ph.D., Department of Psychology, University of North Carolina at Charlotte

American Psychological Association

The American Psychological Association (APA), located in Washington, DC, is the largest scientific and professional organization representing psychology in the United States and is the world's largest association of psychologists. APA's membership includes more than 155,000 researchers, educators, clinicians, consultants and students. Through its 53 divisions and its affiliations with 60 state, territorial and Canadian provincial associations, APA works to advance psychology as a science and profession and as a means of promoting health and human welfare.

Discovery Health Channel

Discovery Health Channel takes viewers inside the fascinating and informative world of health and medicine to experience firsthand, compelling, real life stories of medical breakthroughs and human triumphs. From the people who bring you the Discovery Channel, the most trusted brand on television, Discovery Health Channel is part of a major, multi-media business designed to help consumers lead healthier, more vigorous lives. Discovery Health Channel and Discvoery.com/health were formed by Discovery Communications, Inc. (DCI), a privately held, diversified media company headquartered in Bethesda, MD.

Wednesday's Woe - Pulling the Strings of My Broken Heart…

Wednesday's Woe

Pulling the Strings of My Broken Heart…

My granddaughter hugged me yesterday

She wrapped me close in her arms

Just 18 months old, but so full of love,

So full of life with her smile that charms.

How can she love me, I ask myself,

So emptied am I by death?

There's no one here; I see my life up on a shelf:

And yet, her first hug takes away my breath...

What is this, the power of love,

That brings such tears from my eyes?

This little one lifts my eyes Above

To search for you in the skies…

A little girl that brings such laughter,

A heart of gold, tender words from her heart

Brings me glimpses of the Ever After

For this is a love only God could impart.

Such gifts of love, my granddaughter and you,

How does my heart contain such love?

Tender moments, like I had with you

Make me know again, our God IS Love!

Hold her close, dear God who draws near...

Hold my child when I cannot,

And hold close this little one who is here

Reminding me there's still life in this broken heart…

Tell me Lord,

How does such a little one

Know so deeply of Your love?

So little, yet so full of You…

Tiny, yet Your love shines through.

Our Father, though in Heaven, Thou art

Thankfully, pulling the strings of my broken heart.

Poem - Pulling the Strings of My Broken Heart... - Angie Bennett Prince - February 26, 2013

Picture, thanks to ~Angel's Attic

Tuesday's Trust - What do you do When Hope Dies?

Tuesday's Trust

What do you do When Hope Dies?

In your depressed state as you face your child's death and realize you will never see them again on this earth, do you sometimes feel you want to die, or wish you would just die too, because you cannot imagine ever finding any relief again since your child died? 

And sometimes do you drift away from God, perhaps in your disillusionment with your child's death, so that it even seems all hope has died? 

What do we do then When Hope Dies?

I received the following message in an email a few weeks ago from GriefShare; in it Dr. Stowell tells us what he believes is really the only thing we can do when our hope has died...

Grief Runs Deep: Where Is the Hope?

Dr. Joseph Stowell says, 

"Even though your heart is breaking and tears are clouding your eyes and staining your cheeks, God does give us something worth trusting in tough times. 

"And that's Him, and Him alone." 

When your heart is breaking, you can place your hope and trust in the Lord.

~~~

Since heaven has become your home

I sometimes feel that I'm alone;

And though we now are far apart

You hold a big piece of my heart

I never knew how much I'd grieve

When it was time for you to leave

Or just how much my heart would ache

From that one fragment you would take

God let this tiny hole remain,

Reminding me we'd meet again

And one day all the pain will cease

When He restores this missing piece

For God will heal each tiny part

~picture, thanks to Grieving Mother, Gina Cannata Luffman

~~~

~picture, thanks to "Jesus Still Saves Heals and Answers Prayer"

Monday's Mourning Ministry - Hello - ~Jason Gould

Monday's Mourning Ministry

Hello

~Jason Gould

(Son of Barbara Streisand and Eliot Gould)

Morning and night will fall

I'm holding on, and letting go…

Fragile and soft your face

Still it comes to me and fills this place

Again

(chorus)

You're on the Other Side I know

But I still hear your voice

Behind the Door

And I didn't get to say the last "Goodbye"

All I can say is just "Hello, Hello, Hello"

Together, then torn apart

The winter storm, the flowers die

What will these days become

For you have gone

And hours alone

Again

You're on the Other Side I know

But I still hear your voice

Behind the Door

And I didn't get to say the last "Goodbye"

All I can say is just "Hello"

I'll meet you where the stars and the sun run out of sky

Where the memories of our life collide

Where the time will run away

Where the moment never dies

Forever you and I

You're on the Other Side I know

But I still hear your voice

Behind the Door

And I didn't get to say my last "Goodbye"

All I can say is just "Hello, Hello, Hello"

You're on the Other (You're on the Other Side) Side I know

But I still hear your voice (hear your voice)

Behind the Door

And I didn't get to say the last "Goodbye"

All I can say (I can say) "Hello"

(On the Other Side)

~~~~~

Grief Video: http://youtu.be/MfEyl8UqTUs

Saturday's Sayings - Progress in the Healing Journey… - Part Five

Saturday's Sayings

Progress in the Healing Journey…

Part Five

"Accept new forms of life and talk to the dead who drift in through the screened windows, who collect patiently on the tops of food jars and books. Recycle the mail, don't read it, don't read anything except what destroys the insulation between yourself and your experience or what pulls down or what strikes at or what shatters this ruse you call necessity."

~Louise Erdrich

~~~

We never really "heal" from Child-Loss Grief and Trauma, but we're always in recovery. We can be in a process of healing, but healing will not completely happen this side of Heaven.

Amidst our Child-Loss Grief and Trauma, when you think about it, we have been assaulted emotionally, physically, and spiritually! We never really "heal" from Child-Loss Grief and Trauma, but we're always in recovery. We can be in a process of healing, but healing will not completely happen this side of Heaven.

~Angie and Tommy

~~~

"The case of a parent losing a child is very special because the most deep-seated protective and nurturant emotions are brutalized. Because this “injury” is so severe to such primitive emotional processes, the grieving parent is likely to feel and express the pain associated with it for the rest of his or her life."

~Dr Joanne Cacciatore

~~~~~

The secondary injury of people's lack of understanding or even hurtful words can sometimes feel worse  when those we expected would love us through the world's worst grief not only aren't there for us, but say some of the most hurtful words, or show the meanest of attitudes when they feel threatened by the depth of our grief. This adds loss upon our loss and feels almost unbearable.

~~~~~

Some people seemed desperate to get us back out into their public circles, even inviting us to their dinner parties early into our grief. They just couldn't seem to fathom the depth of our grief that insisted we attend to our broken hearts in the privacy of our own home. However, it was very important to our emotional welfare that we be able to set the appropriate boundaries in regard to what we felt was right for us amidst our deep grief.

~~~~~

People seem to feel very threatened that a part of us dies too when our child dies. We just accept it for what it is, but we strive to find the healthy ways to continue life even as we die…

~~~~~

Just like experiencing the waves of the ocean, we learn not to be surprised when that wave of grief comes that knocks us flat. Experience teaches us these brutal waves will continue to come and go, and we learn to be thankful for the reprieves.

~~~~~

It is important to give ourselves permission to do what we need to do in order to survive our grief, then cope with our grief AND at the same time, not put upon ourselves the unnecessary burden of needing to, or trying to, explain ourselves to others.

~~~~~

Grief is indeed a roller-coaster experience. There are many times we are down in the depths, and thankfully, there begin to be times when we can climb into our child's new reality by Faith, and can rejoice with them that they are set free to live unhindered by this world's troubles. We begin to accept our earthly lives will be full of such roller-coaster experiences and learn to hold on for dear life amidst the steep falls, and smile with exhilaration upon learning to "see" by faith our child's smiles on the Other Side.

All graphics, thanks to ~Death of a Loved one 

Friday's Faith - If God Had Told Me...

Friday's Faith

If God Had Told Me...

If before you were born, I could have gone to Heaven and (could have seen) all the beautiful souls, I still would have chosen you...

If God had told me "This soul will one day need extra care," I still would have chosen you...

If He had told me "One day this soul may make your heart bleed," I still would have chosen you...

If He had told me "This soul would make me question the depth of my faith," I would still have chosen you....

If He had told me "This soul would make tears flow from my eyes that would overflow a river," I would still have chosen you....

If He had told me "Our time spent together here on earth could be short," I still would have chosen you....

If He had told me "This soul may one day make me endure overbearing suffering," I still would have chosen you...

If He had told me "All that you know to be normal would drastically change," I still would have chosen you...

Of course, even though I would have chosen you, I know it was God who (chose) me for you...

Thank you God for allowing me to be your mommy...

~Author Unknown

~~~

~Journey of the Survivor (From Grief to Survival)

Top graphic with Scripture, I Corinthians 13:7-8: thanks to Grieving Mother, ~Pat Dattoli Wentworth

Thursday's Therapy - Resilience ~ Part Three - Developing Personal Resilience

Thursday's Therapy

Resilience ~ Part Three

Developing Personal Resilience 

Human energy is the currency of change. Mental, emotional, and physical energy are required to shift minds, hearts, and bodies into new patterns. Resilience—thriving in the midst of turbulence—ultimately comes down to how people use their energy when they encounter disruption.

What can individuals do to manage their own energy effectively during change?

People are fundamentally resilient. One way or another, we pick up and carry on after just about anything—natural disasters, broken hearts, even the Holocaust. Most organizational change is relatively small in comparison to the challenges that people have overcome in other arenas of life. Why, then, do we sometimes struggle with it so?

In many ways, organizational change creates the same dynamics that life crises do. When people make decisions that affect us, we experience a loss of control. When those decisions require us to change established patterns of thinking and behaving, we grieve the loss of the familiar and we get frustrated when our mental models of how to operate no longer work. We expend energy to help us work through the emotions and build new mental models that enable us to succeed. We adapt. But sometimes we thrash around a lot in the process and burn up energy that we could be using more productively.

Some people seem to go through this process of adaptation more easily than others. In other words, they get better results with less wasted energy. There’s no big mystery to it…research and experience point to a set of elements that help them do this. Let me briefly describe each of them.

Positive - This one is the cornerstone. When you are able to see hope and possibility in dark corners, you have a reason to engage your energy in dealing with the challenges. If all you see are dangers, your energy goes into worrying, defending, and protecting.

Focused - By definition, change brings confusion and ambiguity. It’s not always clear what you should be doing with that limited supply of energy. If you’ve done the work of thinking about what’s important to you, and you’ve practiced saying “no” to anything that’s not, you can direct your energy wisely. If you’re responding to others’ needs and demands without a compass, you will scatter your energy all over the place and end up burned out and drained.

Flexible - Most change involves solving unfamiliar problems and generating new approaches. There are two things that can help you here. First, being good at coming up with a lot of ideas. Not only is this fun, which means it usually increases your energy level, but it also helps you identify possibilities and options. When you only stick with familiar ways of thinking, and look for “the one right answer” too soon, you usually get frustrated and drain your energy trying to make old answers fit new questions.

The second part of being flexible is recognizing that other people have energy too. You don’t have to do it all yourself. Drawing on others’ mental capacity, emotional support, and physical assistance boosts your available resources. When you try to go it alone, you use more of your energy than you need to.

Organized - In the midst of turbulence, order and stability play a critical role. You need to be able to establish zones of predictability by creating effective structures and plans, and using them with disciplined attention. Otherwise your energy gets drained in chaos and clutter.

Proactive - If you wait for certainty before doing anything to respond to the challenges of change, you will wait a long time and miss a lot of departing trains. This last element of resilience is about taking risks; moving out of your comfort zone; experimenting and learning. You can waste an awful lot of energy trying to create a perfect solution. Sometimes you just have to move, see what happens, and adjust from there.

So the next obvious question is: 

Can people learn to do these things better, or are we born with a level of resilience we can’t change? 

My answer: These characteristics are like muscles. Some people start with more than others, but through regular practice, we can all get stronger. It’s not necessarily easy, and you don’t do it in one training class. Instead, you take time every day to do the resilience equivalent of push ups and biceps curls, so that when the challenges hit, your responses come easily and you apply your energy efficiently and effectively to adapt to the changes you face.

~Linda Hoopes, May 29, 2011  

Article: http://www.reply-mc.com/2011/05/29/developing-personal-resilience-by-linda-hoopes/

Wednesday's Woe - No Words for "Why I Can't…"

It can be confusing to find your way through all that grief seems to throw in the path. Be gentle. Slow down. Take the time and space you need to notice what you are really feeling. *BE* with those feelings. Give yourself permission to express and let each emotion roll to the next emotion. 

Grief is a roller coaster. It's okay. Know that the world is impatient, but you can take as many days, weeks, months, years as you need to make sense of what has happened. There is nothing wrong with you. You are simply heart tending. Of course you hurt and feel disoriented. Why in the world wouldn't you feel those things?

Wednesday's Woe

No Words for "Why I Can't…" 

"Don't say it's not really so bad.  Because it is.  Death is awful, demonic. People sometimes think things are more awful than they really are.  Such people need to be corrected -- gently, eventually.  But no one thinks death is more awful than it is." 

~ Nicholas Wolterstorff, Lament for a Son

There are just some things you can't put in words in terms of why we won't tolerate something now...

Going through the death of our child is, to put it simply, horrific. As Wolterstorff proclaims, 

"Don't say it's not really so bad.  Because it is.  Death is awful, demonic." 

Each of us going through Child-Loss is facing the downright demonic. Now, on top of that horrific reality, do you really think I am going to put up with needless toxicity from people who create drama just for drama's sake? Absolutely not. I avoid toxicity like the plague.

The tolerance is not there that there used to be for certain things. We keep thinking we might be able to get it back and we sometimes wonder why we can't, and then suddenly we realize why we should not have such tolerance anyway. 

Why would we even try to tolerate inanity?

Like I told Tommy earlier today, 

"There are just some things I realize are never going to work again. Relationships we sensed were toxic before Child-Loss but simply tolerated as best we could, now cannot be tolerated at all."

The simple truth is, 

We don't 'do' toxicity! 

The Child-Loss grieving heart already has quite enough weighing on it, thank you very much. Anybody's silly toxicity they try to dump in our laps will not be tolerated. 

There is no room in our macerated hearts for "the Jerry Springers" (the trouble-makers) of the world. If they want to do toxicity, they had best take it elsewhere.

There are just some things that words cannot explain. I don't know "why" I can't do such-and-such ; I just know I can't do that! And we don't think we owe any one any explanation! Surely losing our baby girl exempts us from having to explain ourselves. It's not going to change who we are ~ even if we could explain it. So we don't bother trying...

These are the after-effects of what comes from having your entire being assaulted by the trauma of losing your child. As the graphic above states, "There is nothing wrong with (me. I) am simply heart tending." 

My heart tending must become more important than anyone's neurotic or mean-spirited toxicity, and I owe them no explanation. 

Besides, there are just some things we can't put into words in terms of why we won't tolerate something now... If you are toxic, you wouldn't understand it anyway.

Graphic, thanks to ~Mother Henna pinterest

Tuesday's Trust - We "Are Weak, but He Is Strong"

Think twice before telling 

someone to be strong,

because usually a strong 

person is the one who 

loves deeply, 

loves fiercely, 

and will grieve 

severely.

Tuesday's Trust

We "Are Weak, but He Is Strong"

Strength takes on a new meaning for the Child-Loss Griever. We find that our severe weakness comes to exemplify the depth of love we have for our child, and so, over time, such weakness no longer alarms us, but gratifies us in that it represents the sacred love in our heart we have for our precious child. 

And as Christ told us, we will find that as we are "weak," depleted of our own human strength,  indeed, with His help,  we become "strong" as He ever works more mightily in us when we must lean on Him. It seems we also grow stronger amidst our devastating grief because we come to know what our lives are all about as we look closely at our broken heart, and that is, our lives have been all about pouring out our hearts of love for our child. 

Unfortunately, those around us continue to bemoan our "weakness," and wish we would just get on with "life as usual." What they don't seem to understand is that our hearts are being forced to grow deeper and wider as we are stretched to the nth degree by the loss of our child, and in so doing, our lives become all the more enriched and nourished amidst the depths of such love. 

It is a new kind of strength that is hard to explain; it is similar to the Scripture when it describes, the old man is gone; the new has come: 

We are weaker in regard to what the world considers important, but we are much stronger in regard to what is really important.  

Like a butterfly coming out of the dark cocoon, the old is gone, but the new that appears is full of life and light and beauty as we recognize what is really important in this life.

So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 

~2 Corinthians 5:16-17 (NIV)

So too, amidst our child's death as the shackles fall from our eyes, we are somehow pleased to see that the "old" is gone… with its ways of getting caught up in what this world thinks is important, and the "new" has come. Our hearts now are fully invested in love, for our child, for our own broken hearts, and for all the other grieving mothers and daddies who are grieving around us. So we sense a new strength while those around us may still see only our depleted weakness, but we must remember…

as Scripture says,

"these words are there (in God's Word for us) so that you can answer those who take pride in what is seen rather than in what is in the heart." 

~2 Corinthians 5:12b (NIV)

Picture, thanks to ~Death of a Loved One 

Scriptures, from The New International Version of The Holy Bible

Monday's Mourning Ministry - Need You Now ~Plumb

Monday's Mourning Ministry

Need You Now

~Plumb

Need You Now (How Many Times)

~Plumb

from the album Need You Now (How Many Times) - Single

Well everybody's got a story to tell 

And everybody's got a wound to be healed 

I want to believe there's beauty here 

Cause oh, I get so tired of holding on 

I can't let go, I can't move on 

I want to believe there's meaning here 

(Chorus) 

How many times have you heard me cry out 

"God please take this"? 

How many times have you given me strength to 

Just keep breathing? 

Oh I need you 

God, I need you now. 

Standing on a road I didn't plan 

Wondering how I got to where I am 

I'm trying to hear that still small voice 

I'm trying to hear above the noise 

How many times have you heard me cry out 

"God please take this"? 

How many times have you given me strength to 

Just keep breathing? 

Oh I need you 

God, I need you now. 

Oh I walk, oh I walk through the shadows 

And I, I am so afraid 

Please stay, please stay right beside me 

With every single step I take 

How many times have you heard me cry out? 

And how many times have you given me strength? 

How many times have you heard me cry out 

"God please take this"? 

How many times have you given me strength to 

Just keep breathing? 

Oh I need you 

God, I need you now. 

I need you now 

I need you now

I need you now 

I need you now

O LORD, the God of my salvation, I have cried out by day and in the night before You.

Let my prayer come before You; Incline Your ear to my cry!

~Psalm 88:1-2, New American Standard Bible

~~~

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

~Psalm 34:18, New International Version of the Bible

Pictures, thanks to ~JESUS, the Music of My Soul
Video: http://youtu.be/9ylnx0NA9X4

Saturday's Sayings - Progress in the Healing Journey… - Part Four

Saturday's Sayings

Progress in the Healing Journey…

Part Four

"Grief fills the room up of my absent child, lies in his bed, walks up and down with me, puts on his pretty looks, repeats his words."

~William Shakespeare

~~~

We never really "heal" from Child-Loss Grief and Trauma, but we're always in recovery. We can be in a process of healing, but healing will not completely happen this side of Heaven.

Amidst our Child-Loss Grief and Trauma, when you think about it, we have been assaulted emotionally, physically, and spiritually! We never really "heal" from Child-Loss Grief and Trauma, but we're always in recovery. We can be in a process of healing, but healing will not completely happen this side of Heaven.

~Angie and Tommy

~~~

"The case of a parent losing a child is very special because the most deep-seated protective and nurturant emotions are brutalized. Because this “injury” is so severe to such primitive emotional processes, the grieving parent is likely to feel and express the pain associated with it for the rest of his or her life."

~Dr Joanne Cacciatore

~~~~~

~Death of a Loved one

We begin to learn what to expect from our grief, and allow it to flow, knowing that each time it does, we feel that much closer to our child.

~Angie

~~~

"This rain-weeping and sun-burning twine together to make us grow. Keep your intelligence white-hot and your grief glistening, so your life will stay fresh. Cry easily like a little child."

~Mevlana Jelaluddin Rumi

~~~

"The cycle of grief has its own timetable. Until that cycle is honored and completed we are moving along life's path with an anchor down." 

~Ann Linnea in Deep Water Passage

~~~~~

~Death of a Loved one

You find that you become very independent as you claim your own way of grieving as absolutely no one else knows what is best for your own heart as you do, so you protect yourself by surrounding yourself with those who can be understanding and supportive even while keeping a wide berth from the ones who seem to want to control your grief by telling you how it should be done even though they've never "been" there.

~Angie

~~~

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."

~Henri Nouwen, Out of Solitude

~~~

"She was no longer wrestling with the grief, but could sit down with it as a lasting companion and make it a sharer in her thoughts."

~George Eliot

~~~~~

~I Miss Those Close To Me Who Are Now In Heaven As Beautiful Angels 

We learn to lean on one another, and make "sisters-of-the-heart" when our own sisters cannot understand…

~Angie

~~~

"No bond in closer union knits to human hearts than fellowship in grief."

~Southey in Joan of Arc and Minor Poems

~~~

"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have know defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."

~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

~~~~~

~Journey of the Survivor (From Grief to Survival)

There comes a day that you become comfortable that your child may "be" with you at any given moment of the day, and you gain great comfort in that spirit-to-spirit closeness that comforts much like it did when your child was present, but the closeness is even more immediate and intimate and thus is very satisfying to your heart.

~Angie

~~~

"Unless we remember, we cannot understand."

~E. M. Forster

~~~

"The pain passes but the beauty remains."

~Pierre Auguste Renoir

~~~~~~

~The Social Butterfly

After Child-Loss, we find our love for our child growing deeper and wider.

~Angie

~~~

"I have found the paradox that if I love until I hurt, then there is no more hurt…only love."

~Mother Teresa

~~~

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness but of power…they are messengers of unspeakable love."

~Washington Irving

~~~~~

~Death of a Loved one 

We develop a new perspective about what is really important in life since our child died and we now have one foot fully planted in Heaven while we have the other fully planted on earth. And we know that our child's spirit is only just beyond the Veil, pulling for us and watching over us. We begin to understand some of Christ's meaning, "Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also," and we know that much of our treasure is indeed in Heaven.

~Angie

~~~

"Now he has departed from this strange world a little ahead of me. That means nothing. People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion."

~Albert Einstein

~~~

"Motherhood is a state of both the mind and the heart, a sacred place that is yours no matter the distance between you and your child. Not even Death can take it away."

~Joanne Cacciatore

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"They that love beyond the world cannot be separated by it. Death cannot kill that which never dies."

~William Penn

Picture, "Broken" - thanks to ~Death of a Loved one