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Tuesday's Trust
Don't Mess with a Grieving Mother!
Since your assumptive world has been torpedoed,
Who can you trust?
And what can you trust?
Compassionate Friends has been very good to repeatedly tell us vulnerable Child-Loss grievers,
"Don't let ANYONE 'should' all over you. YOU decide what's best for you at all times."
Coming off the holidays, then the death of my mother, I had been getting all kinds of pressure about what I "should" be doing. And now, we have had another family event, upon which there was going to be a family get-together over that event (with a different part of family than the previous-mentioned events), and bless glory, here come the manipulative guilt-trips again... And this, from a person I generally like pretty much, is a likable person, and is usually a fairly sensitive person, but not this time...
WHAT?! I honestly don't think I could be this clueless with a grieving mother even before I became one.
WHO do these people think they are, and why are my feelings being treated like so much mincemeat for them to just step over before they kick me in the heart?
Why does no one hear my "NO"!? Is it because "It just isn't the answer we wanted to hear, so let's ignore it?"
It seems there's a grandiose judgmentalism out there that others think they know how to run my life better than I do. And over what? A party?! You've got to be kidding me. NOTHING about that is sacred. These people are majoring on the minors, and we can't even get the majors figured out thank you. Leave us alone so we can please try to get the majors figured out. YOU handle your minors if you think they are ALL important.
I have a new scale in my life, and none of the hoopla matters. What matters is what is real.
What gets put through the meat grinder when you lose a child is
"The world is predictable, and I'm in control."
And the rebound effect of that is -
"Things are chaotic, and I am helpless."
My emotions are FULL, thank you. If I have room left over for other family issues, I'll let you know. But don't you DARE presume that things surely are hunky dory by now when I still can't even function, much less have room to fulfill your social obligations you have set up for me.
And that's all they are folks. Social obligations. They are not litmus tests for how much I love, I assure you.
How do we get it through people's heads, our lives have been turned upside down and inside out?
When this same person taunted me that she started to come to my house to sing Christmas carols over the holidays (when we weren't up for coming over to their house for a get-together!) just to get us to come out of the house, wisely my son told them that wouldn't be a good idea...
I assured her he was right, then told her when someone comes over to my house without calling first, I not only go to the door with a loaded gun, I go to the door with that gun loaded AND cocked. Don't mess with my PTSD that can signal DANGER at any turn...
BEST not to MESS with a GRIEVING MOTHER, period!
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