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Thursday's Therapy
25 Major Reactions Socially After Your Child's Traumatic Death
~Therese A. Rando, Ph.D., Complicated Mourning
Part Six
What are Some of the Major Reactions we might Expect After the Traumatic Distress of our Child-Loss?
Over these several weeks, we are walking through many of the myriad ways that Child-Loss grief and mourning may be impacting you. As we have said before, since we are multi-dimensional people, grief and trauma will impact us multi-dimensionally! As you probably have observed by now, grief is not the one-dimensional creature we thought it was before we began going through child-loss. Unfortunately, those around you still think your grief should be one-dimensional and therefore fairly easily worked through. So when the expectations around you begin to feel "crazy-making" to you, perhaps you can pull out these lists to remind yourself why this grief is so complicated and therefore so long-term!
Several Dimensions of our Child-Loss Grief:
- Psychological
- Cognitive/Mental
- Behavioral
- Social
- Physical
- Spiritual
Since each of these Dimensions of our Grief entails myriad symptoms, we are addressing one dimension of Child-Loss Grief each week. Today, we look at the Social Dimension of Child-Loss Grief due to our coping with both Trauma and Loss.
25 Major Social Reactions You May Have After Your Child's Traumatic Death:
The first 15 of these are from Dr. Rando, 2011 (In print).
The last 10 of these reactions are from observations made by Tommy and me as we grieve:
Dr. Therese Rando's 15 Major Social Reactions of Child-Loss Grief
- Lack of interest in other people due to preoccupation with one's beloved child and the loss
- Lack of interest in usual social activities
- Social withdrawal from others, Distancing from others
- Decreased interest for relationships
- Being critical of others
- Manifestations of anger with others
- Loss of or changes in usual patterns of social interaction
- Feeling alienated from others
- Feeling detached from others
- Feeling estranged from others
- Jealousy of others without loss
- Clinginess and Dependency on others in some grievers, (More Independence needed by other grievers)
- Avoidance of being alone in some, (Increased need for Alone time in others)
- Decreased motivation, energy, direction for relationships
- Increased manifestations of irritation with others
- Hypervigilance toward potential threat from other people
- Feeling less understood by others in regard to the depths and demands of child-loss grief, Feeling like an outcast, or like we're walking through a parallel universe to those civilians who live outside our Child-Loss-Grief "War"
- Heightened awareness of toxicity of persons in order to discern which relationships are now safe
- Increased desire for relationships with other child-loss grievers
- Increased fear of hurting others due to our own awareness of how others' insensitivities have hurt us
- Increased or Decreased compassion toward others depending on the unique inclinations of each griever
- Increased desire to hear, read, or learn about the particular grief reactions of other child-loss grievers
- Seeking new relationships from a broader audience than one's family, church or community by searching for like-minded people via the internet or other avenues
- Not comfortable being in large crowds
- Feeling that being around other child-loss grievers is where one can be more real during deep grief: As one child-loss grieving mother said to me,
"When I go to work, that is not reality; when I am around other child-loss grievers, THAT is reality!"
~a fellow grieving mother
~Tommy and Angie Prince
Image from http://www.fotosearch.com/BDX364/bxp125338/
Content excerpts from July 9 and 10, 2010 Lectures by Therese A. Rando, Ph.D. in Chattanooga, Tennessee, Also to be published in 2011
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