Thursday, July 9, 2009

Life in Grief Arena

Life in Grief Arena

My husband “can’t anticipate” me now;
I can’t anticipate me now!
I have more anger than I had before;
I have more agitation than before...

Almost 3 years, we both nose-dived this week;
In ways, I’m getting stronger…others, weak.
We’re loaded down with more than we can bear...

I can’t go out; my heart’s too raw and bare;
If I do, I see triggers everywhere:
It feels…I’ve stepped into the lion’s lair…

"I'm not who I was, don't know who I am,"

My husband said this week.... We’re in a jam:
How are we to fight this Grieving Battle,
For we’re up Grief's Creek without a paddle,
Even missing the kayak or canoe …!

What’s a grieving parent supposed to do?!

My husband wants to kill; I want to scream;
We’re substituting
nightmares for each dream…
Last night, my husband was killing someone
With pitchforks; I was being spat upon
By someone I had thought was my good friend...
Night turns to day, but sleep did us upend.

We barely function; we mostly grieve...
Who'll enter Grief Arena and relieve?

Which would strip you more –

Grief? Or... Lions’ Den?

One leaves you dead –

th’ other . . . you wish you’d been.

Grieving’s the nightmare that will never end …
both—without a Savior…would be the end!

Some say, "God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life." ...Does that plan include excruciating pain and suffering? If so, that sure doesn't FEEL like "a wonderful plan" ...!

If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men.
Colossians 15:19 (The Holy Bible, New International Version)

picture: martyr+tract.jpg

Written 7/9/09 - Life in Grief Arena - Angie Bennett Prince
2 years, 11 months, and 7 days after the death of our 19-year-old daughter, Merry Katherine


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