Saturday's Sayings
Can Death Awaken Us to Living?
The death of a child can make us feel like we are coming to the end of ourselves. It forces us to see how dominant that relationship was in determining our happiness. It removes the foundation we relied upon for our well being. But maybe coming to this 'end' can also open a window to a beginning. The beginning of a new or stronger connection to God/the other side. It could lead to an awakening.
~Marsha Flynn Abbott
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The grief over losing a child never goes away but over time it can transform you. The need, loneliness, concern and love transfers into a love of other people, caring about causes, noticing need. Of course our child never really left. In fact, they're closer than they've ever been, just out of sight.
~Sylvia Browne
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Have you heard people say, "God wouldn't give you more than you could handle."?
That comment bothers me every time I hear it; it feels like it minimizes our great burden of grief and pain we must handle but feel so poorly equipped to do so. God has made it clear in Scripture, there are many things we will not be able to handle, but with His help, we will find the strength we need. I saw the following quote this week that I think is a better, more accurate one:
Sharing from Grief Share…..
God doesn't give us what we can handle… He helps us handle what we're given.
~contributed by grieving mother, KBP
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No matter how many years have gone by, no matter how much you might have grown or transcended, there will be moments (even days) when your emotions are as raw as when the loss first occurred. These grief 'bursts' are completely normal. Don't judge or resist them, simply flow with them. They can be triggered by a special day or an ordinary day . . . by a smell, sound, or memory. Just know this is the nature of grief.
~Transcending Loss (on Facebook)
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HANDLING FRIENDS AND RELATIVES
~from http://www.alivealone.org/alivealone.htm
~recommended by grieving mother, Bonni Rubinstein
Relatives and friends can be very uncomfortable with your grief and therefore, they may try to persuade you to do things for which you aren't ready. They may tell you that you "should" feel better or that you "shouldn't" talk about it. Only you know what is good for you; consequently, you should do only what you find comfortable, even if it means not seeing some people for awhile.
Other people may have set a time table on how long your grief should last. Coping with the death of a child takes years, not weeks or months, and unless you have had a child die, it's impossible to understand. Stick up for yourself; it is difficult when you are not sure of anything. You know how you feel, so don't let anyone tell you how to act, think, or feel.
Tell your relatives and friends what you want them to do. If you want to be remembered at anniversaries and holidays and they are remiss, let them know how it makes you feel. Also, share with them that you want your child to (be) mentioned in conversation. You may cry, but let them know it is normal and they are not the cause of your crying. Let them know it is better for you to cry than for them not to mention your child, which may cause you to grieve silently.
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One of my new Facebook friends, grieving mother Marsha Bell, has the following quotations on her Facebook page ~ most of the quotes are Scriptures ~
Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
~ 2 Corinthians 3-7
Oh Lord, you will ordain peace for us; you have done for us all our works.
~Isaiah 26:12
The righteous perish, and no one ponders it in his heart; devout men are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil; Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death.
~Isaiah 57:1-2
When I awake in heaven I will be fully satisfied, for I will see you face to face.
~Psalm 17:15
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For those losing a baby…
via The Compassionate Friends, USA
We've heard so many comments similar to those expressed in the following poem. . .
TO THOSE WHO LOOK AWAY
To those who look away
when I grow teary-eyed in the baby department,
look a little deeper.
Surely you have some compassion in your heart.
To those who change the subject
when I speak my sons' names,
change your way of thinking.
It just might change your whole life.
To those who roll their eyes
and say that we barely had them at all,
how could we miss them so much,
in our hearts we have seen them live a thousand times.
We have seen their first steps, first day of school,
their weddings, and their children.
We have had them forever in our minds.
To those who say we can have another,
we did. I thank God for her everyday,
but even if I have twenty more babies,
I will forever have two in the grave,
and that is two too many.
To those who say to get on with my life,
I have. It is a different life,
The life of a grieving mother.
One with a tremendous amount to be thankful for,
but also one with a lot to mourn the loss of!
Do not judge the bereaved mother. She comes in many forms.
She is breathing, but she is dying.
She may look young, but inside she has become ancient.
She smiles, but her heart sobs.
She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans, she works, she IS,
but she IS NOT, all at once.
She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.
Do not dismiss us:
we have shaped more than just the future generation.
We have released all the tiny angels who are watching over you.
Open your eyes to US
and you just might see THEM.
~~~ Author Unknown ~~~
By: The Compassionate Friends/USA
~From Our Angels and Angel Family Friends
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Tomorrow I Will Cry Some More
~by grieving mother, Dee Souza Tutka
Dreamed I touched your hair today
I hoped to take some pain away
Upon this brush of silk behind
Lay strands of love to keep in mind.
Then held your earrings in my hand
And beads of crystal on broken strand
Like broken hearts reflecting light
Of stolen dreams into the night.
Read the letters left near the grave
Each photo, candle, flower save
Tokens of love left for you
Treasures of friendships tried and true.
Broken that you left so soon
And now you live beyond the moon
Out of reach and cannot touch
Lives the child I love so much.
One day I wont need these things
Ill be with you where angels sing
So for today Ive cried enough
I gently put away your stuff
Safely tucked inside my drawer
Tomorrow I will cry some more.
I Love You Viviana
October 14, 1991-November 20, 2009
Dee Cavalli-Tutka
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Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps, for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they ought to be.
William Hazlitt (1778 - 1830)
~contributed by grieving mother, A.H.
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Just Because
By Raivenette
Just because I no longer
stand in front of your eyes
doesn't mean you can't see me.
Close them,
I am there.
Just because I no longer
answer when you call my name
doesn't mean you can't hear me.
Speak softly, listen carefully,
there is my voice.
Just because I can no longer
touch your hands
doesn't mean you can't feel me.
Hold on to another,
my arms are there.
Just because I am no longer there
to show you I love you
doesn't mean my love is gone.
Place your hand on your heart,
feel its beat.
I am there.
~contributed by grieving mother, K.C.-H.
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