Tsunami of Grief - When Will the Grief Ever Stop?

Tsunami of Grief - When Will the Grief Ever Stop?

written May 4, 2008 by Angie Bennett Prince, 21 months after Merry Katherine's death

Just as sudden displacements such as earthquakes and landslides produce high energy waves of short duration that can devastate coastal regions, so my child's death has caused a landslide in this mother's heart, soul, and spirit of seismic proportions, spawning tidal waves that come crashing down on me, sometimes at tsunami force, causing near-devastation.  

Once her tumultuous journey as an acting-out teen "experimenting" with drugs hit my life like a boulder being thrown into a once-placid pond, causing ripples and waves of differing proportions, oft-times disconcerting, other times painful, and many times terrorizing.  

But Merry Katherine's Death has been tantamount to causing a virtual earthquake or landslide in the grounds of my heart, provoking seismic waves of tsunami proportions to come coursing down upon my being, effectively wiping out any semblance of life as I once knew it.

Yes, now I am in a period of "recovery," yet still I am devastated.  I am not sure how much "life" is left in the topography of my soul--that remains to be seen.  And I realize that what "life" does survive may cause my life to take on a whole different form. 

Just as Indonesia is still Indonesia after the recent tsunami, its topography changed completely with many aspects of its former "life" being snuffed out--sometimes temporarily, other times completely.  The same concept applies to me, the Grief-struck.  Just as Indonesia is still Indonesia after the tsunami hit, though life there may look very different now, so too "I" am still "I" and yet "I" have changed.  Not "if" I have changed is to be determined, but "how" I have changed remains the unanswered question.  

But body searches are still being conducted in my heart, soul and spirit to see what life has survived and can remain.   It leaves me questioning who I am now, what I am capable of doing with the amount of damage I have sustained, and what does God want to do with all of this ravaged soul?  At times I wonder, can anything be done with such a ravaged soul?  But mostly, I believe that "we are more than conquerors through Him who loves us," yet I have no idea what form my life will take at this point.  

So I ask, "When will my Grief stop?"  

At this point, it looks like I am healing some under God's wing (with lots of quiet and alone time with Him), as God faithfully continues to work in my body, soul and spirit as I open my heart up to Him.  Don't get me wrong; healing is almost a full-time-job, a daily (if not minute-by-minute) process, often painful and grueling, but God meets me there and touches my pain in a way that comforts me deeply; His comfort often leaves me sobbing and praising Him at the same time!  

But the Grief?  I think the Grief remains until I reach the soothing, still waters of Heaven's shores where my Heavenly Father Himself will embrace me and will wipe all tears from my eyes.

35 Who shall ever separate us from Christ's love?  Shall suffering and affliction and tribulation?  Or calamity and distress?  Or persecution or hunger or destitution or peril or sword?  36 Even as it is written, "For Thy sake we are put to death all the day long; we are regarded and counted as sheep for the slaughter."  37 Yet amid all these things we are more than conquerors and gain a surpassing victory through Him Who loved us.  38 For I am persuaded beyond doubt (am sure) that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor things impending and threatening nor things to come, nor powers, 39 Nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  

                                             Romans 8:35-39 (Amplified)  

3 Then I heard a mighty voice from the throne and I perceived its distinct words, saying, "See!  The abode of God is with men, and He will live (encamp, tent) among them; and they shall be His people, and God shall personally be with them and be their God.  

4 God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and death shall be no more, neither shall there be anguish (sorrow and mourning) nor grief nor pain any more, 

for the old conditions and the former order of things have passed away.  

Revelation 21:3-4 (Amplified)