Friday, August 13, 2010

Friday's Faith- My Bond with My Child Continues... Deepens Even

Merry Katherine and me, Thanksgiving, 2005

Friday's Faith

My Bond with My Child Continues... Deepens Even

I dreamed about my baby this morning ~ literally ~ she was once again a tiny baby, so tiny. In my dream, she was even nursing! It was so real and so sweet. All the sweet feelings from those many years ago ~ twenty-three years ago to be exact ~ came flooding back to me in my dream. So nurturing to my grief-torn soul!

Old View: In Grief, you work to break bonds with your deceased child, and move on.

New View: In Grief, you work to develop a new relationship with your deceased child.

In Healing After Loss, Martha Whitmore Hickman who lost her child in a fall from a horse on their family vacation to the Colorado mountains, says this:

(In Grief)

"as we tread the hallowed ground again and again," when we "hit a danger zone" (w)e will be able to feel the spray on our face without a fear of drowning, even to savor the taste of the salt on our lips because, in addition to the poignancy of loss come the rush of love for the one we have lost and perhaps a sense that

"in the mystery of the universe, we still inhabit that universe together and are tied together in a love that cannot come untied."

~Martha Whitmore Hickman

And so, I ask,

What can we anticipate for this life, this life on earth, before we reach Heaven to be forever with our child?

"What is essential does not die but clarifies."

~Thornton Wilder

"We will find our way through this particular 'valley of the shadow,' and while there may always be a tinge of sadness, there will come a sense of our own inner strength and ability to rejoice in the life we have shared, and

"to look forward to a future in which the loved one, though not physically present, continues to bless us."

~Martha Whitmore Hickman


If we question this notion that our child (who knows and loves our Lord), is still alive in spirit and can "be" with us in a new way, just think about our Lord...

He too walked among us on earth in a physical capacity, one in which the forgiven harlot was able to wash His feet with her tears, dry them with her hair, kiss them, then pour her most treasured perfume on His feet to express her deepest love.

He was body; He was here physically; we (as humans during that time) could touch Him, smell Him, walk with Him, talk with Him, be held by Him, eat with Him, pray beside Him, anoint His head with oil, wash His feet with our tears, our kisses, and our perfume, and commune with Him.

Frank Viola, an author who reawakens us to this Jesus as He exposes us to the corruptions that have slipped into our churches today, corruptions which effectively blind us to the dynamic, vital, Living Lord. He shares that

"Luke authored a two-volume work known as Luke-Acts. The first volume, the Gospel of Luke, narrates the story of Jesus in the days of His flesh.... The second volume, the Acts of the Apostles, narrates the story of Jesus now in the Spirit working through (us) His Body."

~Frank Viola

Is it hard then to imagine that our same God who created us "in His image" can allow the same created child we nursed and diapered and fed and raised and taught and held and communicated with that when she died (and yet our Lord said she still lives even though she died!), she could in some way be present to love, to cherish, to still, in some spirit-way, commune with us?

*Jesus said..."I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies." ~John 11:26

We loved her when she was a baby and bonded to a depth no one but a parent would understand, though she could not yet utter a word to us!

Even then, though she was just a little baby, we could see her distinct personality blossoming before us -- unique and distinct from any other child who came before her.

The bond started at some level in utero when I couldn't see my child but could pat her through my own body and talk to her.

She was extremely active even then! She was ever kicking and moving, continually reminding me of her precious presence even as I went through my busy days.

Then the day she was born, and I could see her, brought another dimension to our bond, a deepening of the tender bond ~ instantly!

And on and on through each new development of her life ~ when she could sit up, when she could crawl, when she could walk, when she could talk on and on.

Is it hard then to imagine that when my child transformed from body into pure spirit that our bond continues ~ deepens even?

Our bond seems to deepen because the old sin nature that once alienated is NO LONGER THERE ~ here is our child still our child but with all her sins washed away her sweet spirit purified, released from the torment of sin and its effects, released from any form of deception ~ she is pure ~ she is the whole, sweet Merry Katherine washed clean, free to be who she was truly designed to be, though Mommy still has her finite mind and cannot see clearly.

Now we see but a poor reflection; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

~I Corinthians 13:12

I can still feel her, sense her, even "see" her through my "mind's eye" just as I did this morning as I was talking to Tommy about her, and then I heard her "speak" to me, "Hey Mama!" and tears immediately came to my eyes.

My baby whom I grieve every day is here with me, and even though our communing spirit-to-spirit may be brief due to my finite understanding, it is intimate~the bond is there~the sweetness is there~the connection is real, and it is sweeter than the finest honey to my soul! :)

That is why scripture says,

Grieve~but not as one who has no hope...

~I Thessalonians 4:13*

* I Thessalonians 4:13, as interpreted by the author of Good Grief: A Faith Based Guide to Understanding and Healing,Granger E. Westberg.

{According to, "The late Granger E. Westberg held a joint professorship in medicine and religion at the University of Chicago and a professorship in preventive medicine at the University of Illinois College of Medicine. Considered a pioneer in the interrelationship of religion and medicine, and in holistic health care."}

Healing After Loss ~Martha Whitmore Hickman (2002) Martha also wrote the very inspired book, I Will Not Leave You Desolate (1982).

The Untold Story ~Frank Viola

Picture of Merry Katherine and me ~taken by my brother, Rick Bennett


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