Over Time... ~Our Heart's Still in Shattered Pieces
(N)one of us "choose" to remain in grief. It is not a choice. It might be nice if we could just turn it on and off at a whim but it doesn't work like that. Grief becomes a part of the fiber of our being. We don't want it to be. We hate feeling like we do. It just is and there is nothing, absolutely nothing, we can do to change it.
~Linda Verity Dubous
I don't know where else to post this....when does my heart stop feeling like shattered glass? When am I able to look at the future in more than terms of tomorrow without worry, fear or guilt? When does this hole in my heart stop feeling like it is going to swallow me whole? My Zach has been gone for almost 10 months and I feel weaker now, more scared to think about a future and more tearful (if that's even possible) than I did when he died. Everyone keeps saying we get "stronger" as time passes and what scares me is that I actually feel weaker and more unsure than I ever have in my entire life.
~Grieving Mother, Meliassa Pieper,
- "We all miss our children.....no matter how long or how little they have been gone. We will always miss and remember them. They are a part of us. Love endures.....think how much love they left behind."
- ~Jane Reiss
- Yes! Just think how much love they left behind ~ is it any wonder Scripture says,
- "Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away."
- ~Song of Solomon 8:7a
- And William Penn says it so well,
- "In the end, love is stronger than death.
- They that love beyond the world
- cannot be separated by it.
- Death cannot kill what never dies.
A Mother's Grief
You ask me how I'm feeling,
but do you really want to know?
The moment I try telling you,
You say you have to go.
How can I tell you,
what it's been like for me?
I am haunted, I am broken
By things that you don't see
You ask me how I'm holding up,
but do you really care?
The moment I start to speak my heart,
You start squirming in your chair.
But because I am so lonely,
you see, friends no longer come around,
I will take the words I want to say
And quietly choke them down.
Everyone avoids me now,
I guess they don't know what to say,
They told me "I'll be there for you,"
but then turned and walked away.
Call me if you need me,
(that's what everybody said),
But how can I call you and scream
into the phone,
My God, my child is dead?
No one will let me
say the words I need to say-
Why does a mothers grief
scare everyone away?
I am tired of pretending,
my heart hammers in my chest,
I say things to make you comfortable,
but my soul finds no rest.
How can I tell you things
that are too sad to be told,
of the helplessness of holding a child
who in your arms grows cold?
Maybe you can tell me,
How should one behave,
who's had to follow their childs casket-
watched it perched above a grave?
You cannot imagine
what it was like for me that day-
to place a final kiss upon that box,
and have to turn and walk away.
If you really love me,
and I believe you do,
if you really want to help me,
here is what I need from you.
Sit down beside me,
reach out and take my hand,
Say "My friend, I've come to listen,
I want to understand."
Just hold my hand and listen
that's all you need to do,
And if by chance I shed a tear,
it's alright if you do to.
I swear that I'll remember
till the day I'm very old,
the friend who sat and held my hand
and let me bare my soul.
- ~A Poem by Kelly Cummings
There are days when troubles fall all around.
When dark clouds bring hope crashing to the ground.
The road once easy turns rugged and steep.
Weary, bruised and broken you can only weep.
But during these storms that life will send,
God is with you to the very end.
He heals the broken hearted and bandages their wounds. Psalm 147: 3 Lord, I claim this promise for all those with broken pieces and pain right now. Bandage those wounds that can only be healed by the touch of your hand. Amen.
~Leslie Nelson Martin
Girl at Heaven's Steps Picture, contributed by Angela Nesbitt-Kennett
Dark Clouds Picture, contributed by Debra Tuohy
Poem, thanks to Joanne Bailey Tinkham's contribution - also found at https://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=158904482758 (Thank you to my blog commenter Dawn Wilson for this correction!)