Saturday's Sayings - Healing in Our Own Time...

Saturday's Sayings

Healing in Our Own Time...

Although we know after a loss the acute state of mourning will subside, we also know we remain inconsolable and will never find a substitute. No matter what may fill the gap, even if it is filled completely, it nevertheless remains something else. And actually, this is how it should be. It is the only way of perpetuating that love which we do not want to relinquish 

~Sigmund Freud, who lost his daughter

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INVASION

It was an invasion and goes beyond my heart, mind and body. It stormed into my very Soul and took over without warning. People keep trying to tell me how to deal with it. How to get rid of it. How to get over it. AS IF IT CAN BE CURED.

These are not the regular basic germs that intrude upon your life by creating havoc within your body and immune system. These are much worse. There are no drugs, no antibiotics to fight it. The Battle to take over began without warning. There was no time to prepare. There is no Proven way to escape or illiminate the devastation left behind. I have been damaged and Will Never be the whole. Yet, my outward appearance lends no clue to this fact. My life continues each day despite the War within. 

This invasion is a Stranger, an unwelcome guest... It Is Grief! A Grief I was forced into (by) the death of my Son. A death by suicide. A death chosen by him. No warnings Just the words "your Son is Dead. He killed himself." (by hanging)

I hear so many good intentions of how to "get over it" or "not think about it" If Only they Understood. I do not sit in a darkened room and dwell on my loss. I try so hard not to think about his last moments, what he thought, how he did it, etc. I can Understand how unhealthy those thoughts are. How easily they take over and distract you from life. I understand and try to be so thankful for the ----27 yrs of his life and the memories that go with those years. I Want to move past the Loss and remember his life and his love. I try to focus on my daughter and family who are living. But Despite my best intentions,the invasion is always there. It Erupts when least expected. It battles the positive, and the good and the Healing. It thrusts its ugly being into my thoughts, which momentarily takes my breath away each time. I Challenge the Grief everyday by making it through each day. I attempt to continue and bring My "Life" back. I understand that I have been changed and I accept that fact. I know that the person I Will Become will be better and stronger individual. But This Grief greedily Seeks out my new self and batters at my Very Soul. It wants me...all of me. And I Refuse to Surrender.

by EA Gay

~via Grieving Mothers

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"Wounds do not heal without time and attention.

Yet, too, many of us feel that we don't have the right

to take the time to heal from emotional and physical wounds."

~From Judy Tatelbaum's "Courage to Grieve."

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At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us. 

~Albert Schweitzer

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I Wonder If People

Understand What it is to Miss You

It isn't about accepting that you are gone

I am acutely aware that you are not here

It isn't about moving on

I move forward but you are no further from my ind

It isn't about forgetting you

You are still the first thing I think about in the

morning and the last thing at night

It is about learning to not reach for the phone

I miss sharing my joys and sorrows with you

It is about not feeling your loving arms hug me

I miss the intensity of your love

It is about no longer sitting and talking

I miss hearing about your hopes and dreams

It is about thinking about you every day

I miss you every day---

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