Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Wednesday's Woe "The Fullness of My Emptiness" ~Marsha Bell, grieving mother

Wednesday's Woe

"The Fullness of My Emptiness"

~Marsha Bell, grieving mother

Precious grieving mother Marsha Bell shared her recent poem with me this week and then graciously allowed me to share it to you, my dear readers. May it touch your broken heart as it did mine, as Marsha so poignantly captured the ache in this mother's heart.

Below her poem are my words of thanks to her for sharing her poem:

The Fullness of my Emptiness
by Marsha Bell on Sunday, September 9, 2012 at 8:05am ·

Even now, after three years and for my human forever
hardly a moment passes that isn't pregnant
with wistful or woeful thoughts of my earth departed daughter
a searing pain welling up from the ashes of grief
an impenetrable daunting blackness
as was the dark before the Lord created light
excruciating longing felt with nearly every pulse
the vilest taste that can't be spit out
i run from it though it's shadow is my own
killing nearly every thing i was
burying my unrecognizable remains
wrenching out my will for life
being the void before the first sounds of life
the quiet between tick and tock
the stillness between inhale and exhale
the wait from the question with no answer
enduring nothingness following the last breath
with a deafening wail as death's cry
after the worst words ever heard

~Marsha Bell~

for Marleea Anne Bell Gerfen

O {{{{{{{Marsha}}}}}}} how hard it is to describe that "forever nothingness" that we endure in our breathless state, as our life is "forever" paused, awaiting that next breath... that we won't receive until God breathes that next breath of Life into us on that Day, and yet... our life goes on. 

But somehow you did it, you expressed "the fullness of (our) emptiness," "the stillness between inhale and exhale," "burying my unrecognizable remains," "enduring nothingness following the last breath," "being the void before the first sounds of life," "as was the dark before the Lord created light." ~ 

Thank You! 

You put words on our wordless state. You named the nameless. You described the empty space between nothingess and Life, which threw us into a Twilight Zone which no one else can see, but we feel ~oh so vividly~

May our God throw His arms around you, weep with you, hold you up, and comfort you as only He can. For He, too, knows the death of a Child, the agony of being a Child-Loss Parent, the emptiness of death before Life is restored.

I will be thinking of you and lifting you up in prayer this week as you mourn your precious little one, your Marleea Anne ~Forever 21~  ♥


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