Sunday, July 7, 2013

Friday's Faith / Saturday's Sayings - When Terror Strikes







Friday's Faith /

Saturday's Sayings

When Terror Strikes...











~ Mary's agony over her Son brings the immense sorrow home! ~


When my child is gone, how do I go on living? My heart is pierced, and is ever in a compromised state. 

So when more terror of potential loss threatens, I can hardly function...




~~~~~






No one ever told me grief was so much like fear.

~C.S. Lewis




So much of the time, I feel fear... How am I to do this "new normal" anyway? Nothing seems normal about any of this... I feel I am barely functioning as it is...

And then, when more is added to my plate... something that is potentially life-threatening to yet another person that I love, it very easily becomes too much, and my system hits Tilt. Fear and terror quickly overcome my already compromised state of being.




~~~~~




Maybe terror and dread, once experienced, embed themselves into you even when the cause has gone, leaving behind a sleeping horror, which is too easily awakened. 

~Rosamund Lupton, Sister:A Novel 




~~~~~






"Experience: the most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God, do you learn."

~C. S. Lewis




~~~~~






For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.
~Isaiah 41:13 (New International Version)




~~~~~




I read God's Word; I am comforted by the thought that He will help me. And yet, another "time" comes to mind, a time when I was confident that He would help me, yet... He didn't... or, so it seemed to me at the time, as my child's life was suddenly and violently taken... So unconsciously when I read this Scripture, I think, 

"That Scripture is so nice... so comforting... for other people, but it doesn't apply to me."

I am shocked by my own state of disillusionment that I would think that I am exempt from His love and grace that comes alongside and delivers us from Evil; that is when I realize my trust must be so  damaged from the Loss of my Child. (I know it is my problem, in perception, not His, but still I am troubled that I do not still have the confidence in Him that I once had...) {I weep as I write this.}




~~~~~








I sought the Lord and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears.

~Psalm 34:4 (English Standard Version)





Yes, but I must seek Him everyday, for everyday brings a new set of fears, trials, burdens that I cannot bear alone. And He is the answer to all of them, for He never said I could do this alone, rather He said through the apostle Paul, "I can do all things THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME."




~~~~~




In all our afflictions He is afflicted,
and the angel of His presence saves us;
in His love and pity He redeems;
He lifts us up and carries us all our days.

~Isaiah 63:9



He bears our griefs
and carries our sorrows;
by His wounds we are healed.

~Isaiah 53:4, 5




~~~~~




So, sometimes, when more horror hits, like it is right now, instead of drawing closer to the Lord and feeling close to Him, the horror fills my soul, and I feel dropped. As if He has abandoned me, or how else could this devastating turn of events be happening???




~~~~~





Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you.


~Isaiah 54:10 (New International Version)




~~~~~






The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.


~Psalm 34:18 (English Standard Version)




~~~~~




God simply awaits me to call out to Him, or better yet amidst this horror, to cry out to Him, and He so faithfully draws near, pulls me in close to His heart, and my tears begin to flow... 

Some relief is sure to follow, for I feel His presence and His loving comfort holding me up when I would otherwise be thrown to the ground in despair.

It seems when I finally engage Him in my sense of disillusionment, and my overwhelming fear, as I open up to Him, He comes to me... 




~~~~~






As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted…" 

~Isaiah 66:13


And despite my fears, He is able to comfort me and let me know He is still here for me, even though there is so much I still do not understand. I feel His presence and know I must turn to Him constantly as I am so weak, and so shaken. It is a constant battle when I feel under this "spiritual attack," for lack of better words. Even though I do not understand with my mind, I am thankful that I do feel His presence in my heart, and that comfort is able to overwhelm the terror, at least for a time. 

And tomorrow...? I will undoubtedly need to start this process all over again as I am so fragile and shaken with this terror in the wings...









Graphics/Pictures:

Thanks to, ~Dee Flores of ~Christian Pictures in Pinterest, Graphics #1, #2,
Thanks to ~CS Lewis Quotes (from "A Grief Observed") in Pinterest, Graphic #3
Thanks to my ~Child-Loss Grief and Trauma on pinterest, courtesty of @Pinstamatic (pinstamatic.com), Graphic #4
Thanks to ~meggiel/signs-words-etc on pinterest, Graphic #5
Thanks to ~Dee Flores of ~Christian Pictures in Pinterest for Isaiah 41:13 in Graphic #6, for Psalm 34:4 in Graphic #7, Isaiah 54:10 in Graphic #8, Psalm 34:18 in Graphic #9, and Isaiah 66:13 in Graphic #10.

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2 comments:

Amber Terhune said...

While I don't know what you're going through, I do know this has been a battle for me as well as I struggle through the death of Arianna and this illness with my son. Trusting Him is ridiculously hard and lately I've caught myself lashing out at God for allowing these things to happen. For not intervening. Praying for you and your family. Sorry this is such a hard season for you. Hugs.

Anonymous said...

I have just lost my daughter in a car accident also. I am so desperate and broken.

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