Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Wednesday's Woe - Emotional Dodgeball ~Tommy Prince

Wednesday's Woe

Emotional Dodgeball

~Tommy Prince


Nothing can get in the way of a joyful reunion in running into an old acquaintance as hearing the question, 

"So, how many children do y'all have?" 

"Three," I said.

"I guess they're all grown?"

(Short Answer) "Yes."

(Inside, I'm dying, pleading, Please Don't Ask Anything Else About Our Children!)

I immediately default to, "We have a wonderful grand baby," which then leads her and her husband  into telling how proud they are of their grandchildren. 

Then five, ten minutes later, by not encouraging her to keep talking about her grandchildren, the empty space was again filled with the dreaded question of,

"So how old are your children… they're grown?" 

Angie clued in to my sudden speechlessness and quickly said, "Yes, they're grown now."

Emotionally, I felt I was in the middle of a dodge-ball game, and I kept getting knocked in the stomach with a ball.

So I defaulted again to stories about our grandchild, which opened the door for her and her husband to tell stories about their grandchildren...

The context was that of being in the middle of a waiting room of a doctor's office, and running into this family whom we had not seen for over fifteen years, so it became obvious very quickly from their questions that they had no idea we had lost Merry Katherine. 

Her husband was in bad shape medically so we knew he did not need to hear any bad news, and I was about to find out what kind of shape I was in medically, so I knew I didn't need to get into anything painful either… 

I've experienced that conundrum many times where in sharing about Merry Katherine, it opens me wide up emotionally and I am then extremely vulnerable. 

I knew this was not the time nor the place for that conversation. But it surprised me, almost seven years into having lived with Merry Katherine's death, I felt so blind-sided that I essentially stumbled through that whole interaction as if I were totally unprepared for it. 

So much for "Time Helps"… We were taken back to square one in no time at all.

Graphics, thanks to Google Images


1 comment:

Amber Terhune said...

I always appreciate both yours and Angie's honesty. Being just past five years without Ari, I find that it's my own unrealistic expectations that send me plummeting back down to rock bottom. Expecting I should feel this or that, or have less of a reaction for a situation, or be further into my own grief is what often knocks me flat when those self inflicted expectations aren't met. So, as much as I wish Merry Katherine was still here PHYSICALLY, I can't tell you how much I have appreciated you sharing your walk, your struggles, your pain and your growth with us. I often finish reading your blog feeling not so alone, more understood, and also, it helps me to see my husband's grief through another perspective. So thank you for sharing. Hugs to you and your family.

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