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Wednesday's Woe
Longing...to Do Something for Her...
by Tommy Prince
It's how my system is geared--so many of my waking hours were spent being preoccupied with
- "Has she got everything she needs today?"
- "Does her truck have gas?"
- "Do the tires have air in them?"
- "Does she have a lunch to take with her?"
Even when she was not here, I was thinking the same way... Preoccupied with
- "Does she have something to eat?"
- "Is she safe?"
- "Will she come in tonight?"
- "Is she home yet?"
- "What needs to be done for her today?" (I would ask this for any of my kids, but she is 'Daddy's girl'!)
That radar is in there. The longing for her is still there. And there is still a a longing to do something for her.
Her absence has not diminished my longing to do something for her... (Tears coming...) Till when one day it hit me:
The only thing left to do for her is to be sure her grave marker is kept clean. That's all I can do.
"That's all I can do for you baby girl. It's the only thing left for me to do."
Well, there's one kind favor I'll ask of you
One kind favor I'll ask of you
Oh, there's one kind favor I'll ask of you
See that my grave is kept clean
There's two white horses in a line
Two white horses in a line
Two white horses in a line
Gonna take me to my burying ground
Well, my heart stopped beating
My hands are cold
Well, my heart stopped beating
And my hands are cold
Well, my heart stopped beating
And my hands are cold
I believe just what the Bible told
Did you ever hear a coffin sound?
Did you ever hear a coffin sound?
Did you ever hear a coffin sound?
Then you know that the poor boy's in the ground
Dig my grave with a silver spade
Well, you dig my grave with a silver spade
Dig my grave with a silver spade
Let me down with a golden chain
Have you ever heard the church bell tone?
Did you ever hear a church bell tone?
Did you ever hear a church bell tone?
Then you know that the poor boy's dead and gone
I feel so good
One kind favor I'll ask of you
One kind favor I'll ask of you
It's one kind favor I'll ask of you
Please see that my grave is kept clean
4 comments:
Oh Angie & Tommy... I've had the exact same thoughts often, as I stand in the cemetery each week. I trim & clean the grave site, adding balloons which usually represent a special event without our Kristin. Those tied down near her grave stone today say "Happy Birthday" (They should read, "Missing You~ Sorrowful Birthday)! I want to have a special dinner for her at our dining table, share a hug & some cake. Instead I make another visit to the cemetery doing what I can to take care of my baby girl. I have no doubt this instinct will last a lifetime, as we were created to protect and care for our beautiful children. Too often it feels as if we were not born to endure this child loss grief & pain. Love To You, Danielle
I accidentally erased Pearl's comment to Tommy's blog post in the wee hours of the morning yesterday, and Pearl in her two-month-ago loss of her daughter cannot remember what she said so that I could repeat it exactly. But her story touched Tommy and me deeply, so we wanted to share the gist of it with you.
Pearl said that she and her husband go every day to the grave site of their daughter Rhonda, and they even set up lawn chairs there. They planted grass and tenderly maintain their child's grave-marker; she says Rhonda has the best grass of any of the sites at the cemetery! Her precious husband cries almost constantly. They had continual hands-on care of their disabled child, and so I am sure it is a shock now to not have her here with them...
Tonight Pearl shared this with me on Facebook:
Pearl June 5 at 6:23pm
"Thank you for your response. I have been trying to read some of your blogs on grief, and they are all so touching. I appreciate your sweet words about my daughter!!
I don't remember what I could have said on that post, but I do remember telling my husband about B.B. King's song----Please Keep my grave site clean.( or something like that) He said he wanted to hear it and he likes B.B. and the Blues music. I thought it was fitting since we go over everyday to keep hers clean. Today, my husband took a sm. push mower and clippers for me to trim around the stone. It is only about 5 miles from us, and is so quiet & peaceful.
Today marks the 2 month anniversary since our daughter's death. It seems much longer. Our lives were so intertwined since she
depended on us for everything esp. these last couple of years. I
loved taking care of her and my husband was so good to help me.
We had walkie-talkies to contact each other when I needed him.
God also was with me all the time to give me whatever I needed.
Pearl June 5 at 6:33pm
I am messing up on here and don't really know what I'm doing. ha.
So, I'll just close with this:
God in the Holy Spirit does comfort and lift our spirits with the sure HOPE that we KNOW we will one day join our precious daughters in heaven and that in the meantime He will use us to fullfill His special purpose for us while here.
You and your husband are being used by God to comfort and help so many grieving parents!!!!! Thank you so much!
Peace and Love to you both!! ♥
pearl
Thank you dear Pearl for sharing your heart and your story with us. Our prayers are with you as you grieve your precious Rhonda. I will close with an excerpt your daughter wrote on behalf of Rhonda to you that is so very sweet and puts so much in perspective for us as we grieve our children in the Lord...
"I've loved you both also with all of my heart;
we will never be truly or forever apart...
"I'll always be with you as you'll be with me,
until we meet again in our Heavenly eternity."
Words so true, and so sweet to her parents' ears and hearts I know!
May God hold you so close in your tremendous loss and grief,
Angie and Tommy
Ahh! I found Pearl's comment!
June 3, 2010 5:57 am
From Pearl:
I know what you're talking about. Some people are so insensitive to your loss and wonder why you can't just snap out of it already. It has only been less than two months since our daughter died, and some seem to think we should be "over it" by now. Wrong....
Although we had some time to prepare for her death, unlike you (I can only imagine the pain you have been going thru)
Tears wellin up...
Your Merry Katherine was so beautiful, energetic, full of life, vibrant, and cheerful
and I'm sure the hurt of losing such a wonderful daughter never ends.
Our child had been sick for awhile; and we knew she was going to die soon, but it still is such a loss and void in your life.
My husband has taken her death a lot harder than I have. He weeps at just the thought of her.
We go out to her grave EVERY day and take our lawn chairs. We are trying to keep her grave site "clean" as that song you played from B.B. King says. ;o)
We water her plants, and the new sod that we placed, mow and clip the grass around her stone; make sure there is no leaves, dirt, etc. on it. She has the greenest grass in the whole cemetery. ha
There are days when we just unlock our gate for an hour or two and dare anyone to try to come in.ha
Well, just know that I read your blogs, can relate to how you must feel, and appreciate your honesty and compassion in posting your heartfelt grieving process for those of us who need some encouragement also.
Prayers & love for you both,
pearl (another grieving parent)
Dearest Danielle,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your experiences at the cemetery over these days, weeks, months, and years, and these days surrounding Kristin's birthday.
Regarding your comment,
"I want to have a special dinner for her at our dining table, share a hug & some cake. Instead I make another visit to the cemetery doing what I can to take care of my baby girl. I have no doubt this instinct will last a lifetime, as we were created to protect and care for our beautiful children."
I think you are probably so right...our instinct to take care of our precious children will last a lifetime... May God be with us all and hold us close to His heart as we grieve before Him.
My heart has been so heavy this weekend thinking of you and your longing for your precious baby girl, especially on her birthday. As you often say to me, "I wish I could take your pain away!" And yet, since our grief and pain connects us to our children, better yet, we can share our pain with one another and grieve together, lifting just a corner of the load for one another! Thank you so much for your tender friendship and for your ever-constant listening ear!
Much love to you,
Angie
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