Saturday's Sayings - Yes, I'm Still Grieving...

Saturday's Sayings

Yes, I'm Still Grieving...

How to help those who are grieving, whether it was months ago, a year ago or years ago.

Grief has no clear beginning or end. It is a journey that will ebb and flow for the rest of our lives. We never get over the death of someone we love. We somehow find a way to live with it. It is important to let the bereaved know that they are allowed to grieve for as long as needed. Till that time comes. Where they are able to remember the one that has died, without feeling pain.

“Sympathy is two hearts tugging at one load.”

TRY NOT TO…

Just as there is no right or wrong way to grieve there is no right or wrong way to support. There are however some things which should be avoided in saying, as these can be hurtful and minimize their loss.

Try not to say you know how they feel. No two griefs will be the same and each grief is as unique as the relationship they shared with the person they have lost.

Don’t tell them they have to be strong. It is in the depths of grief that we are at our most vulnerable.

Don’t tell them they need to get on with life. Life as they knew it is not the same and they will need to learn how to live their life without the person who has died. This takes time.

Don’t say they had a good life, they are at peace now or you are lucky to have had them for so long. No one feels lucky to lose someone they love.

Don’t say it is God's way, the natural order of things or nature’s way. Logical explanations are cold comfort when you are grieving.

It is not comforting to remind the bereaved that at least they had a chance to say goodbye to the deceased. We never want to say goodbye to those we love.

Be mindful when telling the bereaved they are coping well. They may appear to be coping but it does not mean they have stopped hurting and are done grieving.

Do not compare their grief to others or make suggestions that someone else’s loss was greater. This will only make the bereaved feel their loss is not a significant one and that they do not have the right to grieve.

Don’t tell them they are grieving the wrong way or make suggestions about how they should be dealing with their grief.

Just be there, with a hug, a comforting hand or an open ear. Invite them over often even if they say no. Invite them on special occasions where their loss is so completely overwhelming. Birthdays, Anniversaries, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Christmas, etc.

“Sometimes there are no perfect words. Only thoughtful silences that whisper softly of caring.”

Pass this along to someone who is grieving, or to guide someone whose friend/family member is grieving. Remember the stronger the relationship, the harder the grief is. If there are multiple losses in a short period of time, the more painful the grief. Most importantly don’t expect them to “be the same” as they were before the loss, they will never be the same. 

~ Donna Weber

~via Death of a Loved One: Quotes, Poems, and Resources

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Since my Grief journey, I have noticed...

The ones who know the least have the most to say!

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He Gathers Every Teardrop

Regardless of the circumstance,

Regardless of the (fear),

Regardless of the pain we bear,

Regardless of the tear,

Our God is ever in control,

Performing as He should,

And He has promised in His Word

To work things for our good.

But as a loving Father would,

He sometimes lets us cry

To cleanse the hurt out of our heart,

To wash it from our eye.

Yet gently He gathers the tears

Within His hands to stay

Until He turns them into pearls

And gives them back someday.

~Glenda Fulton Davis

~via Angels on Loan

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Feathers for Muma

Hello baby, can you hear me?

I so want to talk to you,

I'm walking under my favourite tree,

Baby, give me a sign, if you do.

A little white feather just floated by,

It must be a sign from you,

Oh baby, I think I'm going to cry,

Baby boy, you heard me, it's true.

I'm holding my feather, my sweet,

My baby, my treasure, my own,

To know you hear me, is a treat,

It stops me from feeling alone.

I walk in my place full of peace,

I can talk to you now in my head,

It gives me such a release,

To deal with the fact you are dead.

Dead, such a hard word to say,

Asleep is a much nicer word,

I think of you now in this way,

No better word, have I heard.

My folks say, "Why are you crying?"

"It happened two months ago now."

Well folks, I'm so sorry, I'm trying,

But my heart is broken, and how.

So baby, under these trees I walk,

Here no-one can hear my pain,

And baby I am free just to talk,

And feel close to you again.

I treasure the feathers you send me,

Plucked from your wings, so far above,

And drifting right down through the trees,

To remind me, of your sweet love.

I guess, I should go home soon,

My heart is now full of peace,

Tonight when I look at the moon,

I'll smile, blow a kiss, feel released.

My pain, I know it will fade one day,

And I'll be able to laugh once more,

And that feather, in my jewel box will stay,

To hold when my heart's feeling sore.

I thank God above, that He gave me,

A child for a while, just to hold,

And know that one day I will be,

Walking with you on streets of gold.

~via Angels on Loan

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~via Angels on Loan

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The Mention Of My Child's Name


The mention of my child's name

... may bring tears to my eyes,

but it never fails to bring music to my ears.

If you are really my friend,

let me hear the beautiful music of her name.

It soothes my broken heart

And sings to my soul.

~Author Unknown

~thanks to Grieving Mother, Leslie Nelson Martin

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Letter to Heaven

I write to you, in heaven
I'm not sure where I should start
The tear stained words I send to you
are from my broken heart

You taught the world true kindness
and you were always there for me
you taught the world happiness
and that laughter was the key

My letter is far too short
I'm struggling, thats the truth
the world it seems so painful
and empty without you

I call upon your loved ones
and each person signs their name
for these many tearful people
the world won't feel the same

We seal the letter with a kiss
and send it on its way
then out of the blue, We hear your voice
here are the words you want to say

(PAUSE FOR A SECOND)

My loved ones, I have heard you
before your pen began to write
my soul is with you every day
and through the dark of night

Although I am in heaven
It doesn't mean that I am gone
Take a look around and see
my spirit still lives on

When the stars shine at night
my heart is what you see
and when you dream, gentle dreams
your heart is here with me

Don't worry if your heart feels hurt
with my help, the pain will ease
don't worry if you need to cry
i'll help to dry your tears

Please celebrate the life we shared
to your memories, I belong
and talk about the good times
it makes my soul burn strong

If for now you don't believe
I'll still keep you safe from harm
until the day we meet again
and I take you in my arms

Rachel Loveday April 2010

Pictures, quotes, and poems, thanks to "Treasured Sisters," "Angels on Loan," "Grieving Mothers," and "Death of a Loved One."
Thank you to all grieving parents' for your contributions, as your writings help to comfort our grief!