Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Wednesday's Woe - No Grief Relief or The "Five Stages" of Secondary Trauma or How NOT to Comfort a Grieving Mother

Wednesday's Woe

No Grief Relief


The "Five Stages" of Secondary Trauma


How NOT to Comfort a Grieving Mother

Hamstrung by grief,
We grasp for relief...
Some folks around
Run aground;
They cannot help
What they can't see...
Invisible grief.

They live in denial
Leaving us in a pile...

It makes us mad
But leaves us sad.
They disregard
What is too hard

(They can't see* me...
It hurts you see!)
with attitudes of a seeming complicity:

"We've plans of course!
Don't shoot a dead horse!"


Implying a similar trivializing ilk:
"Stop crying over spilled milk!"


"Stick around to watch us fuss,
'Don't use God to lord over us!'"


"Want comfort? Come here!
As we've no time to dry a tear!")

It makes them too sad
Which leaves them mad.

We don't want to beg,
We, the thrown away dreg…

We bear the cross
For our child-loss.
It's ours alone,
Ours to atone.

God comes alongside...
For our child died!
He can see*;
He answers our plea.
God's Child died too;
He will comfort you.

Death tears us apart...
He heals shattered hearts**.

If all others fail to come alongside,
The LORD our God will always provide.

"It's a Rocky Road!

"These are the five stages of Kubler-Robbins
Have some ice cream."

~Amy Marash

They lend no pittance ~
We come to acceptance...

And a thankfulness, that in God's economy,
He's not ignorant of such complicity;
He turns on its head their dissimulation when He said,
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted"!***


So she called the name of the LORD who spoke to 

her, "You are 'God who sees,' because I have truly 

seen the One who looks after me."

Genesis 16:13 ISV

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. 

~Psalms 34-18

The High and Lofty One lives forever, and His name is holy. This is what He says: I live in a high and holy place. But I am with those who are crushed and humble. I will renew the spirit of those who are humble and the courage of those who are crushed.

~Isaiah 57:15 GWT


"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."

Matthew 5:4 NASB

Thanks so much to cancer survivor, Amy Marash from her blog "Cancer Is So Funny," for the graphics from her clever art work, created by her to help her cope!*


*The National Cancer Institute says,

Cancer Survivors Discover the Power of Blogging

Ann Silberman was diagnosed with cancer in August 2009. Two weeks later, she started writing Breast Cancer? But Doctor...I Hate Pink Exit Disclaimer, a blog that puts a lighter spin on her struggle with breast cancer.
A cartoon by cancer blogger Amy MarashAmy Marash uploads cartoons to her blog, Cancer Is So Funny, to share information with other cancer patients.
“I am able to take myself out of treatment and uncomfortable situations by thinking about how I’m going to write about it, or by looking for the humor in a situation for my readers,” Silberman said. “By being able to write about cancer for other people, I find that I am able to focus on the positives rather than the negatives, because that is what I want my readers to do.”

Nancy Morgan, director of the Arts and Humanities Program at the Lombardi Comprehensive Cancer Center at Georgetown University, affirmed the power of blogging for patients.

"“The people I encounter at Lombardi who blog about their cancer are very much empowered by their ability to articulate thoughts and feelings about cancer and to link with others,” Morgan said. “One person’s courage to write inspires another to express their feelings. The relief that comes from self expression is palpable.”

In a study published in The Oncologist in 2008, Morgan and her colleagues found that patients reported feeling better after completing an expressive writing exercise.

“Post surveys and subsequent interviews identified a significant correlation between those who felt the writing changed the way they thought about cancer and improved physical quality of life,” Morgan said.

Amy Marash was referred to Morgan after telling her onocologist she wanted to draw cartoons to share information with other cancer patients. Morgan gave her a sketchbook, and Marash began drawing the cartoons with ballpoint pens, adding color with markers, and then uploading her work to her blog, Cancer Is So Funny Exit Disclaimer, after perfecting the sketches in Photoshop...

Each of the women has developed a community with her readers. “There are times the disease or treatment gets me down,” Maluta said. “I blog about how I’m feeling and/or what I am experiencing, and before you know it, someone is sending me an encouraging comment or e-mail. These few words of encouragement really lift my spirits. To be honest, I don’t know where I’d be without my blogging family.”

See for full article.


Thank you for the Shattered Hearts graphic goes to
~Anntoinette McFadden ~Book of Psalms ~Pinterest

Bible Translations Used:

GSW = GOD'S WORD® Translation


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