Every Angel Parent can face the ultimate tragedy and survive. It's the day-to-day living, after the fact, that will bring you to your knees.
~Barbara Karrer, Grieving Mothers
We know holidays are bad, simply bad. Tommy and I laughed tonight as we pondered the thought of "moving our anniversary" date to another month since our wedding anniversary falls just nine days after Merry Katherine's birth date, but we couldn't find a month in the whole year that didn't have something in it that makes the month hard for us to survive! But you can imagine how "cooked" we are after her birthday; there is no way we feel like "celebrating" just days later! So, yes, all holidays are bad:
Christmas. New Years. Son's Birthday. Tommy's Birthday. Valentines Day. Merry Katherine's Birthday. Son and Daughter-in-law's Anniversary. Daughter-in-law's Birthday. Son's Birthday. Mother's Day. Father's Day. July 4th. Death Day. Ellie's Birthday. My Birthday. Halloween. Thanksgiving. Christmas. Wow! A lot of days that are extra-sad!
But it hit me tonight that Mother's Day (and Father's Day as well) is universally bad among bereaved parents. A day that has been so special with special family (complete-family) memories now becomes sad because one of our precious children is not here to celebrate. What are family holidays for if one of the "family" can never be with us to "celebrate"?
The absence of her presence looms large through the room, and we just can't do it!
At least not yet we can't.
Part of the pain is --- she is not here. The other part, possibly equally painful, is that we love our sons, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter dearly, and we so hate that our limitations make us so "abby-normal" that we simply cannot meet on that day. So add to our pain and grief the disheartening realization that we are likely disappointing the others in our family whom we love equally!
Well, "That's just what be's!" my sons tease me. It is what it is. They graciously take us where we are, always knowing we can "celebrate" on another day. We are blessed to have two tender sons who love us in spite of ourselves.
TeriAnn is so right in her graphic when she says,
"A mother's grief and mourning knows NO end,
her love--- NO boundaries."
So, what do you do when the Grief-and-Mourning and Love compete against one another on this special day?
These therapists are stumped!
P.S., Just stumbled upon Tanya Lord's suggestions for holidays that grace-fully address our broken hearts' situation:
"Allow traditions to change to accommodate the missing space."
"Allow me to say no to invitations."
"Remember that much of what I do is a reflection of my grief not my feelings about the holiday or my friends and families. Though I am hurting I still love and care."
~Sweet blessings to all your grieving hearts~
Top graphic - Thank you to
Barbara Karrer of Grieving Mothers Muzy
Other graphics, thanks to
TeriAnn Sargent, Grieving Mother,
Tanya Lord of The Grief Toolbox,
both, found on Facebook's