I have lived in the shadow of loss — the kind of loss that can paralyze a life, forever.
I have grieved like a professional mourner — with every waking moment, draining every ounce of life-force.
I have died — without leaving my body. I came back —
It is frequently said that the grief of a Grieving Mother is the most intense grief known. When a child dies, parents feel that a part of them has died, that a vital and core part of them has been ripped away. The grief caused by their child's death is not only painful but profoundly disorienting.....children are not supposed to die. These parents are forced to confront an extremely painful and stressful paradox; they are faced with a situation in which they must deal both with the grief caused by their child's death and with their inherent need to continue to live their own lives as fully as possible. Thus, Grieving parents must deal with the contradictory burden of wanting to be free of this overwhelming pain and yet needing it as a reminder of the child who died. Grieving parents continue to be parents of the child who died. They will always feel the empty place in their hearts caused by the child's death; they were, and always will be, the loving father and mother of that child. Yet, these parents have to accept that they will never be able to live their lives with or share their love openly with the child. So they must find ways to hold on to the memories. Many bereaved parents come to learn that
"memories are the precious gifts of the heart...[that they need] these memories and whispers, to help create a sense of inner peace, a closeness."
This heartache this sadness, this feeling of pain
To think I'll never hear your voice, or see your face again
The loneliness without you, is beyond belief
I can't come to terms with, this feeling called grief
It's so hard to describe just how I feel
Without you beside me, time has only stood still
I sit for hours in your favourite chair
Talk to your photo, wishing you were there
I touch your clothes and start to weep
I hug your pillow and try to sleep
Life must go on, I suppose it's true
But a day doesn't pass without thinking of you
To treasure your memory, I must carry on
But nothing else matters, now that you've gone
~by Grieving Mother J.W., in memory of MPW
forever gone away from me
is his beautiful face
that is the light
in my darkest of days
forever gone away from me
is the music of his gentle voice
the mystery in his mesmerizing
forever gone away from me
are my grandbabies
that would have been
that should have been
my son is dead
his body lies in a casket
buried under a cold
I visit his headstone
in a cemetery’s consecrated ground
I speak to the air I breathe
and I hope
and oh God how I pray
his spirit can hear what I have to say
my soul cries out for him
every moment of every day
my spirit is defeated
for this anguish will never
not for as long as I breathe
my son is dead
my heart is broken
shredded and torn
no matter who is left
or who may be born
as you look at me
into my eyes
pause for a minute…
before your expression
turns to pity
and the words
flow out of your mouth
stop for just a moment
and please ask yourself
would I be willing
to trade my child for hers
because he is in a better place?
Grief hits people in different ways,
there is no wrong or right way to grieve,
I will talk about my child over and over,
some times are sad, some times are happy,
a part of me died when my child grew wings,
please don't judge me,
please don't stare,
please think before you speak
because your words can hurt me more than you realize...
~Grieving mother, J.W.
It seems as if we are stalled by our grief,
unable to move away from it – and I wonder
if we will ever get over the loss of you. In time
they say we will, that one day we will finally be free
of the sadness that burdens our hearts, and we will dance
in our remembrance, and there will be no more tears.
But if that's true, I must admit I will miss the tears
when there is an eventual easing of the grief.
I am not as eager to begin the dance
of life without you, for the world has lost its wonder
for me, some of its shine - and being free
seems awfully relative - I suppose just like time.
I can still so clearly recall the last time
we were all together - the tears
we shared, even laughter, when you were set free
of this earthly pain - and even in our grief,
we were filled with such wonder
as we witnessed the end of life's dance.
When I was a little boy you used to let me dance
on the top of your shoes, moving in time
to the music on the radio. Is it any wonder
that music, to this day, brings tears
of joy, mingled with the ever-present grief,
which still has not set me completely free.
I now realize there is a cost to love; it's not free -
for when you love, you buy a ticket to the dance
of life - which comes with joy and pain, celebration and grief.
And if you have lived a long enough time,
as I have, even when the loss brings never ending tears,
with a broken heart, it's worth all of the pain, and it's no wonder
people love so fiercely - so much so that they cease to wonder
about the why, when or where - and now I realize that I am free
to love, and to lose, which will bring with it many tears.
But each tear is worth it - and seems to make the dance
more authentic. In the end, I will measure my time
by how much of it was filled with love, and with grief.
No longer will I wonder whether or not I should dance,
I will just be free, stepping in and out of time,
wearing my tears like a badge of honor as I move beyond the grief.
~by Grieving Mother Jill Compton, used with her gracious permission
A heart breaking isn't always as loud as a bomb exploding...
Sometimes it can be as quiet as a feather falling...
And the most painful thing is, no one really hears it, except you. ♥
~Grieving Mother, J.W.
I do not need to stay busy,
I need to talk about my child.
I need to talk about the good times, and the bad.
I need to remember, and not to forget. I cannot forget.
I need to cry, I do not need to stay strong.
I need to have you listen, and not to change the subject.
I need you to support me, not to say that you understand..
I know you can not understand, unless you have lost a child.
I need you to help me with things in life that are simple tasks.
Cleaning, cooking, errands, babysitting.
I just need you to be there for me.
I just need to talk about my child.
Sorrow breaks seasons and reposing hours,
Makes the night morning, and the noontide night.
~William Shakespeare (contributed by Grieving Mother, D.P.)
I was thinking today about grief and child-loss and it occurred to me that losing a child can happen as fast as turning off a light switch. Here we are going on with our daily lives living day by day. Some happy days, some not so happy days but all the time thinking our lives will always be this way. Then as quick as turning off a light switch, in the blink of an eye our lives are forever changed. That is how fast our lives changed when we lose our child. And also like turning off a light switch we are thrust into darkness, not being able to see any light, not knowing where we are going. We are fumbling around in the dark. Trying to find some light again but not knowing if we ever will. In a second, in a heartbeat as fast as turning off a light switch that is how our lives are forever changed. That is why people who have not experience(d) child-loss have a hard time imaging how fast our lives forever changed. They just do not understand how many emotions we all go through. I guess it would be too hard for them to understand. Their lives are just moving along and forward as it always had. Some happy days some sad days, but as fast as it takes to turn off a light switch that is how fast bereaved parents lives have forever changed.
My greatest wish and hope as bereaved parents and grandparents is that someday we will be able to find a little light back into our lives. No the light will never burn as bright as it did when our children still walked this earth, but maybe someday we will be able to see our way out of the darkness and turn the light switch on once again.........
~by Grieving Mother, L.L.
When it seems that our sorrow is too great to be borne, let us think of the great family of the heavy-hearted into which our grief has given us entrance. And inevitably, we will feel about us their arms, their sympathy and their understanding.
Good nite to everyone - Those we love don't go away
┊ ┊ ♥ They walk beside us every day,
┊ ♥ Unseen, unheard, but always near,
♥ Still loved, still missed and very dear.
......┊ ┊ Good nite beautiful Angels Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ