Friday, December 16, 2011

Saturday's Sayings - The Grief that Stole Christmas

Saturday's Sayings

The Grief that Stole Christmas

Merry Christmas Mom

The Holidays are upon us and we feel sadness and fear

Our child is no longer with us and we just want them near.

We remember joy and cheer from all the years past

And how each Christmas Day we always had a blast.

The time leading up to this spectacular day

Should be filled with joy and lots of child play.

As we hang the ornaments on the tree

A special one is placed at the top by me.

As tears roll from my eyes, missing you with all my heart

I suddenly feel peace and know we are not apart.

Your spirit is with me even though you’re not here

Smiling upon the family that you loved so dear.

You sent me a message in a dream last night

To remember your life and your smile so bright.

Remembering to live life as I always did

Loving and giving and being a kid.

Be joyous during this Christmas season

Always remembering, there is a reason.

Keep me close in your heart today and everyday

Always knowing that I love you in each and every way.

Live your life to the fullest with each moment you are given

For you don’t know what is next on the roads that are driven.

Enjoy the Holiday’s with bliss and cheer

Embrace our Family and know I am near.

Take the family pictures as you always do

I am smiling and goofing off as I think of you.

I know you won’t forget me as long as you (are) breathing

So live you(r) life my dear Mom and stop all that grieving.

If I could take away all of your pain

I would in a moment so you wouldn’t feel insane.

I am happy Mom, it’s great up here

I look forward to seeing you when your time draws near.

I will meet you with the biggest hug of all

And you will then know why I didn’t have time to call.

I thought I would throw that in and hope to see you smile

I remember when you missed my calls when it had been awhile.

I love you Mama, always have and always will

You were always there for me even when I was being a pill.

I know each tear you shed and the pain within your heart

But please always remember, we’re really not apart.

I know it doesn’t seem sometimes that I am close and near

But I am holding you Mom, catching your every tear.

Please enjoy your Christmas day with the family who love so much

Just be careful because I might spike the punch.

Know I love you and watch for signs that I am there

And as always we lift our Moms up in prayer.

Enjoy the season and the day

I’ll be taking a ride in Santa's Sleigh

Merry Christmas Mom

~Written by Shirley Tripp-Johnson

(Please do not remove the name of the author, by Shirley Tripp-Johnson.)

"I will be lighting a candle in memory of my son Tripp who was killed when a school bus pulled across traffic striking his car. He died instantly. I love and miss you my sweet Tripp. 10/82 - 02/10 ...Forever in my heart."


“Jesus does his best work at such moments. Just when the truth about life sinks in, his truth starts to surface. He takes us by the hand and dares us not to sweep the facts under the rug but to confront them with Him at our side.”

~Max Lucado


Prayer After the Death of a Child

My life is upside down, loving God. The order of the world is out of place and I can’t do anything to right it again. Oh, Lord, you know the pain in my heart at all times and you know why: my child has died. How can it be that my beloved child is gone? The child I cared for with such concern in every illness, the one I held close to my heart and promised to take care of for a lifetime, is not here for me to care for anymore. It hurts deeply that I wasn’t able to protect this child I love with my whole being from a death that seems so unfair.

Let me feel calm. Let me breathe deeply. Be with me in this kind of deep and transformative pain. I now carry this darkness with me on my back and in my heart, always. It is my burden and my companion.

Lord, there is not a single minute of my life when this loss is not etched so keenly into my brain and heart, whether it is in the middle of a busy day or in those choking moments of grief in the solitary dark of night. Let me be grateful for every minute we had together. Let me treasure those memories and find joy in them.

Help me to deal with people better. They don’t know what to say. They stumble and look away when they see me. They pretend nothing has happened. I know they “don’t want to remind me” but they don’t understand it is with me always, always.

Teach me, Lord. Tell me what you want me to do with this. What am I supposed to learn from this kind of pain? What are you calling me to do?

Open my battered heart and lead me to comfort and peace. Only you can give me the peace I need. Let me feel your presence in my life.

~Grieving Mothers




Go ahead and mention my child
The one that died, you know
Don't worry about hurting me further
The depth of my pain doesn't show.
Don't worry about making me cry I'm already crying inside
Help me to heal by releasing

The tears that I try to hide.
I'm hurt when you just keep silent
Pretending it doesn't exist
I'd rather you'd mention my child Knowing that

She has been missed.
You asked me how I'm doing I say "Pretty good" or "fine"
But healing is something on-going

I feel it will take a lifetime.

~By Elizabeth Dent

thanks to grieving mother, LL


Twelve Tips For Getting Through the Holidays After Loss:

  1. The main thing to remember is just like everyone grieves differently, how you feel about the holidays will also be as individual as you are. They might not even BE difficult for you. Sometimes ordinary days are hardest, not holidays.
  2. Perhaps most importantly, acknowledge that the upcoming days or weeks might be really hard. Stating that out loud, even to just yourself, validates it somehow making it more OK to accept your own feelings.
  3. Decide what you want to do this year. Do you want to continue traditions or do you want to begin new ones? Or perhaps a combo?
  4. Do something specific for your loved one. Some people like to light a candle, display a particular ornament in a special place each year, make a donation in their loved one’s name or volunteer someplace the loved one would have chosen or cared about.
  5. Talk about your loved one by sharing memories and stories about them, even if it makes others uncomfortable. Remembering honors them and keeps them with you in a very real sense.
  6. Set realistic expectations for yourself. If you don’t feel like doing cards, don’t. If you don’t feel like baking, don’t. If your house isn’t the cleanest, so what?
  7. Take care of yourself by getting enough sleep and eating properly. Remember grieving is taxing physically, emotionally and spiritually. It’s just plain hard work and it really does tire you out.
  8. Try to exercise every day. The benefits are pretty obvious, but worth saying anyway. Exercise relieves stress, helps deter depression and improves your self-esteem.
  9. I’ll borrow a quote from a friend’s recent blog post if I may, (which came from Oprah originally) “Surround yourself with only the people who are going to lift you up.” No need to say more.
  10. If you need help, ask for it. If you can’t manage with daily chores, shopping or whatever it might be, it’s alright to ask someone to help you.
  11. There is now an actual clinical term called “complicated grief.” Kind of a silly name in my opinion, because all grief is complicated. Simply put, it means there is no diminishing of your grief with time. You can’t stop mourning or begin to move on. If you are experiencing this, you probably need professional help. Ask for it. You can find more information on this topic at Mayo Clinic’s website.
  12. Remember most people eventually enjoy the holidays again. Hang on to that hope. You will get there. Also, experiencing a few nostalgic or sad moments is not necessarily a bad thing; it’s part of life after loss.

This list is in no way complete, but thinking about these suggestions may perhaps be helpful to some. I hope so. I’m curious about what has been helpful for others, so I hope you’ll consider sharing a comment or suggestion.

What do you do during the holidays, or any day, to remember loved ones no longer with you? What are your suggestions for helping the bereaved get through the holiday season?

~Grieving Mothers


Recognize and embrace your unique suffering and … trust that your way to salvation lies therein. Taking up your cross means, first of all, befriending your wounds and letting them reveal to you your own truth.



Last night while I was trying to sleep,

My Child’s voice I did hear.

I opened my eyes and Looked around,

But she did not appear.

She said,

“Ma Ma, you gotta’ listen

You’ve got to understand.

God did not take me from you mama,

He only took my hand.”

"When I called out to you in pain that day,

The instant that I died.

He reached down and took my hand

And pulled me to his side.

"He pulled me up and saved me

From the misery and pain

My body hurt so badly inside

I could never be the same.

"My search is over now,

I’ve found happiness within,

All the answers to my empty dreams

And all that might have been.

"I love you all & miss you so,

And I’ll always be nearby~

My body’s gone forever,

But my spirit will never die!

"And so you must go on now,

Live one day at a time,

Just understand,

God did not take me from you,

He only took my hand…."

~Author Unknown

thanks to grieving mother, C.H.

Picture, thanks to grieving mother, Jill Compton
Thank you to the writings of other grieving mothers


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