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You can feel the whole world and still feel lost in it. So many people are in pain— no matter how smart or accomplished—they cry, they yearn, they hurt. But instead of looking down on things, they look up, which is where I should have been looking, too. Because when the world quiets to the sound of your own breathing, we all want the same things: comfort, love and a peaceful heart....
~Mitch Albom (via Live Laugh Love)
*****
The worst prison is the death of one's child. You never get out of it.
~From the 2008 movie about a mother's child-loss: "I've Loved You So Long"
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♥ Please See Me Through My Tears ♥
You asked, "How are you doing?"
As I told you, tears came to my eyes...
and you looked away and quickly began to talk again.
All the attention you had given me had drained away.
"How am I doing?"
I do better when people listen,
though I may shed a tear or two.
This pain is indescribable.
If you've never known it,
you cannot fully understand.
Yet I need you.
When you look away,
I am again alone with it.
Your attention means more than you can ever know.
Really, tears are not a bad sign, you know!
They're nature's way of helping me to heal.
They relieve some of the stress of sadness.
The memory of my loved one's death will always be with me,
Only a thought away.
My tears make my pain more visible to you,
but you did not give me the pain...it was already there.
When I cry, could it be that you feel helpless,
Not knowing what to do?
You are not helpless,
And you don't need to do a thing but be there.
When I feel your permission to allow my tears to flow,
you've helped me.
You need not speak.
Your silence as I cry is all I need.
Be patient...do not fear.
Listening with your heart to "how I am doing" relieves the pain
for when the tears can freely come and go, I feel lighter.
Talking to you releases what I've wanted to say aloud,
clearing space for a touch of joy in my life.
I'll cry for a minute or two... and then I'll wipe my eyes
and sometimes you'll even find I'm laughing later.
When I hold back the tears, my throat grows tight,
my chest aches, my stomach knots...
because I'm trying to protect YOU from my tears.
Then we both hurt ME, because my pain is held inside,
a shield against our closeness and YOU,
because suddenly we are distant.
So please, take my hand and see me through my tears...
then we can be close again.
~Author Unknown
*****
An Ocean of Grief
© Ferna Lary Mills
I cautiously watch the water as it moves along the shore
creeping closer to the sand around my feet.
Beyond the crashing waves, where the water is deepest green
the ocean mirrors the depths of my grief.
My grief is like the ocean, sorrow coming in like waves,
sometimes gentle like a ripple on the sea.
Other times it just engulfs me with crushing waves of sadness
and undertows of despair pull down on me.
Some days I wade out in it, splashing memories with my feet,
recalling days of sunshine on my face.
Stepping through the foamy edges never venturing out so far
that larger waves can threaten their embrace.
Then when I least expect it this freak of nature soaks me
in reality so painful that I fall.
The sorrow and the anger that I've fought with day to day
surge through me in a tidal free-for-all.
One day when I'm much stronger and my grief is not so new
I'll swim just like I used to do before.
I'll take pleasure in the memories,
and tread water in those places
that we can't share together anymore.
*****
What Sad is
Sad is:
waiting for a child to come home who never will again.
not doing their dirty laundry just so that you can smell them.
having the junk they kept in their rooms turn into your greatest treasures.
watching other kids go on to do wonderful things knowing you child is done doing whatever he would have done.
thinking that somehow there must be a mistake, but you know there is no mistake because you kissed your child in his coffin.
never getting the chance to say goodbye.
knowing that an entire branch of your family tree is now gone, no grandchildren or great grandchildren.
seeing movies come out that your child will never see.
not being able to tell your child how much you love him.
having others wonder what you did wrong to make your child take his own life.
wondering what you did wrong to make your child take his own life.
waking up each day to the reality that your child is no more.
having an empty chair at the dinner table.
having every little thing you see or hear hurt you somehow.
waking and thinking you hear your child coming home in the middle of the night only to remember your child is never coming home.
living for your own death and welcoming it.
crying in supermarkets because you see apples or whatever else your child loved to eat.
feeling a sense of disaster non-stop every second of the day.
being helpless to do anything to help your child.
not knowing where your child is.
sobbing when people ask you how many children you have.
fearing people will forget your child.
living without your child.
Sad is only being able to visit your precious child at a grave site....
that is what sad is...
~by Grieving Mother, Bonni Rubinstein, R.I.P. Justin Rubinstein 11/1989 - 11/2010
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THE GRIEVER'S HOLIDAY BILL OF RIGHTS.
1.) You have the right to say, "TIME OUT!", anytime you need to. This may mean stepping away from the holidays and giving yourself an opportunity to blow off some steam and start over.
2.) You have the right to TELL IT LIKE IT IS. When people ask, "How are you?" You have the right to tell them how you really feel. If you want to tell them you are "fine" because you don't think they will understand, that is okay too.
3.) You have the right to some "BAH HUMBUG" days. If you don't feel like singing Christmas carols, that is okay.
4.) You have the right to DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY. You can change some of your traditions. You can have the holiday meal at someone else's house. You can choose not to decorate at all.
5.) You have the right to BE WHERE YOU WANT TO BE. You do not have to stay home. You can have the holidays anywhere you want.
6.) You have a right to SOME FUN! It is okay to laugh and have fun. Don't worry what others will think if they see you having a good time. Laughter is just as important and healing as tears.
7.) You have the right to CHANGE DIRECTION IN MID-STREAM. Grief is UNPREDICTABLE. You never know when the wave may hit you especially during the holiday season. If you are having a bad day and feel overwhelmed, it is okay to change your plans.
8.) You have a right to DO THINGS AT DIFFERENT TIMES. Go to church at a different time. Eat at a different time. Open presents at a different time.
9.) You have the right to REST, PEACE and SOLITUDE. You don't have to be busy all the time. Take time to rest, meditate or pray.
10.) You have the right TO DO IT ALL DIFFERENT AGAIN NEXT YEAR. You can keep the changes you make in your holidays or you may decide you want to try something different.
From "Handling the Holidays"
~By Bruce H. Conley
(via Grieving Mothers)
*****
Now I lay you down to sleep.
I pray the Lord your soul to keep.
Within His arms He'll hold you tight.
My Heavenly Angel.
My Guiding Light.
-Author Unknown
And my verses added...
Father, I know my baby sleeps
Even as now this mother weeps.
She's in your arms, placid and calm
Your love for her a healing balm…
Soothe too tonight this broken heart
Kept close to Your own bleeding heart.
You know the pain that child-loss brings
You know Yourself such sufferings...
Grant your peace rest on my brow
Gentle Father, please save me now.
You sent Your Child to save my life,
Your Child saved mine, and gave her Life…
I owe my life to You alone,
You saved my child and took her Home.
Show me today what You'd have me do;
I am Your lamb;You know my plight ~
You are My Way, My Truth, My Light;
Your Love through loss will see me through.
Dear God in Heaven, we all need You!
~Verses added, by Angie Bennett Prince
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