"Grief, I think, signs you up in a separate, invisible club, members selected at death's awful randomness. 'Gone forever' is our password, lingering sorrow our handshake. If you haven't lost someone important to you, you can't begin to know the rules. Truth is, you don't even know the club exists."
I can relate to the "New Reality" term better than I can to the "New Normal" term. I've never like hearing the words, "New Normal." The first time I think I heard "New Normal" was at a Compassionate Friends meeting, and I felt my insides reacting to those words...
Having the word "Normal" describe my new, permanent, devastating state of being felt like an insult to me. How dare anyone put a label on what we are going through as resembling anything close to a "Normal" existence!
I don't have a "New Normal" lifestyle to adjust to. I have a "New Reality" to accommodate!
A "New Normal" suggests a "Rush Job" into acceptance, and my system cannot rush to anything. (Not even to the bathroom!)
"New Normal" suggests a mentality similar to the trite saying we often hear people say on television and in movies following a death of a loved one or a brush with death yourself.
"It's okay; everything is going to be okay."
NO, IT'S NOT! MY LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN. HOW CAN THE DEATH OF ONE'S CHILD EVER BE OKAY???
It is too minimizing to relate a devastating experience and then hear a reply of
"Well, that's your 'New Normal'!"
No!!! Such a term is too dismissive of the intense pain pin balling through my system.
How did the term "Normal" ever get paired with a traumatic experience like Child-Loss???