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Wednesday's Woe
Spent
We are wiped out. Like my dog Prissy, I am spent.
It is July. Anniversary date, plus. Our child was gone from our house for most of June and the whole month of July, then was killed on August 2nd. So June and July, we are reliving the trauma of "losing her" before we lost her.
As August approaches, we are reliving the trauma of the sudden, violent, and mutilating death of our only daughter. Our cortisol (stress hormone) is running rampant. Current stressors are moving in on us...emotional meltdowns, spiritual meltdowns, family dilemmas such as my mother's threatening physical condition —
My care-taking abilities are almost non-existent, but people need me...
While I'm having these meltdowns, one brother comes close to having a heart attack and has had to have stents put around his heart. I cannot contact him.
My handicapped brother texts me; I cannot even respond.
My sisters call me, "We need you to come to Georgia to take care of Mother." I am not even sure I can take care of me, much less my precious ailing mother, so I cannot call them back right away.
My client calls with a situation very close to this nightmare we are living, and I cannot return her call.
"But it's been almost four years..." some would say...
Thank goodness last weekend, at the Grief and Trauma Conference, I heard the psychologist-specialist in Grief and Trauma say that
Child-Loss grief is intense for the first 5 to 7 years...
and then our grief still will go on for a life-time, but not at as intense a level...
But the general public does not know this...
But my family does not know this...
But my clients do not know this...
I only know it because I am living it, but until I heard the Trauma expert, I sort of thought I must be a little crazy, or that something must be wrong with me that child-loss is so debilitating to me. Little did I know
Debilitating Complicated Mourning that spans many years is the norm for my Child-Loss Grief.
Will someone please tell this to the world?
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