Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Wednesday's Woe - No Drama Mamas: 5 Things Different About Me After 5 3/4 Years of Grief

Blanche DuBois, "drama mama" in Streetcar Named Desire

Wednesday's Woe

No Drama Mamas: 
5 Things Different About Me 
5  3/4 Years of Grief

1) No Drama Mamas ~ I have enough drama going on in my grief-torn heart. There IS NO ROOM in my heart for "stupid" drama due to people's narcissistic need to put down or pound a grieving mother for their neurotic purposes. As I said to my teenagers years ago, all acting out in their dramatic ways about the time Easter came, and they were expecting the ever-gracious Easter Bunny who decided not to show up: "Don't shu-shu on grace," though I do believe I used the actual cuss word at the time.

2) Approaching "New Normalcy" on my work hours. I work for myself, having had a private practice in counseling for these 33 years of my career. As one client recently said, "Working for yourself means your job is to create jobs for yourself." Well, she was right. Self-employment means you have enough energy, self-discipline, and self-confidence to go out and create clients and then do the work of helping them get unstuck in life. Well, imagine what happens to all that when your child gets killed. Your own life becomes stuck in the mud - in the muck and mire of child-loss grief and trauma. For years, I just stumbled along with the clients I retained after my child died (many scurried due to the fear that comes with "death"). And with those remaining clients, I instructed them to call just before coming in for their appointment to make sure I was functioning that day.

3) I am more patient with certain clients, and impatient with others. In other words, if you come to me now, you'd better have "for real" problems (caused through little fault of your own). No whining allowed! With a grieving mother's perspective, you'd better be ready to "put the big-girl panties on" and deal with what life has thrown you. If so, then I'm gladly willing to roll up my sleeves to work hard alongside you.

4) Zero Tolerance for so-called "Christians," with their legalism, their superficial spirituality, and their desire to judge people simply for not obeying the "man-made" and often paganistic rules and rituals of today's church. Sweet Christians on the other hand who actually are living out the love of Christ in their hearts I need, and welcome.

5) Family. 'Nuff said. Who hurts you more than any other in your child-loss grief and trauma but family members who should know better. We no longer let people get away with cruelty just because they have "family member" written by their names.

Pictures, thanks to Jill Compton, and "I miss those close to me who are now in Heaven as Beautiful Angels"


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