Saturday, October 20, 2012
"There's no tragedy in life like the death of a child;
Things never get back to the way they were."
~President Dwight D. Eisenhower
"Things Never Get Back
to The Way They Were..."
A mother NEVER gets over losing her child.
It doesn't matter how long it's been,
how old her child was when they died,
or the reason they were taken away,
GRIEF does not ever expire.
Never tell a mother whose child DIED
to move on, get over it, or "be happy"
that their child is in Heaven now.
You are "sick" of hearing about it?
She has to live with it EVERY single day.
Your absence has gone through me
Like thread through a needle.
Everything I do is stitched with its color.
~W. T. Merwin, "Separation"
Rules for Dealing With The Bereaved Parent
If they have other children do not tell them to be grateful for them. They are, but they would have liked to have kept them all.
Do not tell them they can have more children. Some can't and those that do, are not replacing one human being with another.
Do not tell a parent who lost a child before birth, at least you did not get to know them. We knew them and loved them their whole life.
Do not tell them to get over it. They are never getting over it. How long would it take you to stop missing your child? How long would it take you to forget your child?
Do lend your ear and shoulder.
Do talk to them about their child. It may bring tears to their eyes,
But it will warm their hearts that someone else is thinking about their child.
Do call them on their child's birthday or anniversary of their death.
No matter how long ago it was these days are always hard for them.
Note to Self:
I am doing
the best I can
with what I have
in this moment
And that is all I can expect
of anyone, including me!
I can't say it in words...
Can you please just listen through my heart.
We feel like screaming, pulling our hair out, punching our pillow, or throwing dishes against the wall. Sometimes we're too weak to cry, so we make muffled sounds that don't even seem human. Other times we walk around like a zombie that hasn't slept for weeks on end. No, we're not crazy. We are a parent whose child has died, and we have lost all sense of purpose and no longer do we know how to live life. Don't pull away from us like we're a freak in a circus. Please stand by our side and simply be there. God knows, we just need somebody to stick by our side through this horrible thing called child loss.
~Silent Grief - Child Loss Support, September 28
"It's OK if you don't know
how much more you can handle.
It's fine if you don't know
what to do next,
Eventually, you'll let go
of how things should be
and start to see possibilities
based on reality.
It's YOUR life ~
Grasp the steering wheel
and force yourself to pay attention
to where you're going.
Remember me with smiles not tears,
for all the joy through all the years.
Recall the closeness that was ours,
A love as "sweet" as fragrant flowers.
Don't dwell on thoughts that cause you pain.
We'll see each other once again.
I am at peace...try to believe,
It was my time...I had to leave.
But "what a view" I have from here,
I see your face, I feel you near.
I follow you throughout the day.
You're not alone along the way.
And when God calls you... you will be,
Right by my side...right here with me.
Till then, I'll wait by Heaven's door,
We'll be united... evermore!
~via Grieving Mother, Jill Compton
REPLY TO "A LETTER FROM HEAVEN"
I received your Letter from Heaven. It made the teardrops fall.
But knowing you're with God above, Sweet memories, I will recall.
I know that you are with me, For I feel your presence near,
And if I listen closely, Your voice I then can hear.
I know you're watching o'er me, As you promised you would do,
And when I feel so saddened, It's your letter that sees me through.
When I lay in bed at night, The day's chores put to flight,
I truly feel your presence, Like a warm and glowing light.
I've tried to help others, Who are in sorrow and in pain.
And now I am contented, My day was not in vain.
I'll lend a hand When someone is feeling low,
I'll pray for them and be here, 'Till on their way they go.
And when it' time for me to go, To join you in heaven high,
My wings I shall spread wide To my home up in the sky.
I've been called many things in my life, but the one thing I've been called that affects me the most is Mommy.
~B.J. Karrer, 2012 of "Grieving Mothers"