Tuesday's Trust - Snap. Crackle. Pop. - Can We Trust Grief's Healing Process?

Tuesday's Trust

Snap. Crackle. Pop.

Can We Trust Grief's Healing Process?

Snap! Crackle! Pop! What is that sound I hear?

It isn't my bowl of Rice Krispies.

It is the sound of my LIFE I fear...

As body-soul-mind-spirit-heart-strength pitches

Into Child-Loss Earthquake's ravaged ditches

Splitting the core of each part with deep fissures....

Any neurosurgeon would be aghast to hear

A mere skull cracking open leaving a tear,

Yet these cracks don't stop with the physiological,

Nor just the body and heart biological...

Death rattles the earth of a Child-loss parent

In corners and crevices of life, not transparent

To th' naked eye, yet just as dangerous if not more

Than the cracks and fissures of the brain's core.

Would we leave a brain untreated, unhealed, unprotected?

Would we begrudge the healing needed for one so dissected?

Yet people around us Child-Loss grievers

Begrudge the healing and try to deceive us

Into thinking we can heal

Without the ability to even feel

The loss and grief left for us to bear...

They say we should proceed on with our lives with nary a care.

With such "beads and firewater" pitches, buyer beware!

Our body, soul, and spirit, along with mind, strength and heart

Should be nurtured and cared for as they've been blown apart.

Massive healing procedures should be put into place

With protections against germs of any who would abase

The needed rest, regrouping, and recuperation

Of a grieving parent who's been through death's worst decimation.

Grieving parent, take heed to soothe thyself ~Health's Proclamation!

Picture thanks to PhotoBucket.com

Poem - Snap. Crackle. Pop. / Can We Trust Grief's Healing Process? - Angie Bennett Prince - 2/28/2011

Wednesday's Woe - When Will I Find the "New Normal"?

Wednesday's Woe

When Will I Find the "New Normal"?

~Tommy and Angie Prince

In Young Frankenstein by Mel Brooks, the scientist Frankenstein asks his assistant Eigor, after experiencing his newly-created man which turns out to be more like a monster than a man,

"What was the name on the jar that contained the brain you found?"

Eigor told him he didn't remember, then he suddenly recalls,

"...It was... uhh... 'Abby'... something!"

Frankenstein says, "Abby... something???"

Eigor says, "Yes, that's it! 'Abby... Normal'!"

And the scientist realizes now he's in real trouble...

Well, I feel like the old joke that says

"When God was handing out brains, He thought I said 'drains,' and He washed mine out...!"

Yeah, I know...Corny...! But, anyway, our questions to any of you Child-Loss grievers is...

What is the "New Normal"?

and

When does the "New Normal" kick in?

(And I'm sure hoping my "New Normal" is not the one entitled, "Abby...Normal"!)

What is the final "Key" to the puzzle of

Who am I?

What can I handle?

What am I capable of doing now?

Whom can I be around?

What work can I do now?

Is there such a thing as a "New Normal" that we Child-Loss grievers ever attain? Is it a place we at least attain to that will indicate some level of stabilization, or is the "New Normal" an ever-changing condition, following the ever volatile and undulating path of our Grief?

"I still don't know what I can handle," Tommy says. "If something does happen like my getting triggered, do I have enough in my tool kit to be able to function?"

"I still don't know who I am, and what I am capable of doing," Angie says. "We are in the field of helping people who are in great distress, and it is our job to get down into that pit with them to better understand the emotional angst they are up against. This requires a great deal of emotional stamina. And since no client wants to get in touch with pain easily, the therapist will be pushed and tested and challenged all along the way.

"So how can I in good conscience take on a client who has some heavy-duty work to do when I am not even sure what I am able to handle? Therefore, who am I? Can I do the work I was trained to do, and did for 27 years before my world crashed? And if not, what am I capable of? And what direction do I take when I am so lost in grief? It is like the pilot who, when surrounded by constant cloud coverage, gets disoriented, loses touch with where the ground is, and at any moment easily could come crashing down..."

What is your experience with the "New Normal"?

Can you describe what that "New Normal" is for you?

And, What does your "New Normal" now look like?

And finally, how long did it take you to get there?

Picture thanks to FotoSearch.com

Tuesday's Trust - Getting Through: Walking Through Child-Loss Grief

Tuesday's Trust

Getting Through:

Walking Through Child-Loss Grief

Getting through, Getting through...

Is that all by grief I do?

Lord, Your children walked with You

Through the desert a time or two,

Time not wasted, time not spent

Without merit, their spirits rent.

Who's to know what makes us strong?

Muscles weakened, tested, tried...

Counter-intuitive, but not wrong...

Test my heart, by faith abide...

Getting through, Getting through...

Is that all by grief I do?

Who's to know the way of the Lord?

The Way of Weeping brings reward!

Others fear our hearts are torn...

(You say,) "Blessed are those who mourn."

Who's to say that tears aren't right?

Deepest love stirs deepest mourning!

(You say,) "Weeping endures for the night

But joy cometh in the morning."

Be our Fire that guides by night;

Be our Cloud that guides by day.

Who's to say grieving's not right?

We look to You to show the way...

Getting through, Getting through...

Is this all by grief I do?

As long as You lead the way --

Fire at night, Cloud by day...

Time with You amidst the fire

Quickens hearts as You inspire.

Getting through, Getting through...

Is this all by grief I do?

Do not fear. God knows the way

Through Grief's Desert, our Desert Storm.

Look to God to lead the way;

His heart burns for all who mourn.

He'll quench grief's thirst along the way.

Getting through, Getting through...

Is that all by grief I do?

If that's My way, will you follow?

What's grief to you, my precious child?

My Child died...yours to reconcile...

O my Lord,

"Thank You for such sacrifice!

You lead, I'll follow," says Your humbled child...

*****

The LORD went before them in a pillar of cloud by day, to guide them along the way, and in a pillar of fire by night, to give them light, that they might travel day and night. The pillar of cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night did not depart from before the people.

~Exodus 13:21-22

Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children.

~Ephesians 5:1

Picture: http://bit.ly/gZV9sT

Poem - Getting Through - Angie Bennett Prince - 12/27/10

Wednesday's Woe- Is my life...a series of Getting-Throughs . . . ? ~Tommy and Angie Prince

Wednesday's Woe

Is my life...a series of Getting-Throughs . . . ?

~Tommy and Angie Prince

I'm not "living" my life, I'm just "getting through . . ."

Getting through holidays.

Getting through birthdays.

Getting through death days.

Getting through holidays...

I told my older son last night (Christmas night), when he was wondering why he hadn't yet heard from us on Christmas Day...

"It's like we're on an airplane, gripping tightly to our seat, just hoping we can 'get through' the flight. We are just trying to 'get through' the day."

He said,

"I completely understand. You don't need to explain that to me. Just remember, I'm a passenger too (on that same flight), sitting just down the row from you."

Graciously, our son understands Grief's Plight....

Most of the "getting through" has to do with relatives:

Can we "get through" this wedding? No. So we don't go.

Can we "get through" a family get-together? No. So we don't go.

Can we "get through" a Christmas gathering of the whole family? No. So we don't go.

Is this my life? Is this my new normal? The "Get Through" approach to life?

Like it or not: It IS what It IS....

Wednesday's Woe - "The Great Reversal" or Right-Side-Up in an Upside-Down World?

Wednesday's Woe

"The Great Reversal"

or

Right-Side-Up in an Upside-Down World?

~Tommy and Angie Prince

If the New Testament is full of suffering, why are we surprised?

All the disciples suffered (all were martyred but one of the entire group of Apostles that closely followed Jesus)! So then, why are our "Assumptive Beliefs" the opposite...That life should be predictable, that we should be able to manage our own lives, that if we do the right things we will be kept safe-prosperous even, etc.

As a Christian, we are supposed to be exposed to The Truth. The world view has compromised and distorted the Christian gospel message.

"We have been lulled into a sense of complacency by our sense of invulnerability."

~Loss of the Assumptive World: A Theory of Traumatic Loss, Jeffrey Kauffman

(This statement was not said about us, Tommy and Angie Prince, though it very well could have been.)

Rather, it was said of America after "the shock of the 9/11 attacks" occurred.

That world-view we had all fallen for at some level, is no different than that world view the psychologists describe as our "Assumptive Beliefs" that come crashing down when a major tragedy occurs:

There are, however, as we have seen repeatedly...certain life events that bring us face-to-face with the fact that our existing assumptive world can no longer keep us safe. What follows (after such a major tragedy) is a painful and protracted struggle to find a new set of assumptions to replace those that are now obsolete.

The life events that cause the most difficult psychosocial {and I would add spiritual} transitions are those that violate core assumptions concerning

• Self-trust, the assumption that, most of the time, I can cope with the world I meet;
• Other-trust, the assumption that, when necessary, I can count on others to keep me safe; and
• World-trust, the assumption that the world is a reasonably safe place.

Traumatic life events can undermine any or all of these assumptions of security.

~Loss of the Assumptive World: A Theory of Traumatic Loss, Jeffrey Kauffman

*****

What if the tragedies we have all undergone that have turned our lives "upside-down" are in reality the events that are restoring us to Jesus' view of what is "Right-Side Up"?

What does Jesus' "Right-Side Up" view of the world look like? Quite the opposite of what we in the west believe about the successful, upwardly-mobile life, I'm afraid..

Why did Jesus tell the rich young ruler (one who seemed to be "managing" quite "well," having achieved a fortune even), that he should go and sell it all???

"Go...Sell all you have, and give to the poor..."

"If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor and you will have treasure in Heaven. Then, come follow Me."

When the young man heard this, he went away sad for he had great wealth...

As He watched him go, Jesus told His disciples, "Do you have any idea how difficult it is for the rich to enter God's Kingdom? Let Me tell you, it's easier to gallop a camel through a needle's eye than for the rich to enter God's Kingdom."

The disciples were staggered. "Then who has any chance at all?"

Jesus looked hard at them and said,

"No chance at all if you think you can pull it off by yourself. Every chance in the world if you trust God to do it."

Then Peter chimed in, "We left everything and followed You. What do we get out of it?"

Jesus replied, "Yes, you have followed Me. In the re-creation of the world, when the Son of Man will rule gloriously, you who have followed Me will also rule, starting with the twelve tribes of Israel.

"And not only you, but anyone who sacrifices home, family, fields -- whatever -- because of Me will get it all back a hundred times over, not to mention the considerable bonus of eternal life.

"This is the Great Reversal: many of the first ending up last, and the last first."

When did we fall for the Great Lie --that we should be self-sufficient, that people around us can be trusted to keep us safe, and that the world is a reasonably safe place...?

So tell us, what do you think...

Suffering: Exception or Rule?

Picture: http://weburbanist.com/2010/02/07/flip-this-home-10-unbelievable-upside-down-houses/

Loss of the Assumptive World: A Theory of Traumatic Loss, Jeffrey Kauffman, Editor, Dr. Therese Rando, Series Co-Editor, (Brunner-Routledge: New York), 2002, pp 238 - 239.

Scripture from The NIV and The Message, Matthew 19:16-21