Friday's Faith - When there's a Mess…

Friday's Faith

When there's a Mess…

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All graphics, thanks to ~M For the Survivors on ~pinterest

Tuesday's Trust - How do I trust, left quaking in my boots?

Tuesday's Trust

How do I trust, left quaking in my boots?

This week, a precious grieving mother reached out to me on the internet, baring her broken heart and soul to cry out for help to a fellow-grieving-mother. I dare-say she shares much of our own dilemma in needing to cry out to God when our understanding of Him has been thrown to an all-time low... Here I share her cry anonymously and my letter back to her that God put on my heart.

Angie,

I found you last week when I was looking up the word Grieving on the Internet. (Your) story was very touching and I hurt for you too.

I recently was 5 months pregnant and lost my baby boy. I never knew we as mothers could experience so much pain. I struggle with constantly asking God why, why why. I am a believer as well and it just tears me apart wondering why God would hurt us this way.

Anyways I know that I have some kind of strength and peace because of the people praying for me. I have really (distanced) myself from God, even though I talk to Him just not as much anymore. I want to just pull my hair out at times.

Could you please give me some encouraging words. I don't know how you pulled through.

Thank you

Dearest (Grieving Mother),

I am so glad you found me through the internet!

My heart breaks for you in losing your baby boy.

My heart breaks for you in hearing your agonizing struggle with God.

My heart breaks for you in recognition of that vulnerable spiritual struggle.

Yes, Grief can throw us into what my husband and I call a

"Spiritual Train-Wreck": right when we most need God, all our basic foundation in Him is shaken, if not shattered.

The One who knows us to the core and loves us without fail, the death of our child leaves us questioning, confused, even recoiling from. His very love for us has seemingly been contradicted and disavowed when we needed it most.

His reputation as

that Rock of protection,

that Beacon of diligent watching out for us and our little ones,

that Fighter of our Enemy,

seems impugned if not completely shattered.

All of our "Assumptive Beliefs" in Him are challenged if not shot-through,

leaving us confused as to who He is now,

leaving us feeling betrayed,

leaving us feeling abandoned,

on-our-own against an Enemy

we had no strength to fight,

not enough foresight to circumvent,

not enough armor to destroy before he could destroy our own.

And then, we are expected to bow to our knees to call on this God at a time we feel the most abandoned, let down, and/or betrayed by Him?

So, we unwittingly find ourselves distancing from Him, knowing we are probably being deceived by the Enemy, yet unable to overcome our confusion to again trustingly bare our hearts and souls before Him who gave up all for us.

What a conundrum! What a dilemma! Needing the One who loves us the most, yet fearful of and feeling betrayed by Him in the loss of our most sacred treasure on this earth, our child who has fallen right in front of His very eyes...

We have spent our lives watching out for our little ones, throwing pillows down every time they are about to fall, or picking them up quickly after they do fall. And then, when they need a pillow much bigger than the one we could lift, we discover their Heavenly Father did NOT throw it down in time for them to be saved? When He could see what we could not see coming at them, HE did not intervene, HE did not SAVE? It does not compute with our finite minds. It does not register in our hearts as a God of Love, of Protection, of Saving-from-the-Enemy.

So we become estranged, confused; we pull away. We have no strength to do battle with Him with our questions, our confusions, our feelings of being betrayed. So we retreat. We shut down. We back away. At our weakest, we are seemingly left alone to walk through the "Valley of the Shadow of Death" that the psalmist declared he could walk through without fear "because Thou art with me."

And to whom do we turn?

The civilians who have never tangled with this War of the Soul in the Valley of the Shadow of Death have NO CLUE with what we are struggling; indeed, we had no clue when we were on the other side.

But now, here we are, under the rock and rubble of devastation of all that is most dear to us, with no fight in ourselves, and with no understanding of our Lord-our-Risen-One who could rescue us from Evil, who could restore our hearts and souls, who could pick us up and hold us close to His heart when we most need Him as our Heavenly Daddy, our Abba-Father.

So we turn to the literature of other Sojourners of the Valley of the Shadow of Death, and we find very little there that truly addresses the spiritual disillusionment with which we struggle. It seems we find little more there than trite, superficial inquest of their Living Lord. It appears they are walking out of the Battle's Emergency Room settling for little more than mere superficial band-aids over their war-torn hearts that needed massive critical-care intervention to sustain Life.

So we turn away from pat answers of civilians and superficial answers of victims who have gone before us.

Yet we are left among the rubbles with no skin on, needing help but afraid to ask for it.

We find ourselves quaking before our Lord, much in need of His healing but afraid to bare our wounds to Him for treatment with His soothing ointment that could penetrate to the deepest core of our being with His healing Love because we don't "know" Him like we thought we did.

We not only feel blasted to smithereens by the Enemy, but when we look behind us to our Savior, we cannot find Him, and it feels as if some of the fiery blast was allowed to pass through Him straight to us, or even worse to our own vulnerable child.

Indeed some of us fear the fiery blast of death may have been of HIS own orchestration if we are to believe what is spoken to us: "God wanted your child to be His beautiful angel in Heaven."

So we recoil from Him, from His otherwise saving presence.

We are left in a sinking, war-torn ship without a Captain,

in a losing battle without a General,

in a Death-devastated Home with no Daddy to fight for us, to save us.

Disillusioned, beaten down, weak and powerless, we find ourselves like the disillusioned disciples who cry out,

"Whom have we in Heaven but Thee? And where else do we go? You alone hold out the words of Life."

My heart and prayers are with you, dear sister in grief.

Much love to you as you seek to find your way through the shattered remains of Death's battlefield,

Angie

Picture: Thank you to Eva Soulu for more of her amazing art... http://soulu.cgsociety.org/gallery/605247/

Friday’s Faith - The Effects of Grief on the Grief-Struck

Friday’s Faith

The Effects of Grief on the Grief-Struck

The grief-struck has had the bottom fall out;

The foundation’s been completely shattered.

What’s important has been called into doubt

When death’s destroyed one who really mattered.

What do you do when your bottom’s dropped out?

Your emotions shut down, then plummet, then

They take you on a roller-coaster route

To visit memories again and again:

In and out, up and over, through again,

Like a tornado goes through its tail-spin,

But slower, more detailed, ‘nd over again

To rework the pieces of life’s jigsaw,

Each intricate piece with edges so raw,

Could each slice through your heart like a sharp saw.

Your mind so impacted, shifts to first gear,

Attempting to take in factors so drear.

Other factors, it can’t take in, can’t hear;

Th’ cog’s so mired-up, it can’t move past first gear.

If it moves any more slowly, you fear,

It may simply stop, or move to the rear . . .

Going in reverse, (when) it can’t deal w’th what’s here:

It’s stuck in the past as memories appear,

To only ponder thoughts o’ your loved one dear.

“Why can’t you move forward?” folks start to jeer,

Questioning your sanity, (they) start to leer;

The life of th’ griever seems awfully queer:

“It seems you should be done; it’s been a year!”

Then there’s your body; it’s feathered and plucked;

It seems bogged down in the mire and the muck.

Others go to work, wond’ring why you’re stuck.

You can hardly function; they say, “Buck up!

But the hardest part hit is your shot soul;

The bad news has left its gigantic hole.

Satan sends his doubts—they start t’ take a toll:

“God’s your ‘Shepherd’; you’re a sheep in His fold,

but how does this fit with what did unfold?

Perhaps you really were (a) bill-of-goods sold;

Otherwise, why would death-to-yours be doled?

Is this how God answers your prayers so bold?”

God understands (your) questions as doubts unfold;

He hates death ‘n Satan; their end will unfold.

He meets you in (your) grief as it takes its toll,

(He’s) there to love and comfort, (in) His arms t’ enfold.

You fight (Satan’s) arrows, don’t let them take ahold*;

You know your God’s cut from a different mold.

Though Satan often tries to prod ‘n cajole,

You know God gave His Son to save her soul...

Grief strikes emotions, mind, body, and soul;

To all aspects of you, grief takes its toll.

Be patient with yourself as grief takes hold;

Grief strikes pervasive damage (if) th’ truth be told.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth tucked around your waist, with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.

*In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.

Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

Ephesians 6:10-18 NIV

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Restoration Time

by Kim Arnold, mother of Katherine Arnold Wolf

We have to love our children enough to let them hate us on occasion. We may have to allow them to think we’ve abandoned them when we haven’t.

Sometimes we may feel as if our heavenly Daddy has abandoned us, as well.

But He hasn’t. It’s just that we can’t always see His heart.

We have to try to focus on the Big Picture. In the end, all will be well. Everything will be resolved. We will understand fully, even as we're fully understood. Until then, we struggle through this mortal existence with partial clarity, doing the best we can with the cards we’ve been dealt. We fall, and rise back up; we’re broken, and then mended.

And, hopefully, we give each other grace. Much, much grace.

I believe there will be healing, restoration, and forgiveness. Where there is dismantling, there will be rebuilding; where there is unraveling, there will be reknitting; where there is separation, there will be rebonding.

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This is what the Lord says: At just the right time, I will respond to you. On the day of salvation I will help you…

Sing for joy, O heavens!


Rejoice, O earth!


Burst into song, O mountains!


For the Lord has comforted His people


and will have compassion on them in their suffering…

Can a mother forget her nursing child?


Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you! 


See, I have written your name on the palms of My hands…

Soon your descendants will come back, and all who are trying to destroy you will go away. Look around you and see,
for all your children will come back to you. “As surely as I live,” says the Lord “they will be like jewels or bridal ornaments for you to display…

This is what the Sovereign Lord says: “See, I will give a signal to the godless nations.

They will carry your little sons back to you in their arms;


they will bring your daughters on their shoulders…”

(Promises of Restoration, excerpted from Isaiah 49)

Thank you to Katherine’s Mom’s Blog for this portion of her post “Restoration Time.” http://katherineawolf.blogspot.com

http://katherineawolf.blogspot.com/2009/11/restoration-time.html

Poem – The Effects of Grief on the Grief-Struck – Angie Bennett Prince – 1/18/09