Wednesday's Woe - Ode to Joy... or Perhaps, Lid to Joy? ~Tommy Prince

Wednesday's Woe

Ode to Joy... or Perhaps, Lid to Joy?

~Tommy Prince

There seems to be an unseen lid on feeling good about things. It's like there's a limit to positive feelings. Positive feelings don't go as far as they used to, or only seem to go up to a certain level. It's like approaching things or events with a guardedness rather than an excitement or a reckless abandon. Spontaneity seems squelched or watered down.

Angie asks if I'm excited about the next band gig and I'll say, "I think so." I'm all too aware now of how things can fall apart or the unexpected can come our way.

The world is now seen as one large Trigger.

When I walk out the door, who or what will I see, and will it trigger me, and will I be able to handle it when I'm triggered? I seem to keep forgetting I am not the same person I was, and that the world as I once knew it has been shattered...

Saturday's Sayings - Missing You . . .

Saturday's Sayings

Missing You . . .

Missing You

No words I write can ever say,

How much I miss you every day.

As time goes by the loneliness grows,

How I miss you, nobody knows!

I think of you in silence, I often speak your name.

But all I have are memories and photos in a frame.

No one knows my sorrow. No one sees me weep.

But the love I have for you,

Is in my heart to keep.

I’ve never stopped loving you—I know I never will.

Deep inside my heart, you are with me still.

Heartaches in this world are many,

But mine is worse than any.

My heart still aches as I whisper low,

"I love you and I miss you so."

The things we feel so deeply, are often the hardest things to say.

But I just can't keep quiet any more, so I'll tell you anyway.

There is a place in my heart, that no one else can fill.

I love you so, my precious girl

And I always will.

~Author unknown

*****

~Thank you to Grieving Mother, L. L.

*****

"And can it be that in a world so full and busy the loss of one creature makes a void so wide and deep that nothing but the width and depth of eternity can fill it up!"

~Charles Dickens (1812-1870)

*****

From Grieving Mothers:

You are not the same person you were before. Too much has changed within and without. Do not try to fall back into the same patterns because you will only struggle to fit into a lifestyle that no longer fits. In order to live this new life, you must first identify the areas of your life that you struggle with, and then take steps to learn how to move forward in those areas. For instance, you might find yourself in new situations that you are not comfortable in without your loved one, or you might have new responsibilities that you do not know how to fulfill because your loved one used to take care of them for you.

Here is where you need to grow. God will provide what you need to experience true growth. Pray for wisdom as you develop new patterns of living.

Gretchen says, "My husband could talk to anybody about anything for any length of time, and I just always let him do it. I wasn't a big talker, but the Lord gave me some of that talking ability after he died. And I've been grateful for that because I was very happy in just letting my husband carry the conversation with people. Now, every time I go to something that I really wished I didn't have to go to, I just call on the Lord. The Lord is so faithful. Every single time I get through it and wind up enjoying it."

By God's grace you can be changed. You do not have to try and be the person you were before, because that is not possible. Instead . . .

"Put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator" (Colossians 3:10).

Lord, even though I don't necessarily want to change, I know that I must. Give me confidence and wisdom in the areas that I struggle with. Amen.

~Grieving Mother, K.H.A.

*****

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."

~Rose Kennedy

*****

"TAKE AWAY"

Instead of birthday gifts for me

Come take some things away.

There's so much here that I don't want

So please don't give... just take.

Take away my knowledge

Of funerals, and urns, and graves.

And take away the guilt I have

For not being with him to save.

Take away these inward screams

That resonate his death.

And take away my begging

To give him back his breath.

Take away this heartache

That leaves me living in pain.

And take away the last 2 years

To when this sadness came.

Take away this loneliness

That stays throughout the year.

And take away this horror

That just won't disappear.

Take away that empty space

He no longer occupies.

And take away these tears of mine

That forever fill my eyes.

Take away this silence

That reminds me that he's gone.

And take away my wondering

How things could be so wrong.

Take away my questions why

That cause never ending grief.

And take away my doubting

That has shattered my beliefs.

Take away most anything,

Especially his death...

But PLEASE don't take my memories,

They're all that I have left.

by Christine Ross

~Thank you Grieving Mothers for sharing

*****

"Mourning is one of the most profound human experiences that it is possible to have... The deep capacity to weep for the loss of a loved one and to continue to treasure the memory of that loss is one of our noblest human traits."

~Shneidman (1980)

*****

A MOTHERS LETTER TO HEAVEN"



I SIT AND WRITE THIS LETTER

WITH TEARS RUNNING DOWN MY FACE

BUT I KNOW DEEP IN MY HEART

YOU ARE IN A SPECIAL PLACE


I THINK BACK TO THE TIME

WHEN GOD GAVE YOU TO ME

I HELD YOU IN MY ARMS

AS HAPPY AS I COULD BE


FIRST WORDS FIRST STEP FIRST SMILE

I WAS THERE TO SEE YOU GROW

YOU GAVE ME SUCH HAPPINESS

MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW


TEENAGE YEARS YOU HAD YOUR FEARS

BUT TOGETHER WE GOT THROUGH

IN GOOD TIMES AND IN BAD TIMES

I WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU


I WATCH YOU GROW AND LOVED YOU SO

SO PROUD OF WHAT YOU HAD BECOME

YOU WOULD ALWAYS BE MY BABY

AND I WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR MUM


THE DAY YOU DIED HOW MUCH I CRIED

MY HEART WAS BROKE IN TWO

HOW COULD I LIVE IN A WORLD

HOW COULD I GO ON WITHOUT YOU


BUT I KNOW YOU ARE STILL HERE

I FEEL YOU NEAR ME EVERYDAY

YOU LEAVE WHITE FEATHERS EVERYWHERE

I KNOW YOUR NEVER FAR AWAY


I SWEAR I HEAR YOUR VOICE

TELLING ME I LOVE YOU MUM

ONE DAY WE WE WILL BE TOGETHER

I KNOW THAT DAY WILL COME


REST IN PEACE MY CHILD

I SEND THIS LETTER WITH ALL MY LOVE

UPON THE WINGS OF AN ANGEL

TO HEAVEN UP ABOVE


KNOWING DEATH IS NOT THE END

HELPS TO EASE THE PAIN

BY HEAVENS GATE I KNOW YOU WAIT

TILL WE ARE TOGETHER ONCE AGAIN

Copyright©JohnConnor

~via The Compassionate Friends

*****

Have Faith that things will get better.

And never Ever give up.

You may be feeling overwhelmed right now;

There may be so much chaos in your mind, that you can't think straight.

You may be feeling, confused, uncertain - maybe a little afraid.

Don't worry. It will get better. It is already getting better.

With every Positive Choice you decide to make;

Everything Positive you read, absorb, reflect on, meditate over.

Let your worries, anxieties and stress melt away.

Do not give them the Power to control your thoughts.

Everything Good is coming to you. Have Faith.

Sometimes it's when we hit Rock Bottom;

Is when we Realize that the only way is up.

Sometimes, it gets the Darkest just before Dawn.

The Prettiest Rainbows appear after the Biggest Storms subside.

Don't let any Cloudy Skies, fade the Beautiful light;

Of your Precious Soul.

Believe, and Know everything will be okay.

Focus on every Good thing that Makes you feel better.

And Build up Your own Positive Moments Step by Step.

Soon, it will Transform into Your Reality.

Be Strong and Follow your Bliss.

Have a Beautiful, Positive day. ♥

~ © Kiran Shaikh 2012

~via Grieving Mothers

*****

Photos, thanks to Grieving Mothers, and Grieving Mother Jill Compton

Photo: by "PEACE BE STILL" (picture with the cross) (also first picture, above the title)

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Steal-my-Soule/134572689947877

Friday's Faith - Can the Oceans Hold Our Grief?

Friday's Faith

Can the Oceans Hold Our Grief?

Listening to a meditation c.d. …

Hearing my baby splashing in the Ocean of Life,

Laughing outrageously,

Having the time of her life…

Lord help me climb into

Her True Reality ~

She has not been robbed of life;

She is swimming in Your Great Blue Sea!

Left behind,

My eyes tear up;

I miss my child,

My eyes fill up…

My, what love does to our heart;

We're never the same once our child does part…

Thank You Lord, You gave us a love so great;

It never diminishes this side of Heaven's Gate.

It will be there still when once she reappears ~

Meanwhile, we'll fill Oceans with our salty tears;

It does not matter how many the years…

Such love goes with us, and never disappears.

Tell me Lord, how do You handle such love?

You have so many children You long for from Above.

Please reach down and hold this child's heart,

Weeping now as I miss my child that from me had to part…

Help me as daily, I wade through my Oceans of Grief;

Hold me,Your baby girl, comforting with sweet relief.

Tell me, do my tears fill the Oceans that bring her sweet relief?

Picture, Thanks to Google Image

Poem - Can the Oceans Hold Our Grief? - Angie Bennett Prince - 11/9/2011 - Day 1,925 of Losing Merry Katherine

Tuesday's Trust - 'Tis the Optional Season!

Tuesday's Trust

'Tis the Optional Season!

For the past two years, we have not "done" Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is now just three weeks away. From this distance, we are thinking maybe we can have the family over again (just our little family - our son Nathan, our son Rollin, his wife/our daughter-in-law Stephanie, and their baby/our new grand baby Ellie). But then again, we pause, and question ourselves…

Are we lying to ourselves???

What can and can't we do these days?

How different are we?

One hazard for me is having to celebrate the holiday at a certain given time, and I have no idea how I am going to be at that given time. Putting holiday pressure on myself (on top of my-already-demanding-grief) feels claustrophobic -- nowhere to run, nowhere to hide if all expectations are there to "perform."

There are cultural expectations for the holiday. There are familial expectations for the holiday, so there is some level of anxiety beginning to creep in. Early on in our grief, we didn't think in terms of options as we do now. We just felt we had to "celebrate." Now we give ourselves room to have "options"!

Otherwise, it seems like a "holiday" could easily turn into a "get-through-it" day.

So a day that should be "special" for the intended sweetness entailed in it, could become more like a "going through the motions" day, just trying to keep our deep sorrow at bay…

Last year, my family-of-origin down in Georgia had a combination Thanksgiving Dinner AND Birthday Celebration for my precious mother. I knew I could not do that get-together because a large crowd of family is too overwhelming for my system now. But it made the holiday especially sad because I couldn't be with my mother to celebrate a special time with her. (What was great though was, as it turned out, my 97-year-old mother didn't even want to go!!!)

(I wish just my mother and I could have gotten together. That was our style when I went home to visit -- just she and I would spend time together, maybe one brother and his wife would come over for a little while, but most of the time, it was the two of us (and one of her helpers). We would have the best times together. Quality time. Relaxed. Unhurried. Special. Often we would laugh together. And often, we would cry together. (We were both child-loss parents, so we had that in common; we each "got it.") So sweet.

But, I digress… So as of right now, I have no idea what we'll do.

But I do hope for some sort of sweet quality fellowship with my precious "little" family.

We'll take it one step at a time and trust that the best solution surfaces . . .

What about you?

What are your holiday plans so far?

(There is a sweet story about holidays and loss that goes with today's picture; you might want to check it out at the following blog site:)

Picture: http://relayforlifeoflaketravis.blogspot.com/2006/04/empty-table.html

Friday's Faith - The Haunted Eyes

Friday's Faith

The Haunted Eyes

We smile,

We greet family

We laugh at antics

We share stories

We take pictures...

Ah... There's the rub.

We look upon the pictures

And see...

The true story,

The story underneath the story

Of public graces and small talk.

We see

The eyes...

The face is smiling

But,

The eyes...

Are forever sad,

Not fitting into the graceful,

fun laughter

filling out the rest of our face.

The eyes are haunted...

though

Surrounded by family,

Surrounded by people,

Surrounded by love...

We are haunted

By the one who is NOT there...

Forever gone from our hearts

embrace

Forever gone from our playful

repartee

Forever gone from our reassuring

glances

Forever gone from our loving

hugs

Our eyes are haunted

As our eyes will never forget;

They are the window to our soul

And they will not lie.

We are haunted.

Our lives are destroyed

Our story has stopped

...Because you left us,

Or were taken...

And though we appear to "move on"

We never will.

Not really.

For our eyes tell us

Our world has stopped...

Even if no one around us

knows

nor accepts it,

We know:

It's over.

Our eyes tell us

What we try not to know:

Life is forever changed

With the heart amputated

from its chest walls

And the soul eviscerated

from its former happy perch

And the spirit trapped

between Heaven and earth

but no longer grounded

in this room with these people

In this here and now,

but firmly entrenched in

the Promise,

the Promise of

what is to come,

but still

the Promise...

of the

Not Yet.

Picture, thanks to Loss of an Adult or Young Adult Child Photos

Poem - The Haunted Eyes - Angie Bennett Prince - 9/8/2011

Picture of Heaven, thanks to Jill Compton