Monday's Mourning Ministry - From My Limited View... (I talk to my baby girl) / If You Could See Me Now ~The Integrity Worship Singers

Monday's Mourning Ministry

From My Limited View...

(I talk to my baby girl)

~

If You Could See Me Now

~The Integrity Worship Singers

From My Limited View…

I talk to my baby girl

Baby girl,

You left so young...

It felt like your life was interrupted

You left so young

It felt like your life was incomplete...

And yet you call...

"Sweet Mommy, don't you know

With Jesus, all

In my life, He does bestow!

"My life's fulfilled!

His love makes my heart glow!

"I am complete

His time is not in years...

"If this truth you could know

Your eyes would not flow with tears:

"Your baby girl has arrived,

And now my life does thrive!

"In His arms, there is no bluer sky.

"If you could know,

You would not question why;

You too would glow,

You would not need to cry!

"Life there below

Was life incomplete ~ till I

Could walk with Jesus! Now I know

True life begins when you die…

"His River of Life does flow

Through souls like yours and mine!

He loves us so,

Our souls do truly shine!

"Mommy, when you start to doubt,

And you think that I was cheated,

And you start to pout

Thinking my life was not completed,

"Remember Who HE IS,

He IS the Giver of Life

This IS the life of bliss:

No more struggles with sin and strife!

"Just look at me, and see me now,

Sheltered in His tender love;

If you could see, your soul would take a bow,

Thankful your baby girl could be with Him above,

I have, in no way, been cheated

I am blessed, for Here my life IS completed!

"My life was not interrupted

Satan's game plan for me was disrupted!

All answers to your prayer

Are found IN God so fair!

"Climb into my world,

Please see your baby girl!

Use your eyes of faith,

Your baby girl was Saved!

Enjoy this life with me

For I'm happy as can be!"

But baby, I'm so sad;

I miss you, oh-so bad…

I'm glad to hear you're happy,

And yet, since you're not here, I feel so sad and lonely…

"Mommy, you sorrow there,

but you won't when you're Here with me!

Meanwhile, I will share

My heart so you can see!

"And the work God gives you to do,

You can share with me,

For Mommy, I pull for you

From this veiled cloud you cannot see!

So, you see, we are still a team

In God's great mystery~

In God, death is not what it seems;

Life doesn't end in misery:

"Now we can commune

In ways no one can see:

Our hearts will be in tune

More than on earth, they ever could be!

"Watch and listen Mommy!

God will give you eyes and ears to 'see'!"

Thank you baby for trying to help me see;

I thank God too for letting you commune with me!

And I'm looking forward to having new eyes to see,

So I can share more with God and you, and taste more of Eternity!

*****

"Kairos. Real time. God’s time.

"That time which breaks through chronos with a shock of joy, that time we do not recognize while we are experiencing it, but only afterwards, because kairos has nothing to do with chronological time. In kairos we are completely unselfconscious, and yet paradoxically far more real than we can ever be when we’re constantly checking our watches for chronological time.

"The saint in contemplation, lost to self in the mind of God is in kairos. The artist at work is in kairos. The child at play, totally thrown outside herself in the game, be it building a sand castle or making a daisy chain, is in kairos. In kairos we become what we are called to be as human beings, co-creators with God, touching on the wonder of creation.

"This calling should not be limited to artists, or saints, but it is a fearful calling. It is both Manna and taboo. It can destroy as well as bring into being.

"In Our Town, after Emily has died in childbirth, Thornton Wilder has her ask the Stage Manager if she can return home to relive just one day. Reluctantly he allows her to do so. And she is torn by the beauty of the ordinary, and by our lack of awareness of it. She cries out to her mother, “Mama, just look at me one minute as though you really saw me… it goes so fast we don’t have time to look at one another.”

And she goes back to the graveyard and the quiet company of the others lying there, and she asks the Stage Manager “Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it?” And he sighs and says, “No. The saints and poets, maybe. They do some.”

~From Walking on Water, by Madeleine L’Engle

*****

If technical difficulties, please go to http://youtu.be/ivM1ytYswNA

If You Could See Me Now

~The Integrity Worship Singers

Our prayers have all been answered,
I've finally arrived,
The healing that had been delayed
Has now been realized.
No one's in a hurry
There's no schedule to keep,
We're all enjoying Jesus,
Just sitting at His feet.

If you could see me now,
I'm walking streets of gold
If you could see me now,
I'm standing tall and whole.
If you could see me now
You'd know I'd seen His face.
If you could see me now
You'd know the pain's erased…

You wouldn't want me to ever leave this place.

If you could see me now

My light and temporary trials
Have worked out for my good
To know it brought Him glory
When I misunderstood
Though we've had our sorrows,
They can never compare
What Jesus has in store for us
No language can share.

If you could see me now,
I'm walking streets of gold
If you could see me now,
I'm standing tall and whole
If you could see me now,
You'd know I'd seen His face
If you could see me now,
You'd know the pain's erased…

If you could see me now
I'm walking streets of gold
If you could see me now
I'm standing tall and whole

Picture of Jesus, "Prince of Peace" by Akiane Kramarik at age 8 - http://www.flickr.com/photos/9364639@N08/2696981181/

Music Video - http://youtu.be/ivM1ytYswNA

L'Engle quote, thanks to http://log24.com/log/saved/kairos.html

Wednesday's Woe - Missing the Uniqueness of My Baby...

Wednesday's Woe

Missing the Uniqueness of My Baby...

Merry Katherine's Birthday. We went to her grave site today...

I actually woke up happy this morning, and even had good dreams for a change... I was rejoicing that we had Merry Katherine 24 years ago, and how sweet that was to have our baby girl.

But as the day wore on, I had some unfortunate "Non Child-Loss Grief War civilian" downloads dumped in my lap to deal with that came seemingly out of left field - totally unexpected, that stirred me up to the most agitated state I've been in for quite a while... Finally by mid-afternoon, I told Tommy,

"I've got to go to her graveside for awhile."

Since it had been a long time since we had been, I gathered up cleaning tools and fresh silk flowers to take for her to have a clean marker with new pink birthday roses. East Tennessee is like my home state of Georgia in that it has Red Clay, and so at the graveyard, the red clay backs up onto the granite marker, filling in the engraved letters with mud which later dries out into red dirt so that you can barely read the information on our baby's grave. So I took about five old toothbrushes, a large brush, a large roll of paper towels, and the computer air cleaner, "Dust Remover - Compressed-Gas Duster" I think 3M calls it, and put them all in a plastic bag. Thankfully, Tommy decided to go with me. :)

When we got there and walked up to her grave stone, I pulled the cleaners and brushes out of the plastic bag and slid the plastic bag under me to sit down on instead of on the dirty ground, and I set out scrubbing and cleaning her grave stone while Tommy cleaned the mud and old flowers out of the vase. I told Tommy,

"This feels so good to get the agitation out and be doing something constructive for her."

While I was working, a peace came over me that amazingly settled the agitation. Tommy began straightening out his mother's grave site, and his uncle's, whose plots are across from, and next to, her site.

A woman down the way at the end of the row from us was tending a grave marker as well. I waved and she waved back. Later, she walked over and surprised me when she saw which grave marker I was working on and remarked,

"Oh! I know her! Are you her mother?"

She then told us she works at Central Baptist-Bearden Church, and that she knew Merry Katherine from there. (This is where Merry Katherine and her brothers chose to go to the wonderful youth department there when they were all in high school.)

Her name was Faye. She continued ~

"Your daughter was always smiling. She was always happy and full of spunk."

And as I pulled my hair out of my eyes, she lit up and said,

"And she looks just like you. You both are beautiful!"

Tommy laughed and said, "Yes, thank goodness she took after her mother."

And Faye laughed and then said, "Well I bet she had your personality."

I said, "She has his personality to a tee."

We had a sweet and encouraging conversation with Faye who had lost her husband sixteen years ago. It was such an edifying time to meet someone who knew our baby ~ and knew her sweet and fun personality like we did. Faye then left.

I knelt down and patted Merry Katherine's body by patting the ground over her body, and talked to her, crying. It was so good to commune with her and let the tears fall onto the grass over her. Again, a soothing peace fell over me as Merry Katherine reminded me,

"I'm okay Mommy. I'm here." (meaning up here in spirit...)

Later, after we got home, Tommy and I began talking about the agitating issues I had faced earlier in the day, and Tommy remarked,

"If Merry Katherine had been here she would have said things in such a way that would have transformed that situation for you."

We both cried. . .

I miss my baby and all the critically important roles she played in our lives. I miss my baby girl, and yet I am so thankful for the 19 years I got to have with her...

Photo from FotoSearch.com