Thursday's Therapy - Rekindling Friendships: Grief Amidst the Holidays

Thursday's Therapy

Rekindling Friendships:

Grief Amidst the Holidays

~Tommy and Angie Prince

Taking a break from our TRAUMA Therapy Toolbox posts, we want to address some issues around the holiday, and what was for us this week, a therapeutic way to "celebrate" this Christmas season.

This will be our 5th Christmas holiday in our 4 1/4 years of grief over losing our precious 19-year-old and only daughter. For the FIRST time in the 5 Christmas seasons, we were able to go to a get-together with our close friends last night. It was extremely casual, low-pressure, and graciously open-ended as to whether we would be there or not. These friends are extremely authentic people; there is no pretense about them at all. Some of us were dressed up for the holiday. Some were not. And that was okay.

The conversation was real just like the friendships are real. Several we had not seen in awhile. A few we see fairly often. All have a great sense of humor, so we were laughing at one another's foibles and tell-tell stories we all told on ourselves. Somehow, we were able to tell "kid"-stories without either Tommy or I getting triggered. We even had some time to share grief stories of new losses in the group of which I had been totally in the dark. So, there were hugs and condolences, and stories of what our friends have been going through in regard to their losses.

There was a love and acceptance of us with no need of direct acknowledgement of our deep pain because these friends KNOW and their actions were more than enough to show their deep love. Many of these friends have been faithful over these years to show us their love in oh-so-many-tangible ways, and it has been incredibly touching.

Last night was a great reminder of life's gifts by which we're surrounded.

And now, even closer bonds are formed "through-the-fire," serving as reminders of God's "Treasures of Darkness" in our lives.

*****

(A)nd I will give thee the treasures of darkness, and hidden riches of secret places, that thou mayest know that it is I, Jehovah, who call thee by thy name, even the God of Israel.

~Isaiah 45:3 ASV

http://www.fotosearch.com/photos-images/fireplace.html

ASV: American Standard Version of God's Holy Word from http://biblos.com/

Wednesday's Woe - "Emotional Leprosy" and Sorrow's "Trail of Tears"

Wednesday's Woe

"Emotional Leprosy"

and

Sorrow's "Trail of Tears"

He said that those who have endured some misfortune will always be set apart but that it is just that misfortune which is their gift and which is their strength.

—Cormac McCarthy (All the Pretty Horses)

"Emotional Leprosy" and Sorrow's "Trail of Tears"

Our friend didn't show today, dear Lord.

Our friend didn't show today.

(One of the few friends I could get "up" for,

As most mem'ries were made pre-kids, or before...)

Is grief too heavy a load to bear,

To witness two friends with their souls stripped bare?

Our friend didn't show today, dear Lord.

Our friend didn't show today.

Do we have "emotional leprosy"?

Are our wounds contagious or ugly to see?

Or perhaps our burdens are too heavy to bear

For one on the upwardly mobile stair.

Our friend didn't show today, dear Lord.

Our friend didn't show today.

Is there NO ONE who can bear our sorrow?

Perhaps he will show tomorrow...

...

...Our friend didn't show today either, Lord.

Our friend didn't show yesterday.

No call. No apology. Like we don't count.

Cast aside, shunned, left to drown in the tears of Grief's lonely fount.

One of the few friends not from Child-Loss Land,

And now, once again, another friendship "canned."

Our friend didn't show today either, Lord.

Our friend didn't show yesterday.

What has happened to our old friends, long gone?

It's like we've stepped from Life itself into the Twilight Zone...

It seems to me the only friends we have now

Are new ones who don't know..., or grievers who our tears, allow.

Our friend didn't show today, Lord...

Another casualty of Death's stark sword.

(To be fair, most of the friendships I have killed off

As I cannot bear the "Get over it!" scoff.)

Grief casts us into the "No-Win Zone"...

It's hard to be a player when you must huddle in the far end-zone!

Please lead our way through lonely and harrowing years

As we're banished from "Land of the Living" onto Sorrow's "Trail of Tears"...

E'en though our friend didn't show today,

You'll ever be our Companion to lighten our way.

And though we may feel like a cast-out tramp,

We know even You Lord (our King of Kings!), were led "outside the camp."*

If You had not gone where You were led, there'd be a diff'rent story...

Because of You, our "Trail of Tears" will lead us into Glory!

May we, though it be through pain, ever go where we are led,

Help us to lean on You, Who will keep our spirits fed.

Our friend didn't show today, dear Lord.

Our friend didn't show yesterday.

But You, our Lord, our Friend of the friendless are here.

And You will be here to catch each and ev'ry tear.

You're here yesterday, today, tomorrow.**

You'll stay with us to help us bear our sorrow!

Who better to have than a Friend acquainted with Grief?***

Only such a Friend can bring us Grief's relief!

*******

* The high priest carries the blood of animals into the Most Holy Place as a sin offering, but the bodies are burned outside the camp. And so Jesus also suffered outside the city gate to make the people holy through His own blood.

Let us, then, go to Him outside the camp, bearing the disgrace He bore. For here we do not have an enduring city, but we are looking for the City that is to come.

~Hebrews 13:12-14

**Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

~Hebrews 13:8

*** He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from Him; He was despised, and we esteemed Him not.

~Isaiah 53:3 (King James Version)

Picture thanks to media.photobucket.com/image/colorsplash

Poem - "Emotional Leprosy" and Sorrow's "Trail of Tears" - Angie Bennett Prince - 5/7/10