Showing posts with label Is Child-Loss 'The New Hell-on-Earth Normal'?. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Is Child-Loss 'The New Hell-on-Earth Normal'?. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Tuesday's Trust - "Trust" When Stuck In the Rubble of Our Never-Ending Grief?






Tuesday's Trust


"Trust" When Stuck In the Rubble of Our Never-Ending Grief?






"trust: placing reliance on... something else over which one has little control"



Feeling defeated, I am so tired:
Days full of Grief, nights of nightmares;
It seems in my Grief I am daily mired,
Tried by the constancy of Grief's wear and tear.

How will I keep my head above water,
How will I step up to my daily chores,
When Grief disables and I teeter and totter
As I strive to navigate Death's tumultuous shores?

How do I walk through this "Invisible Disability"
When "normalcy" is all that outwardly appears?
How do I achieve inner tranquility 
When triggered steadily only to dissolve into tears?

Such is the life of a grieving mother,
So much work is required inside...
Learning to breathe even as Grief tries to smother,
Striving to rest, and in my Savior abide.

God, in the Darkness, please show your Light,
Reveal your Hope in the midst of Despair;
Grief renders up such a difficult fight
As even our lungs strive to grasp for air.

Enter the catacombs of our Deep Grief,
Providing us sustenance amidst our heart's wounds;
Bring us Your Comfort for blessed relief
As we pull ourselves up from our children's dark tombs...

"Thou wilt keep her in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee":
Give us the strength to turn our hearts to Thee
When stuck in this rubble of our never-ending Grief.


~~~~~


"Thou wilt keep her in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee: because she trusteth in Thee."

~Isaiah 26:3 KJV


(some capitalizations, and gender substitution, mine)












Picture, thanks to ~2012: Love and Loss
Poem - "Trust" When Stuck In the Rubble of Our Never-Ending Grief? - Angie Bennett Prince - 4/23/2013
KJV = King James Version of The Holy Bible

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Wednesday's Woe Weeping and Gnashing ~Tommy Prince







Wednesday's Woe

Weeping and Gnashing

~Tommy Prince



Scripture's description of Hell...

"They will throw them into the fiery furnace, 
where there will be 
weeping and gnashing of teeth."

~Matthew 13:42





We survived Thanksgiving by being extremely low-key. Literally shutting all the doors, closing the curtains, and turning off all the phones. But, for a Child-Loss Griever, what happens when you have peace and quiet? Keep everybody away... and the grief surfaces. I didn't know how much until my nightmare yesterday morning… 



Hope for our daughter…


Emotionally, we were forever expending energy, trying to help her. Angie and I spent all our emotional, and much of our physical energy, trying to save her from herself...


“Last forever!' Who hasn't prayed that prayer? You were lucky to get it in the first place. The present is a freely given canvas. That it is constantly being ripped apart and washed downstream goes without saying.” 





The Nightmare that Never Goes Away…


I awakened yesterday morning from a nightmare. When I awakened from my nightmare, I didn't experience the typical response of, "Thank goodness that was a dream and not real life!" Usually my nightmares would consist of the typical, 

"I'm on a trip somewhere but I can never seem to find my destination; I am lost." 

Or, 

"I've got an exam coming up in a college class, but I haven't even studied for it." 


…so that, when I wake up, I can breathe a sigh of relief: 

"O, that was just a dream!"



But no. This time, I awakened, as I have over these past 6 years after her death, from a nightmare about her, to an internal scream of, 

"O Hell No!!!" 

And emotionally, I am a mess.



In my nightmare, she had been in some form of treatment, and was home on a pass, but a woman was here with her saying, "She's got to go back---there's a technicality not attended to, so she has to go back 'to fill out a form.'" I was furious. 

What A Cruel Joke:  
"She's here, but you can't have her."


I wake up, as I said, to my internal screams of  

 "O Hell No! 
"Having to live without her is a living nightmare!" 



It seems I've always got a simmering growl underneath the surface. I feel a constant tension in my jaw. Weeping and gnashing are going on all the time inside me at an unconscious level. 



Yes, I will go through the motions of life during my day, but…

My clumsiness tells on me…

High blood pressure tells on me…

Tension in my jaw tells on me…

Nightmares tell on me...



It's like at some deep level there is always weeping and gnashing going on in my heart and soul.


Perhaps this is really "the new normal" for Child-Loss Grievers, better defined as
"The New Hell-on-Earth Normal"! 



Everything in me, for some unexplainable reason, is trying to keep her alive and keep her home, but it's not working. 



My Life's Call: Keep my child alive. 
Mission: Failed.
















Pictures - Top, Dark Sky, thanks to Grieving Mother, Nancy Tuz
Below, Climbing the Heavens, thanks to Grieving Mother, Darlene Thomas