Showing posts with label ~by Tommy Prince. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ~by Tommy Prince. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Wednesday's Woe - On Our 2,177th day of grief...Anniversary Syndrome Rears Its Ugly Head ~by Tommy Prince







Wednesday's Woe

On Our 2,177th day of grief...

Anniversary Syndrome Rears Its Ugly Head

~by Tommy Prince






From "Silent Grief - Child Loss Support":

Child loss isn't a temporary sad thing. Child loss is a forever heartbreak. There are no vaccines to protect us from the pain, nor is there anything to keep the pain from recurring throughout our entire lifetime. The phrase, "I'll be so glad when you get over this" should be wiped out and never used because it simply does NOT apply to child loss!!!! The loss of a child is something we will never "get over"!

~thanks to grieving mother, C. W.





The silent grief is making a lot of noise inside me. We are 15 days away from our child's death date, and the symptoms of 'Anniversary Syndrome' are already rearing their ugly heads. 

There's a sadness that's come over me that is making it difficult for me to even hold my head up. The fatigue is keeping me from being able to do what I want to do during the day. I only want to talk to people that I have to talk to. There's no energy to deal with any extra contact. My emotions are extremely tender... and testy; the short fuse is back. I go through periods of having a short fuse with myself and others, and I am back in that state. I am 'out of it' such that I am not as aware of my external surroundings as I need to be because my internal condition is demanding my all. So a couple of days ago, I unwittingly slammed my toe into the side of some wooden steps, and I could hear the ligaments around it snap. All because I am in a daze, caught up in the stupor of grief.

I am doing all the things I can to try to take care of myself by getting rest, exercise, etc. But this is a sadness and despair that I can't 'wish' away, or 'manage' away. The death date is coming, and there is nothing I can do about it. 





As "Silent Grief" so wisely stated,

Child loss isn't a temporary sad thing. 

Child loss is a forever heartbreak.



~~~





And so does a Dad....












Quote, thanks to grieving mother, C. W.
1st picture, thanks to grieving mother, B. J. K.
2nd picture, thanks to grieving mother,  J. W. T.
3rd picture, thanks to grieving mother, I. E.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Wednesday's Woe - How Do We Get Our Minds Right for This? ~by Tommy Prince







Wednesday's Woe

How Do We Get Our Minds Right for This?

~by Tommy Prince






How do you sufficiently prepare to face dismantling your deceased child's bedroom? How do you fold up each and every belonging of the child you so long for, but now only have the belongings she left behind? How do you touch every stuffed animal, every personal note she wrote, every outfit she wore without becoming dismantled yourself?

Furniture is coming soon. We've got to do something as there's not enough room to put more pieces of large furniture, at least as things now stand. Angie's parents have both died now, and they had wanted her to have some of their furniture and treasured possessions. The furniture has been divided among her parents' surviving children, and soon it will be transported to each child's home. Ready or not, here it comes...

Normally, with big projects facing me, I say, "I've just got to get my mind right." Working on the car, working in the yard, cleaning out the garage, etc. whether in the heat or in the cold, I somehow manage to tackle these exacting tasks one way or another. My son has asked, "Daddy, how do you do that?" And I always say to him, "I just have to get my mind right."

But this? This project involves much more than just getting our minds right. How are we to "prepare" for this major project? This project threatens to, and I'm convinced it will, rip our entire hearts out...












Picture of teenage girl dressing up in her room: http://www.webstockpro.com/BigCheese/BCP923-27.Teen-girl-dressing-up-Photo/

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Wednesday's Woe - Reawakening the Presence of Her Absence ~by Tommy Prince





Wednesday's Woe


Reawakening the Presence of Her Absence


~by Tommy Prince





I haven't had one of these dreams in a long time, but occasionally I will dream Merry Katherine is here and alive, and I have a craving in my dream to hug her and hold onto her and never let her go. And then I wake up to the nightmare of the truth that she's gone. Then I'm an emotional wreck for several days. It's like -- "This is a bad joke!"


It's a yearning for her that's still there that comes out occasionally in my dreams.



Lately, similar things are happening when my little grandaughter ("Ellie," now 7 1/2 months old) comes over to stay awhile. While she's here, I'm having a wonderful time. With her presence here, my blood pressure even drops! I'm just wowed by her.


It isn't until she's gone that I realize how I go into a form of withdrawal. I find that I cry every time Ellie leaves, but I know the tears are not about Ellie; they're because I miss Merry Katherine.



In looking back on the time I have with Ellie when she's here, I realize that I open myself up emotionally such that it taps into a craving that's in me that is reserved only for Merry Katherine.



After Ellie leaves, I feel similar to the way I do when I wake up from one of those dreams. Because I'm confused. My system is confused. My spirit is confused. My soul is confused...


I'm opened up emotionally. I'm bonded.



Ellie is getting loved on by a part of me that got to love on Merry Katherine and terribly misses Merry Katherine.


It awakens that painful absence of Merry Katherine so that her absence is even more pronounced.



When Ellie's gone, I realize I had a wonderful time with Ellie. But another part of me is terribly sad, feeling,



"I had her (Merry Katherine) right here. Now I don't.


"Ellie will be back... Merry Katherine won't!"




I really miss my baby girl.






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Picture, thanks to Grieving Mother, Jill Compton