Showing posts with label Can We Trust God IN our Weakness?. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Can We Trust God IN our Weakness?. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Tuesday's Trust - We "Are Weak, but He Is Strong"






Think twice before telling 
someone to be strong,
because usually a strong 
person is the one who 
loves deeply, 
loves fiercely, 
and will grieve 
severely.



Tuesday's Trust

We "Are Weak, but He Is Strong"






Strength takes on a new meaning for the Child-Loss Griever. We find that our severe weakness comes to exemplify the depth of love we have for our child, and so, over time, such weakness no longer alarms us, but gratifies us in that it represents the sacred love in our heart we have for our precious child. 

And as Christ told us, we will find that as we are "weak," depleted of our own human strength,  indeed, with His help,  we become "strong" as He ever works more mightily in us when we must lean on Him. It seems we also grow stronger amidst our devastating grief because we come to know what our lives are all about as we look closely at our broken heart, and that is, our lives have been all about pouring out our hearts of love for our child. 

Unfortunately, those around us continue to bemoan our "weakness," and wish we would just get on with "life as usual." What they don't seem to understand is that our hearts are being forced to grow deeper and wider as we are stretched to the nth degree by the loss of our child, and in so doing, our lives become all the more enriched and nourished amidst the depths of such love. 

It is a new kind of strength that is hard to explain; it is similar to the Scripture when it describes, the old man is gone; the new has come

We are weaker in regard to what the world considers important, but we are much stronger in regard to what is really important.  

Like a butterfly coming out of the dark cocoon, the old is gone, but the new that appears is full of life and light and beauty as we recognize what is really important in this life.


So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 

~2 Corinthians 5:16-17 (NIV)


So too, amidst our child's death as the shackles fall from our eyes, we are somehow pleased to see that the "old" is gone… with its ways of getting caught up in what this world thinks is important, and the "new" has come. Our hearts now are fully invested in love, for our child, for our own broken hearts, and for all the other grieving mothers and daddies who are grieving around us. So we sense a new strength while those around us may still see only our depleted weakness, but we must remember…


as Scripture says,

"these words are there (in God's Word for us) so that you can answer those who take pride in what is seen rather than in what is in the heart." 

~2 Corinthians 5:12b (NIV)












Picture, thanks to ~Death of a Loved One 
Scriptures, from The New International Version of The Holy Bible


Monday, February 4, 2013

Tuesday's Trust - From Order to Chaos ~Tommy and Angie Prince








Tuesday's Trust

From Order to Chaos

~Tommy and Angie Prince





How disruptive it is to go against the order of things. It's disruptive of the order of things when your child dies. 

We see in Genesis the order God brought to the chaos. "And the world was without form and void…" He brings order into such chaos. He separates the heavens from the earth, land from the water, bringing order and substance to the "without form and void." In that world of order, there are certain truths: night and day, seasons of the year, gravity that keeps us on earth, water that runs downhill, flowers that come up in the spring from bulbs that were in the darkness of the underground, the sun that melts the snow, order. 

Everything on earth is designed around that order. Our plumbing is set up on the basis of water running downhill. Planting and harvesting are planned according to the seasons that steadily come and go. 

What if the sun didn't come up tomorrow? Like the lights going out at the Super Bowl, our lives would be thrown into disarray, wondering what is going on? What do we do in this state of helplessness? How do we put one foot in front of the next amidst such darkness and chaos?

When there is disruption at any level, look at what would happen in people's lives. There's supposedly an order that you will outlive your child. When that order is disrupted, it is catastrophic to parents' lives. 

Imagine a world then where that order is disrupted. A child is born; a child is raised; a child is about to be launched into adulthood, yet that child is killed. Gone. Life snuffed out. Light turns to Dark. Now the parents' lives become "without form and void." We're going backwards, from order back to chaos, from substance back to void. All amidst a world where everyone else's world is filled with life, and order, and prolific growth. 

Yet for the Child-Loss parent, all is dark, all is chaos, all is confusion… yet somehow we are to "trust"? Faith-and-Trust "is seeing light with your heart when all your eyes see is darkness." How is that to be done? It's a God-thing. It can only be done with that God who brings order out of the chaos, form out of the empty, substance out of the void. He is the Creator of the Universe. He is the Creator of our child. He is the Creator of our lives. Only He can show us how it's done. And we must ask and seek and remain open to His voice at the very time we may feel the least trusting. Only God can help us to have such trust amidst our abject chaos. Only God can put us back together again, one small step at a time, with darkness all around us while we lie buried in the rubble, merely hoping for Spring...











Picture, thanks to ~Grieving Mothers, Barbara J. Karrer

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Tuesday's Trust - Does Being a Christian Mean Grief Hurts Less? ~Angie and Tommy Prince








Tuesday's Trust

Does Being a Christian Mean Grief Hurts Less?

~Angie and Tommy Prince





Last Tuesday, I began our post with the first quote below. We think it is such a profound statement, we wanted to address it further in this week's post:


I heard a message once that faith does not make the grief hurt any less, and I appreciate the honesty of that because I think we do people an unspeakable disservice when we assume that faith somehow ought to make it less painful of a road to walk. 

~Alina Sato





And, what if we were all to conspire to work together to always present a positive image even to the very negative experiences of life, never showing the underbelly of the pain and tragedy we've undergone and the dilemmas of our faith that must be worked through, over and over and over, after Child-Loss? This person says it so well I think:


Whatever is unnamed, undepicted in images, whatever is omitted from biography, censored in collections of letters, whatever is misnamed as something else, made difficult-to-come-by, whatever is buried in the memory by the collapse of meaning under an inadequate or lying language - - this will become, not merely unspoken, but unspeakable. 

~Adrienne Rich




What are our churches hoping to gain when they attempt to reach the lost by carnal means even as they are hoping to produce a spiritual result? It simply does not work that way! The Bible itself, God's Word, does not mince words about the real issues and sins and tragedies that were going on in the lives of His people - the very people whom He had called unto Himself. Are we then to mince words regarding our very real pain and tragedy so that the lost will more likely be drawn into the "Victorious Life" of a Christian?


Much of the Christian theology out there these days suggests we are exempt from tragedies happening if we are a child of God. It's like double trouble being a Christian:  

A) Tragedy is not "supposed" to happen to a Christian.  

B) If it does, then it's not supposed to hurt! 




Tommy and I have actually been accosted by a well-meaning, but incredibly naive, Christian friend of ours when he crossed our paths about a year (only a year, mind you!) after the loss of Merry Katherine, who, the same age as his daughter, went to church together, went to school together, and were friends and fellow-athletes with one another. Evidently shocked that we could still be grieving one year after our great loss, he very uncomfortably asked us, 

"Well, isn't it supposed to make a difference that you have God?!"




Much of the feedback I have gotten from Christians who are not child-loss grievers is that my writing is too "dark." So where does that leave us child-loss grievers who are forced to be honest with our pain (which, yes, is ofttimes "dark,") or we will not heal? 



As Christian, grieving father, Dennis Mansfield commented on his Facebook page that to deal with our grief, it is important that we keep our hearts soft so that we can process through our grief. (See his quotes below.) I agree with him. How would we be able to process through our multi-dimensional grief if we were always feeling the need to play pretend, as if our version of theology were to create a myth of magical freedom from pain in order to protect God Almighty's reputation? 

And if we do not write about our pain, are we denying many thousands of parents the truth of our pain, and therefore the truth of their pain, to cover it over and whitewash it in order to "look" better. That is even more of an offense to our Lord, to not think He can handle His own reputation in the long run, that even though it may look sullied in the short term, it simply is the case that we do not have all the story while we are here on this earth. 

Thankfully, God does not ask us to mince words with our pain. He encourages us to be real, and to reach out to other broken hearts like ours.




Dennis Mansfield's Facebook comment (evidently) to someone's disclosure:

"Each of us has difficult times in our lives. Most of us simply keep it inside. May your hard spot be softened.. for that's the only way to heal. I know this to be true."



Mansfield goes on to introduce the excerpt to his new book about to be released in March, 2013, in which he addresses the loss of his oldest child to drugs:


"This is an excerpt from a chapter that captures the initial deep question that (was) posed to ourselves (or better yet, was thrust at us; and against which we were forced to respond.)

"Though deeply and profoundly sad (a sadness from which I wondered at times if I could ever survive.)"




In his excerpt, he refers back to his deep question…



"At 27 years of age, our beautiful, beautiful boy, Nate, was dead apparently because of drugs. My mind stopped. My heart nearly did, as well. How had our family come to this? I was a leader in the national pro-family movement. I loved my son. What happened to our intentional, planned and purposeful parenting? All the family legislation and marriage conferences we worked on, suddenly seemed to amount to nothing; all the home schooling, all the summer vacation bible schools, all our parental warnings of the outside world and all the energy in constructing a godly Christian barrier to that world, seemingly amounted to nothing. 

"Why had all our efforts not worked?"


Dennis Mansfield's book, Beautiful Nate: A Memoir of a Family's Love, A Life Lost, and Eternal Promises is to come out in March, 2013. Thank you Dennis for your contribution to the bereaved parents' journey.










Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Tuesday's Trust - How Much We Suffer... ~Tommy and Angie Prince







Tuesday's Trust

How Much We Suffer...

~Tommy and Angie Prince







How many of us have really been taught that life would include such harsh reality?



But the Lord said to him, “Go, for he is a chosen instrument of Mine, to bear My name before the Gentiles and kings and the sons of Israel; for I will show him how much he must suffer for My name’s sake.”

~Acts 9:15-16 (highlights, mine)


When they had preached the gospel to that city and had made many disciples, they returned..., strengthening the souls of the disciples, encouraging them to continue in the faith, and saying that through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God.

~Acts 14:21-22 (highlights, mine)













Pictures, thanks to Grieving Mother Jill C., and Barbara of Grieving Mothers

Monday, April 16, 2012

Tuesday's Trust - More Than Just a "Sunday-School Religion"






Tuesday's Trust

More Than Just a "Sunday-School Religion"





I remember telling someone soon after Merry Katherine, my precious 19-year-old daughter was killed, suddenly snatched away from this protective mommy's side,

"You'd better hope your faith is already in place and established before something like your child's death happens, because you wouldn't want to have to start your walk with God at a (dark) time like this."

And I still believe that. Everything you ever know or knew about God will be tested when your precious child's life is snatched away suddenly, completely, and totally out of your control.

You have done everything to love her, nurture her, provide for her, and protect her. You have prayed for her, taught her about our loving Lord, guided her, introduced her to her Lord, watched her faith grow, then struggle, then grow some more, then be tested, falter some, and then see her run back into His loving arms.

You have been guided by Him to love her, guide her, nurture her, chastise her, encourage her, and comfort her. You have watched a real miracle of faith blossom before your eyes.

And then, Blam! She is snatched away while the God who is the same yesterday, today, and forever watches on and sees her life brutally taken from her. It defies any logic you've ever had. The questions come. The faith is challenged. And yet,


You know

He is God.

He loved her.

He loved me.

And He always will...


I heard myself saying to my husband Tommy today (rhetorically speaking),

"You'd better hope that you have more than just a Sunday-School religion when your child is taken."


That is why I'm amazed that people don't get it ~ (that) my faith is deepened amidst the depths of my grief, deepened in the trenches of death in the way that no Sunday School class, no sermon, and no song from the choir could ever begin to touch. Why?

Because God is here ~

With me in the trenches.

Helping me to breathe my every breath.

And He is more real to me in every way because I could not take one more step, not even a baby step, without Him by my side...

Alway.

Intimately.

In the fire.

In the fear.

In the doubts.

In the agony.

In every living, waking, walking, stumbling moment.



And I know Him deeper than I've ever known Him before, and I can attest:

He is faithful.

He is here.

And He is love.








Picture, thanks to Grieving Mothers

Monday, March 19, 2012

Tuesday's Trust - Where to Find Peace?

\

Tuesday's Trust

Where to Find Peace?


That in Me ye might have peace.
~John 16:33


These words have brought peace to me this morning. Sometimes our circumstances are so peaceful, that without knowing it we slip into finding our peace in them. Then something happens to disturb them and our peace is disturbed. Sometimes those about us are so dear that our hearts rest in them, and this is good, but it is not enough, for what if one, in whose love we trust, should disappoint us?


Our Lord did not say, These things [the things of Ch. 16] I have spoken unto you, that in your circumstances ye might have peace; or, These things I have spoken unto you that in the love of others ye might have peace; but He did say, "These things" --things of wonder, joy, sorrow, preparation-- "I have spoken unto you that in Me ye might have peace." (John 15:20)


. . . Is there any surprise of grief that our dear Lord has not foreseen?


Is there any wound to love that His love has not suffered?


"These things I have spoken unto you, that in Me ye might have peace."



~from Edges of His Ways, by Amy Carmichael



*****



“I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

~John 16:33





Monday, January 9, 2012

Tuesday's Trust - No Lord! Not the "C" Word... Not for My Child!!!"






Tuesday's Trust

No Lord! Not the "C" Word... Not for My Child!!!"






Today, I took my baby boy, my first-born child, now 29-years-old, the father of my 5-month-old grandchild, Ellie, to the doctor, only to hear the dreaded words spoken to him,


"You have cancer."


and then...



"We must operate in 2 days."



What? Not another beloved child of mine put at risk???!!!




*****



I pleaded with God last night as I feared those might be the words I would hear today. God had a "Come to Jesus" moment with me where He asked me to try something that would jolt me back into knowing this God of Love that He is. He asked me to remember a series of affirmations about His love for me. And I did.


Then, as I was reading a wonderful devotional book, Come Away My Beloved by Frances Roberts, God inspired me to physically join with Him in His love for me...


He encouraged me to "handle" Him even as Thomas did when he was going through his doubts, by saying, "Go ahead. Handle Me. It's okay." That's when He asked me,


"Put your hand on My broken heart."


This of course broke my heart as it resonated with the love pouring out from His.


"Now... put your hand on My nail-scarred hand."


I cried as I did so.


He asked,


"Now can you doubt my love for you? You must not let anything physical (such as cancer) come between My love for you."


I went to sleep in tears, fully aware of His great love for me and my son.



*****




This morning as I read the beatitudes (Matthew 5:1-12), I was reminded that God's Economy is not our economy. We want to nestle our children in a bed of ease for all their days, but God doesn't work like that. He uses difficulty in life to grow us up, to prepare us for doing His work in His kingdom while we are here.


So too, He will use difficulty in our children's lives to prepare them for the good works He has prepared ahead of time for them to do. I have to be reminded so many times over that it is not MY kingdom I am to be building, nor MY CHILDREN'S kingdom that is to be built, but it is


"Hallowed be Thy name, THY Kingdom come, THY will be done on earth as it is in Heaven"


as Jesus starts the Lord's prayer with, AND ends the Lord's prayer with…


"For THINE is the Kingdom, the power, and the glory forever and ever. Amen."




*****



Genesis describes God's Spirit as "hovering" over the earth during its creation...


The Hebrew word translated as 'moved' in verse two (of Genesis 1) is "rachaph", meaning "to hover; as a bird hovering and brooding over it's young". This same word, "rachaph", is used in Deuteronomy 32:11, which describes God's leading the Children of Israel out of Egyptian bondage with this beautiful imagery:


"As an eagle stirreth up her nest, fluttereth (rachaph) over her young, spreadeth abroad her wings, taketh them, beareth them on her wings: So The Lord alone did lead him..."


"Rachaph". The Holy Spirit hovers still, just as He did at creation. He hovers over you and flutters within you. Can you not feel His presence? He covers you with His wings; keeping, cultivating, and nurturing you with care and affection. He is The One Who comforts, guides, and helps you with your weaknesses. He is The One Who bears witness that you are The Father's child. He is The One Who intercedes for you and empowers you. He is The One Who imparts gifts to you for service in The Kingdom. He is One Who will always be there; hovering and watching over you; taking care of you as One over the young in their nest.


~http://www.christianblog.com/blog/galahad/the-holy-spirit-as-a-hovering-dove/




*****



But does God intend for us to just stay in the comfy nest?


No, and neither does he intend for my children to always be comfy. He has a real mission and a more lasting purpose for their precious lives than just to live in comfort… And just as His own Son learned obedience through suffering, so do we have to learn thusly, and so do our children…



*****



(The following is found in On Mission with God)


Do you know the ways of God with His people? As Moses prepared to end His earthly journey, he told Israel the ways of God with His people in terms they could remember.


Exodus 19:4-6

New International Reader's Version (NIRV)


4 "You have seen for yourselves what I did to Egypt. You saw how I carried you on the wings of eagles and brought you to myself.

5 " 'Now obey me completely. Keep my covenant. If you do, then out of all of the nations you will be my special treasure. The whole earth is mine. 6 But you will be a kingdom of priests to serve me. You will be my holy nation.' That is what you must tell the Israelites."

Deuteronomy 32:9-12

New International Reader's Version (NIRV)


9 The Lord's people are his share.
Jacob is the nation he has received.
10 The Lord found Israel in a desert land.
He found them in an empty and windy wasteland.
He took care of them and kept them safe.
He guarded them as he would guard his own eyes.
11 He was like an eagle that stirs up its nest.
It hovers over its little ones.
It spreads out its wings to catch them.
It carries them on its feathers.
12 The Lord was the only one who led Israel.
No other god was with them.


God trains His people for their mission as eagles train their young to fly!



Way of God with His people #1:

He stirs up their nest to get them on His agenda.

When an eagle gets ready to build its nest, it finds a crag or a ledge where wild animals cannot get to it. There the eagle weaves such a large, solid nest out of sticks, branches, briars, or bones that even the high, swirling winds cannot blow it down. Then she lines that nest with feathers, cloth, papers, or anything soft for comfort. The eaglets hatch in that cozy environment. A baby eagle is safe. Above is a mother to protect from the rain with curb service at least three times a day!

The mother eagle knows that these eagles were not born to sit in a nest all of their lives. When the time arrives for them to fly, she reaches into the nest, pulls out all the soft down and paper with her claw, and lets the little eaglets down on the briars, sticks, bones, and branches. They begin to cry out because everywhere they turn they get stuck.

That is what God says He did to Israel; He stirred up their nest. God had given the Israelites the choicest part of Egypt in the land of Goshen when Joseph was the second in command in Egypt. For 400 years Israel was nurtured in this nest. The people had forgotten much about the promised land…. God stirred up their nest. When you get stuck in one of the stages of development, one of God's ways is to make you uncomfortable by stirring your nest, readying you for His next move.

These free people, who had been assured a promised land in which to live, found themselves building storehouses for pagan Pharaoh. That was not what they were meant to be! God had to get them where He wanted them to go, so He let them fall into the hands of a Pharaoh who enslaved them and made their lives miserable. They began to cry out to the Lord. God works with His people this way: He stirs their nest in such a way that they cry out to the Lord. When Israel cried out, God called Moses and said, "I have heard the cries of my people, and I am going to save them." God must get us where we are ready to cry out to Him and say, "God, do something. Somehow, we are not all You promised we would be. We are not doing all we are supposed to be doing."

God stir(s) our nest to teach us to fly by faith.


Way of God with His people #2:

He demonstrates His power by hovering over His people.

After the eagle stirs the nest, she hovers over the nest with her wings to show the eaglets how big she is. In effect, she says,

"Never fear; mother is here. I know you are sitting on briars. I know you are still crying, but don't worry. I have everything under control."

While Israel was stirred up, God sent 10 plagues to show how mighty and powerful He really is! God was hovering over Israel so the Israelites would trust Him and leave their nest to go to the promised land.

When the eagle hovers over the nest, the eaglets realize how big their mother is. Her wingspan can be from 5 to 12 feet. She hovers to free them from worry. After God stirs your nest, He hovers over you. He shows you He is everything you need. God wants you to understand He is big enough to accomplish His mission. When He stirs your nest, God then hovers over you, not to make you comfortable but to cause you to believe Him for the next thing He wants to do in your life. How has God been showing you Himself and His power…?


Way of God with His people #3:

God leads His people to take the next step on mission with Him by bearing them on His wings and then shaking them off.


The next thing the mother eagle does is to place her wing on the edge of the nest and say(s) to the eaglets, "Get off the briars and get on the wing." If they won't do it, she starts beating them until they do. It seems that even their mother has turned against them! God's way is to stir you up, hover over you with His wings, and then bear you up on His wings. Sometimes God has to let you get beaten up by circumstances until you say, "I'll take anything but this." At that point you get on the wing.

Once the eaglets get on her wing, the mother lurches off the cliff and begins to fly. For the first time in their lives, they experience the ecstasy of flight. As they soar through the air, they begin to understand what they were born to do. The mother eagle takes them back to the nest. They jump back into the briars and jump right back on her wing. Again she takes them high above the earth. This time, while they are enjoying their flight, she shakes them off. They go tumbling down. Some fly, and some don't. She dives under those that can't fly and catches them. Again she takes them up to the heights, lets them relax and shakes them off again until they learn how to fly. Another method she sometimes uses is to take them to the edge of the cliff and just push them over. God puts His people in a faith-creating situation to get them to fly in order to fulfill the purpose for which He created them.

God bore Israel on eagle's wings and again and again demonstrated that He was sufficient when the Hebrews flew by faith. In all kinds of ways--the miracles in Egypt, at the Red Sea, the manna, the quail, and the water of the rock--He showed that He wanted them to step out in faith. If they fell, He picked them up and took them up again and again to teach them to fly.

As you reflect on what happened to Israel, recall a circumstance in which you felt God "pushed you…off the cliff" or when God shook you into the air to cause you to fly by faith."

…The Lord of heaven and earth expects His people today to be priestly people and suffering people, willing to lay down our lives to serve others. We are to be an obedient, holy, disciplined, and missionary people. We are to love, serve, suffer, and minister as God does to all people. We are to take the salvation message to the entire world.


~Avery T. Willis, and Henry T. Blackaby in On Mission from God







Monday, January 2, 2012

Tuesday's Trust - God Calls... Though Grief's Ravages Linger




Ireland's Cliffs of Moher: The Pathway on the Edge



Tuesday's Trust

God Calls... Though Grief's Ravages Linger




The vision is there,

but not the repair,

The love of God shown,

Yet complete healing not known,

God's sparks of light,

But still... the night.


God's sufficiency reigns,

My self-sufficiency tamed.

Ravages of grief linger,

Yet God points His finger

To go and obey,

Walk in faith.


God shows His light

Though darkness yields blight.

God's will must be done,

Yet sleep doesn't come.

Can we trust in Him

As energies dim?


God told Abram to trust

Though Sarai seemed barren

At age 90, he 99;

Abram trusted the Vine.

Yet Abram doubted

Though God's faithfulness shouted.


Will we sell God short

As we watch plans abort?

God builds perseverance

When the fire burns hot;

We would choose convenience;

God does not.


Though grief drags us down,

God wears the crown.

Keep our eyes on Him,

Not our chances slim.

Bank on God's omniscience,

Not our common sense.


He marks the trail

Though we are frail.

To follow Him Home,

We must drop our throne.

God in Us, the Hope of Glory;

Without His power, we're an untold story.

Though I may faint, To God be the glory!










Poem - God Calls... Though Grief's Ravages Linger - Angie Bennett Prince 1/2/2012