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hope …is what keeps me alive
Wednesday's Woe
Out For The Count...
In July, 2011, my husband Tommy was diagnosed with cancer.
In January, 2012, Rollin, our first-born son, was diagnosed with cancer.
Then, in July of 2013, Tommy was diagnosed with cancer… again.
3 strikes, and I was out for the count.
Something happened with this third declaration of this dreaded enemy, Cancer, trying to ravage my loved ones, that it knocked me to my knees.
Literally.
As I got down on my knees to once again make my urgent cries to Heaven, I hit Stalemate.
Suddenly, I didn't know how to pray.
I felt assaulted by Fear.
For reasons unknown, this time my urgent cries I had prayed for my precious child, my daughter Merry Katherine, came to the forefront... And, as urgent as those cries had been to my Heavenly Father to keep her safe, it felt, at that almost-seven-year anniversary of her death, that my cries had been denied...
Suddenly, I felt an abject helplessness in daring to raise my cries to my Lord yet again. What if these prayers were answered with a Denial?
I couldn't take it. I couldn't risk yet another LOSS of another precious loved one.
As much as I loved God and had always felt I could trust him, suddenly, those seven years, and 3 cancer strikes later, I hit the proverbial wall. Spiritually, I couldn't move.
I felt stymied. How was I to trust my prayers this time? Urgent prayers years ago that seemingly culminated in death… How could I risk that again? I couldn't. So I had nowhere to turn.
This spiritual drought that felt like a winter-freeze-suddenly-dropped-on-my-heart, leaving me quaking.
It turned into quite a long season of drought…
Thankfully, so thankfully, our God is faithful. It is only in Him that true Hope originates. It was not up to me to dredge up some hope, for in the state I was in, that couldn't be done (as if it can ever be done in the flesh!).
But thanks be to God that His Word declares His truth to us,
The Lord is there to rescue all who are discouraged and have given up hope.
~Psalm 34:18 CEV
And, Rescue, He did.
For thus said the high and exalted One, inhabiting eternity, and holy is His name: "In the high and holy place I dwell, And with the bruised and humble of spirit, To revive the spirit of the humble, And to revive the heart of bruised ones,"
~Psalm 34:18, YLT
What an amazing, faithful God we serve!!!
And so, Lord, where do I put my hope?
My only hope is in You.
Psalm 39:7 ~New Living Translation
~~~
2 But as I stood there in silence—
not even speaking of good things—
the turmoil within me grew worse.
9 I am silent before You; I won’t say a word,
12 Hear my prayer, O LORD!
Listen to my cries for help!
Don’t ignore my tears.
And so, Lord, where do I put my hope?
My only hope is in You.
Psalm 39:2,9a,12a,7 NLT
(Several capitalizations of God's name, mine)
Scripture Graphics, thanks to Pinterest
Translations of the Bible Used:
CEV: Contemporary English Version of The Holy Bible
YLT: Young's Literal Translation
NLT: New Living Translation
