Friday's Faith - To the Naysayers of Our Grief ~Angie and Tommy Prince

Friday's Faith

To the Naysayers of Our Grief

~Angie and Tommy Prince

We won't "get over it";

We won't "move on"!

So, please get over it;

Stop droning on!

You just don't know

What Child-Loss is;

(Hopefully) you'll never know,

So just stay out of our biz!

There's no "getting over it"

There's just walking it through.

There's no "moving on";

There's just facing it daily, alone!

If you have any compassion for us,

You may share your heart;

Otherwise, don't come near us,

Or you'll burden our already-broken heart.

God is tender, God is kind;

He faithfully ministers to my broken heart.

Be thankful I put my faith in the only One

Who keeps me from tearing you apart...!


~~~

"There are just no words...no words at all that can express what it feels like when your child leaves this earth. It is an all consuming, overwhelming feeling that doesn't go away--Ever."

~Grieving Mother, Jill Compton

Poem - To the Naysayers of Our Grief - Angie and Tommy Prince - 4/12/2013

Top Picture, thanks to ~Remembering Loved Ones
Bottom Picture, Thanks to grieving Mother, Jill Compton via ~Angels at My Door

Friday's Faith - Grief's Cry

Friday's Faith

Grief's Cry

When my soul is in the dumps, I rehearse

everything I know of You,

From Jordan depths to Hermon heights,

including Mount Mizar.

Chaos calls to chaos,

to the tune of whitewater rapids.

Your breaking surf, your thundering breakers

crash and crush me.

Then GOD promises to love me all day,

sing songs all through the night!

My life is God's prayer.

Psalm 42:8

~The Message

We need language to tell us who we are, how we feel, what we're capable of---to explain the pains and glory of our existence.

~Maya Angelou

Grief's Cry

Agitated, irritable, striking out it seems,

Feeling~inside~I'm falling apart at the seams.

Angry at anyone, and yet really at no one,

Aggravated most of all: today, my anger won.

What is this angst about, and how did it come on?

At one point, my heart so content, but then it, my grief did own:

"You cannot live out normal days;

For now, you're groped by Grief's daft daze."

Hopeless my daunting mood to break,

I lie down merely hours before Daybreak;

Too wound-up to sleep, I lie here wide awake,

Fearful I am attending, for "normal life," a wake…

(Alack, alas, keep loved ones away, I pray,

Unless by insidious meanness, them, I start to prey.)

Dear God in Heaven, please break through,

My heart, so peeved, my life, it threw.

I don't want any beloved ones to see

How DARK life is in the depths of Grief's Stark Sea.

Hold my heart, whisper words of love down;

Hide me gently underneath Your feathers' gentle down,

(For only Love can melt this hardened shell of mine)

And fill it full of Treasures from God's Infinite Love's Own Mine,

Treasures that include Your deep, and sweet, abiding peace

That gently reassembles, in my heart, each broken piece,

Once split apart by Death's own crushing grate,

Until I can be rewoven by Your Own Soothing Love so Great!

Cleanse my heart, and break it, then make it completely new

By my Loving Savior God that I once (and ever) knew.

Poem - Grief's Cry - Angie Bennett Prince - 10/18/2012 3:30 - 4:30 a.m.

In response to my poem above, my husband's therapeutic and kind response to me, knowing our post-Child-Loss state:

We are still learning how our lives now function: (I am still learning) whether I can deal with certain things or not; I am still discovering what I can and cannot deal with amidst Child-Loss Grief.

~Tommy Prince

Pictures, thanks to Grieving Mother - Jill Compton, and "Wings of Hope-Living Forward" via Jill Compton

Tuesday's Trust - Time for Some Major Weed Killing… - Agitation Amidst Grief's Identity Crisis

Tuesday's Trust

Time for Some Major Weed Killing…

Agitation Amidst Grief's Identity Crisis

Yes, it's time for some major weed killing… not only in my gardens, but Sunday morning revealed to me the horrific need for some major weed killing… in my heart. I am so ANGRY!!! (Is anyone else angry in their grief? Aaaagh!)

First of all, I don't know who I am these days...

Who am I physically?

With all the grief, I don't even know what size clothes I wear! It's hard to buy clothes when you don't know who you are physically any more. I have dwindled down to almost nothing, and have to make sure I even remember to eat. (For example, today is Sunday, it is right now 4:39 in the afternoon, and I have eaten NOTHING so far! I forget to eat!!!) And I have to work out daily with aerobic exercise to help my poor brain that is trying to overcome this intensive trauma we've all experienced…

Who am I spiritually?

Grief has sent me into plumbing the depths of The Person of God, so I feel that I am much deeper spiritually as Child-Loss Grief really requires a deeper faith and trust. But how does God put up with me on a day like today when I've just about thrown everything out the window that He has diligently taught me? He is so loving and so patient, and I am so unworthy, but as He said, He doesn't come to call the righteous, but to call sinners unto Him… (Thank You God for Your undying love and grace!!!)

Who am I emotionally?

And what is my life's work now that I have been severely traumatized?

I am spent emotionally. My heart is just broken. I am easily triggered. I am easily offended (grief does a great job of exposing who our genuine friends and loved ones are, because we CANNOT tolerate hard hearts around us… AT ALL! If you're mean-spirited, in the least, SCRAM!).

And what is my life's work? What work can I actually do? I am a psychotherapist, specially trained in intensive trauma cases, THE most difficult to treat, THE most dangerous to treat, THE most harrowing to treat, THE most arduous to treat. Have you ever heard of the diagnostic term, "Borderline Personality Disorder" (BPD)? Severe trauma cases include this disorder, and the diagnosis itself causes most therapists, even the kindest of souls, to REFUSE to render treatment to such individuals; these clients will test you and try you and manipulate you and lie to you and threaten you, even worse-- threaten to harm themselves if they're upset with you, etc. etc. etc. (Actually, it makes perfect sense for them to test their therapist so adamantly, as life has treated them horribly, so why should they expect to be able to trust a therapist? Why should they take the risk to let anyone else get close to them? Why should they think the therapist will be any different from all of the abusers in their life? But still…) It is treacherous territory for the therapist, and I have to ask myself, do I really have the emotional stamina for this any more? Who knows?

But I have called around, and all of the other Christian psychotherapists in this city REFUSE to take on another borderline, ever. I even called a psychiatrist this week who very graciously taught me to work with such cases many many years ago, (he admitted to me at the time that no graduate schools teach us how to do this work because they think it is so rare (it actually is NOT), so for those of us who dare to walk the arduous journey with these hurting clients, we all have had to learn to do this work by 'on-the-job' training). But then the psychiatrist admitted to me when I tracked him down this week,

"Angie, I gave up on these people a long time ago; they just seemed to get worse and worse, and there is no medication to 'fix' the disorder."

(Of course there isn't, he agreed; it is only treatable with psychotherapy, and psychiatrists don't do psychotherapy!) But he does at least does try to treat some of their symptoms, and I'll take that. It was just majorly disappointing that the one mental health professional I have found in this town who understands these precious souls better than any others, really, has given up on them!!! (I feel like the Annie Sullivan (Macy) who worked so closely with Helen Keller when things often felt impossible; the disorder is as volatile a situation as that, but more!) So BPD is my specialty as well as its counterpart DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) - picture Sybil… Very heavy duty emotional work, but now I am trying to do it as a Grieving Mother???? Can that even be done???

And then, I have to tangle with the insurance companies who really don't like the idea of intensive treatment for anyone, and IF they will allow the intensive treatment (which is certainly what these disorders require), they will barely pay you anything for it… Aaagh. (And as you know, it is hard enough for us to make a living these days with our own grief forcing us to pound out a different way of working than before the death of our child.)

{After writing the rough draft of this post yesterday -- and before posting it publicly -- today my client's insurance company graciously rose to the challenge they see that is involved in this young woman's life, and are assisting me in a much more gracious manner. God does move mountains when we submit to Him! (He had quite a few things to point out to me yesterday to get me off my "high horse" before I called the insurance company today to see if we could negotiate a more equitable arrangement...) And then, it seems to me, HE moved a mighty big mountain on mine and my client's behalf!!! (Thank You, God!!!)}

Well, back to yesterday, at the height of my angst, I totally took all of this pent-up frustration out on the one person who would take it from me… which happens to be the same person who least deserves to catch it from me, and that is… my loving husband. Wow. Ain't grief fun? Let's just dump this animosity on another grieving parent - way to go, Ang! Fortunately he loves me, and we are making our way through it, but ouch. What is this antagonizing anger that is overtaking my heart??? Time to find the weed kill spray! And quick!

Pictures, thanks to "Grandma's Laughs and Tid Bits" on Facebook, and for grieving mother, M. H. for sharing them with me :0)

Friday's Faith - Grrr.... Forgiving Spirit when ROWLED up...?

Friday's Faith

Grrr.... Forgiving Spirit when ROWLED up...?

What do you do when a friend or acquaintance or colleague calls you FIVE YEARS AFTER YOUR CHILD'S DEATH (to respond to something you had to ask them), and for the FIRST TIME in all those FIVE YEARS says on a recorded message, after going into great detail about one subject, gives an oh-by-the-way quip:

"You guys have been so much in my thoughts and prayers,"

and then quickly moves on to the next subject. My gut reaction is,

"Oh Really Now!!!!"

How can people feel compassion for such a hellacious loss and not communicate that compassion IN SOME FORM before five years are up???

I've had to do a lot of soul-searching before God to calm myself down, praying to God to enable me to have a forgiving spirit. I don't think I can be kind in this circumstance without God's help...

What say you? I would love some feedback on this one!!! Quick! Or like these little dogs, I just might tear into somebody!

http://funnyunderline.com/dogs_031.html

Wednesday's Woe - For Grieving Parents: A Holly, Jolly Christmas?! We think Not! ~Tommy Prince

Wednesday's Woe

A Holly, Jolly Christmas?! We think Not!

~Tommy Prince

Tis the season to be jolly? We think not! Not when you've had a precious child die! So who is sick of hearing the sentimentalized songs playing everywhere? Let's just write a few of our own. After all, this is a MAN-MADE holiday that has very little to do with the actual birth of our Savior ~ THAT we can all celebrate, for God IS with us in our grief, and His coming marks the coming END to death, dying, and destruction we all have had to suffer, as well as the coming restoration to the bodies of our beautiful children who know our Living Lord.

But to the sentimentalized version of the holiday, most of us do want to decry,

"BAH, Humbug!"

Our new friend and fellow grieving mother, Diane (BigD) rewrote some Christmas lyrics on her blog which we think you need to see...

http://dancindianern.blogspot.com/

Her writing of "Jingle Hell" inspired us, so Tommy decided to rewrite a few lyrics of his own:

If you are a Grieving Parent, you might want to replace the lyrics to Holly, Jolly Christmas with the ones Tommy crafted below these original lyrics which we have struck out as they certainly do not apply to us grieving parents!

Have a holly jolly Christmas

It's the best time of the year

Well I don't know if there'll be snow

But have a cup of cheer

Have a holly jolly Christmas

And when you walk down the street

Say hello to friends you know

And everyone you meet

Ho ho the mistletoe

Hung where you can see

Somebody waits for you

Kiss her once for me

Have a holly jolly Christmas

And in case you didn't hear

Oh by golly

Have a holly

Jolly Christmas this year

Have a holly jolly Christmas

And when you walk down the street

Say hello to friends you know

And everyone you meet

Have a holly jolly Christmas

And in case you didn't hear

Oh by golly

Have a holly

Jolly Christmas this year

Tommy's Rendition of A Holly Jolly Christmas:

Have a Holly, Folly Christmas!

~Tommy Prince

(Dictionary ~ Folly: from the Old French folie, translated madness)

Have a Holly, Folly Christmas;

It's the worst time of the year

You want to tell folks to go

And blow it out their ear ~

So Have a Holly, Folly Christmas,

And when you're walkin' down the street,

Say "Bite me!" to friends you know,

All else, "Take a flyin' leap!"

Oh ho

The mistletoe

You shot up in the tree;

Don't have a clue what I'm goin' through?

Slap 'em once for me!

So have a Holly, Folly Christmas

And in case you didn't hear

Oh by golly

Have a Holly

Folly Christmas this year...

Have a Holly, Folly Christmas;

It's the worst time of the year...

So Have a Holly, Folly Christmas,

And when you're walkin' down the street,

Say "Bite me!" to friends you know,

All else, "Take a flyin' leap!"

Oh ho

The mistletoe

You shot up in the tree;

Don't have a clue what I'm goin' through?

Slap 'em once for me!

So have a Holly, Folly Christmas

And in case you didn't hear

Oh by golly

Have a Holly

Folly Christmas this year...

(And be sure to blow it out your ear!)

(as the background music plays:)

...Jingle Hell, Jingle Hell, Jingle all the way...

as inspired by BigD of www.dancindianern.com

Picture: FotoSearch.com

Music Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8T3--oD1f0Q&feature=related

New lyrics inspired by fellow grieving mother, Diane:

http://dancindianern.blogspot.com/2010/12/who-cares.html