Tuesday's Trust - Telling Our Story: Our Truth versus Their Denial

Tuesday's Trust

Telling Our Story: 

Our Truth versus Their Denial

How is it we face Death's reality

When others march illusively along,

And yet when we face our mortality,

By admitting our weakness, we are strong?

In a single blow, Death shattered our illusions,

For we abruptly learned a child could die,

But others still cling to their delusions

And beg us ~ by their denial ~ to lie:

"Tell us you've not been thrown in Hell's pit,

Daily grieving the loss of your child;

Buck up! Cheer up! For I cannot bear it!

Your broken heart makes me see Satan's wiles…

It unleashes upon me some hell on earth

To see a mother can be parted from her child

When with empty arms, she questions her worth

And cannot function in this world for such a long while."

But we ~ we who by Death have been vilely robbed…

Cling to our truth ~ "Yes! Our child has died,

Wrenching our hearts till we sob and sob.

 Our LOVE is too large to succumb to your lie;

We can no longer 'play pretend'

When life as we knew it has come to an end!"

And yet I observe a transformation

As we daily face the Truth that stopped our life:

Our tears call down Comfort ~God's restoration~

Love carries us in our grief as with Death we strive.

Love embraces the love in this mother's heart;

His tears with mine start to co-mingle.

For love of my child, He did His own part:

He gave up His child, His single Son

Which unleashed enough of His tears to fill the River of Life

Empowering His Child and mine to end death's strife,

Both restored to His arms to live their everlasting life!

Embracing such Truth sets this mother free

Despite the fact that I still shed many-a-tear;

Love's comfort empow'rs me to live my life here,

While Love's death paved a way for my child and me

To live together with Love for all eternity!

Picture, thanks to Grieving Mother, K.G.
Poem - Telling Our Story: Our Truth versus Their Denial - Angie Bennett Prince - 5/28/2012

Wednesday's Woe - Grief's Insurrection

Wednesday's Woe

Grief's Insurrection:

Grief's Relief Map

to

Heart-Welfare's Insurrection

It seems Grief provides a certain "relief,"

A relief that provides a sure reprieve.

People you once treated kind, would bring Grief...

Grief's Clarity of Mind would bring reprieve.

Grief's Clarity of Mind would seem to show

Flaws in Character you once would ignore.

Fragility of Heart demands to Know,

Not allowing Denial anymore....

For just as one learns on his Sickness Bed,

Allowing sickness germs would leave one...Dead,

So Character Germs...once tolerated,

Intensive Care deems...be Decimated.

For Emotional Health to be resurrected,

Demands Character-Germs be detected,

Else one becomes further Germ-Infected...

Grief's Clarity provides Germ Detection

To deter Heart-wrenching Germ-Infection...

Germ-Warfare yields Heart-Welfare's Insurrection!

Picture: Thank you to Hoang Nguyen http://bit.ly/cqVhGe

Poem - Grief's Insurrection - Angie Bennett Prince - 3/31/10

Thursday's Therapy - Ways We Grieve, Part Five - Horowitz's Model of Loss/Adaptation

Thursday's Therapy

Ways We Grieve

Part Five

Horowitz's Model of Loss/Adaptation

Psychiatrist Mardi Horowitz divides the process of normal grief into "stages of loss." These stages are typical, but they don't occur for everyone or always in this exact order.

• Outcry. People often get extremely upset when they first realize that they have lost someone important. They may publicly scream and yell; cry and collapse. Alternatively, they may hold their distress inside and not share it with others. Outcry feelings may be suppressed in order to decrease the intensity of the feelings, or they may spill out uncontrollably. In either case, initial outcry feelings take lots of energy to sustain and tend to last for only a short period of time.

• Denial and Intrusion. As people move past the initial outcry stage, they will often enter a period characterized by movement between 'denial' and 'intrusion.' On one end of the continuum, people distract themselves so thoroughly with other activities and thoughts that they don't think about the loss (Denial). At the opposite end of the continuum, the loss is felt very strongly, almost as intensely as during the initial outcry stage (Intrusion). It is normal for people to bounce between these opposites of denial and intrusion. People may also feel guilty when they experience the denial portion of the continuum (out of fear that they may be betraying their lost loved one by not remaining faithful to them). It is important to keep in mind that the presence of some medium amount of denial is not so much a betrayal as it is a sign that healing of the emotional wound created by the loss has begun. Denial serves to decrease the intensity of feelings so they are more manageable and less overwhelming.

• Working Through. As time goes by (days, weeks, months), the movement between denial and intrusion slows down and becomes less pronounced, with people spending more time not thinking about or feeling the loss, and less time being overwhelmed by it. During the working through stage, people start to figure out new ways to exist without the lost relationship. Plans and goals during this stage might include making preparations to date again (or just starting to think about it - assuming the loved one was a spouse), developing new friendships and strengthening existing ones, finding new hobbies, engaging in new projects, etc.

• Completion. At some point (months, years), the process of grieving is completed or rather, "completed enough", so that life has started to feel normal again. While memories remain of what has been lost, the feeling attached to the loss is less painful and no longer regularly interferes with the person's life. Temporary reactivation of grief feelings may occur on important anniversaries (marriage dates, birthdays, holidays, etc.), but such upwelling of hurt feelings tend to be temporary in nature.