Blessed Father's Day

Knowing you were blessed to be a father,

May you have a blessed Father's Day...

******

Found on Facebook this week:

Grieving Father Patrick T. Malone says,

We (from the Compassionate Friends/USA) found a quote that American philosopher, essayist, and poet Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote upon the death of his son...

Emerson wrote this poem in 1842 when his son died of Scarlet Fever. Prior to that his first wife had died in 1831, a brother in 1834 and another in 1836. So he knew grief well and knew the impact of the death of a child.

Like many of us, he felt all was lost at that moment in time. Perhaps the bigger lesson Emerson has left us is that he did the greatest work for the 30 years after the death of his son.

So while it may be hard to believe for many who are experiencing the searing pain associated with the death of their child, perhaps your best work is yet to come.

My son, a perfect little boy of five years and three months, had ended his earthly life. You can never sympathize with me; you can never know how much of me such a young child can take away. A few weeks ago I accounted myself a very rich man, and now the poorest of all.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

******

Child-loss Grievers' Comments to Emerson's quote:

~"When it is your child.. a part of you dies also.! I have had to learn to live."

One man said...~"My sister asked how I'll spend Father's Day. Ignoring it.

Another grieving father said, ~

"I have the same feeling to most holidays. I find family gatherings to be very difficult still. At my parents' 60th Anniversary party last year my group provided the music and I spent the entire time playing and not having to think about Kev not being there."

a mother~"

I felt poor like I lost everything.

When I hear fights over material things and people spending so much of their time trying to gather and collec (sic) things it makes me ill thinking how that time is so wasted. We can't take any of it with us except the love we give and get."

~"

No one can truly ever understand unless they go through it. The hole is not closeable nor repairable. With us, because of Bryant's unique abilities and his disabilities, many people felt "sorry" for us and him ~ those types will never understand how incredible a gift he was and is."

Another man: ~"

This is so true. My whole life has been ripped apart, and will never be whole again."

~"

It's like walking around with your guts hanging out - an artery severed - and still trying to participate in life - they - only allow you so much time to grieve - then - they look at you funny -"

A grieving mother~"No one will ever know how much of me left when my beautiful son did...so unfair, so cruel, so painful."

A grieving father~"

This is so true. My whole life has been ripped apart, and will never be whole again."

~"

The loss of Ben has me empty as well. How can this be?"

A Grieving father~"Since my son died nine long months ago, I have tried to verbalize the absolutely paralyzing sorrow that overtakes me at the mere mention of his name. Emerson's quote finally puts words to my feelings. "You can never know how much of me such a young child can take away." Nothing can or will ever bring light back to the empty dark corner of my life that was once illuminated by Andrew (his 18 year old son).

~The wave of sorrow stops my happiness. the child, gone from my sight, forever in Gods arms.

A mother grieving for her son and her grieving husband~"My heart hurts for my Husband as Fathers Day approaches as my heart hurt on Mothers Day. These are such hard things to overcome."

~ Son, we definately (sic) were RICH with you here, poor without you......but, God has you and will bring us together again. Great quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson. Wishing all you fathers a peaceful Father's Day.

~"i totally agree with this statement ..i find that since each way a child passes away is different no one can truly understand the depth of a parents loss...."

A father writes, ~"This quote pretty much sums up what is in my heart each and every day!"

~"Fathers (and mothers) grieve forever."

~"I hope all the dads get through this fathers day !!!!"

~"Beautiffully (sic) put! So perfect. The space left behind with the loss of my son is now a black void in my world. I may survive, but it will never be filled."

~"To all the Father's out there who have loss (sic) a child, we (moms) sometimes forget that you have suffered like we have. Happy Father's Day!"

~"So true and so beautifully put. The loss of a child leaves a void that NOTHING can replace. I just found out when I lost my precious daughter two years ago. I miss her more and more every day."

~"Thanks, Patrick. Wise, encouraging words. I love Emerson; knowing his best work happened after the death of his son is strengthening. I promised myself and my son that I wouldn't let his death negatively define me forever and while some days are better than others, I often feel his support as I move forward, creating a new and different life."

Thank you Patrick for the wonderful and insightful quote. May God bless all of us grieving mothers and fathers on Father's Day. My heart breaks for each of you.

http://www.magickalgraphics.com/fathers-day-comments3.htm

Thursday's Therapy - Let People Help You

Thursday's Therapy

You Need to Let People Help You

from

A TCF Speech – 8 Things I’ve Learned About the Grief of a Grieving Parent

by Charlie Walton

Part Six of Eight

First, a Side Note of Interest...

What a "small" world:

This week I received a “tweet” from a new friend I met on Twitter… It reads,

@AngiePrince Hi Angie We served in missions w/ Charlie Walton-His son Don lived with us in Honduras. Great kid! Sorry about ur loss-peace

and then this "tweet"--

@AngiePrince We always remember/miss Don Walton. He helped us drive a school bus from La. to Honduras & lived in our home w/ us in Honduras

How sweet to hear from missionaries I have never "met" but only on Twitter to tell me about a precious deceased child Don, of another man, Charlie Walton, whom I have never "met" but only through The Compassionate Friends, Atlanta whose meetings I have never attended in person and yet they accept me as a member through Facebook...

It seems this huge world is getting smaller and smaller to us every day as we are able to intimately get to know and love others without ever getting to meet them in person! Thank You Lord for Your amazing gifts of creativity like the internet that allows us to "connect" in such deep ways with folks we otherwise may have never gotten to meet!

Sunday, July 6, 2003 - TCF National Conference Closing Speech by Charlie Walton

Part Six

6. YOU NEED TO LET PEOPLE HELP YOU.

And speaking of tuna casseroles, that brings me to something else I have learned. You need to let people help you. Somewhere inside the human brain, there must be a little sign hanging on the wall that says "A tuna casserole will make things better."

People want to do something to help... and bringing food is the first thing that pops into their heads.

And, unless you want a lifetime supply of tuna casseroles, you'd better give them permission to do things, tangible things, things that will make them feel like they are helping.

I have heard a lot of people talk about how their friends came around immediately after the tragedy but never came back. What they usually forget is that those people said,

"If there is anything we can do to help, anything, please let us know."

Now, some of them don't really mean it, but a lot of them do.

Maybe a day comes when you are thinking "There is no way I can face the decisions at the grocery store today." Pick up the phone and tell one of your friends, "Remember what you said about helping? Well, would that include something as weird as stopping by the grocery store to pick up a few things for a basket-case who is not yet emotionally ready to see her child's favorite food on the shelf?"

Let people do things. They don't know how to provide grief counseling... but they know how to mow grass.

A friend of ours tells a wonderful story about going to console a grieving parent and saying as she was leaving, "Is there anything I can do to help?" And that parent said,

"You won't believe this but, on top of everything else, our washing machine just quit working. Is there any way you would be willing to wash a load of clothes for us?"

Our friend says that it was the most enjoyable load of clothes she had ever washed. She washed. She dried. She folded each piece lovingly. She felt so good at being able to do something tangible that felt like it was helping.

So, let people help you.

Thank you to Charlie who ministers to us amidst his deep grief over the loss of his son Don...

******

And, speaking of “You Need to Let People Help You,”

I don’t know who wrote this lovely poem, but perhaps it was written by a loving person who wanted to tangibly show his/her love for grieving parents in the only way s/he knew how. May we “let this person help” our grief with this very special poem, given anonymously!

"I'll lend you for a little while, 


a child of mine" God said,


"for you to love the while she lives,


and mourn for when she's dead.



It may be two or three short years,


or twenty-two or three,


but will you, till I call her back,


take care of her for me?



She'll bring her charms to gladden you,


and should her stay be brief,


you'll have her lovely memories


as solace for your grief.



I cannot promise she will stay,


since all from earth return,


but there are lessons taught down there


I want this child to learn.



I've looked the wide world over


in my search for teacher's true,


and from the throngs that crowd life's lanes,


I have selected you.



Now will you give her all your love?


Nor think the labor vain?


Nor hate me when I come to call,


to take her back again?"



God fancied he heard the parents say,


"Dear Lord, thy will be done.


For all the joy the child shall bring,


the risk of grief I'll run.



I'll shelter her with tenderness,


I'll love her while I may, 


and for the happiness I've known


forever grateful I'll stay.



But should the angels call for her,


much sooner than I planned,


I'll brave the bitter grief that comes,


and try to understand."

~Unknown

Wednesday's Woe - Grief and Trauma Overwhelms

Grief & trauma overwhelms & energy is often depleted~

Keeping a head above the water can be a struggle...

~Danielle Helms

**********

Please click the link below, and watch the video.
(If you are not already my Facebook Friend, I would love to have you join me!)

Get some tissues; you may cry - I did...all the way through it! So touching and precious.

http://www.facebook.com/p.php?i=1276806040&k=Z4BZQ5Q2Q5TFWBMIQBY4Y5PQVQJAX22E&oid=1256075279362

**********

Grief Is Like Despair, Sucking Our World of All Its Air

(Jesus) will reply,

"Whatever you did not do for one of the least of these,

you did not do for Me."

Matthew 25:45

“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.”

Charles Dickens

Help me Lord to faithful be

To open the eyes of the blind, to help them see—

Oppress-ed souls bowed down with grief

Blinded by pain, burdened down with hurt, finding no relief—

Father, Grief is like despair,

sucking our world of all its air,

It’s so hard to breathe:

Gloom so heavy sits upon our souls—we cannot function with no reprieve.

Come Lord Jesus, send Your compassion raining down,

Refreshing our soul, soothing our frown.

Draw closer into Your bosom our grieving, bleeding hearts—

To breathe in the comfort Your sweet Love imparts;

Seal the many gaping holes of our Death-ravaged hearts,

Pierced through repeatedly with Satan’s poison-laced darts.

Anxiety overtakes us in Death’s dark wake

As we see visions of violence our loved ones did partake

On the night of their death-watch, their bodies were left—

Bereft . . .

As their precious bodies, their spirits were forced to

Forsake.

Our bodies too are restless—from so many nightmares we awake

As we’ve been thrown into the harsh realities of this sin-riddled world

That ravaged and destroyed our precious boy or girl—

Our souls are sent reeling, pulled under into Death’s down-sucking eddy

Where no relief seems possible as our souls sink

Further

And

Further

Under

Grief’s

Drowning

Lead.

Folks say—But life goes on. . .

But we say—Oh yeah? How?

As our souls drop deeper and drift out farther

Sucked out into Death’s deep, darkened water

As if trapped in a runaway, sinking ship,

Our souls clutched in its death-hold grip

In Grief’s cold, stark bow,

Dragged further and further from shore, our anchor finds no bottom now.

Lord, we’ll go completely under unless Your Spirit rescues us—now.

Save us

in the clutch

of Your Death-defying,

Life-restoring

Spirit—

Come, Lord Jesus, some way, somehow,

..Save us.............................................................Now.

.........From......................................................Lord

.................... Sorrow’s...........................Please

.............................Seemingly Bottomless Waters

http://twitpic.com/ebsxy Picture by Danielle Helms, Fellow Grieving Mother and Friend

Poem - Grief Is Like Despair, Sucking Our World of All Its Air - Written 7/15/08 - Angie Bennett Prince