Monday's Mourning Ministry-Shine Your Mourning Light into Our Broken Temples, For It's Hard to See Heaven While Living in Hell/Never Alone~Barlow Girl

Monday's Mourning Ministry

Shine Your Mourning Light into Our Broken Temples,

For It's Hard to See Heaven While Living in Hell

/
Never Alone ~Barlow Girl

This week, we will take a look at the spiritual train-wreck most of us have experienced upon the death of our child, when everything we once firmly stood on as our very firm foundation in the Lord is brought into question at the very time our foundation needs to be the most secure and steady. The psychological community characterizes this phenomenon as "The Challenge to All of Our Assumptive Beliefs" when we have been thrown into major trauma.

So today's poem addresses some of that scrambled spiritual foundation that many of us experience. And today's song addresses that same phenomenon that even Jesus experienced in His death on the cross when He cried out, "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?" (~Matthew 26:46, Mark 15:34, as Jesus quote the scripture from Psalm 22:1)

Silence the uproar of anguish that rages
Since Death's shroud enfolded our precious child...
Wipe away the tears from all of our faces
As our keening cries leave our spirits riled...


Temples...You built in our hearts, now broken?
Faith...You once carved, is now split asunder?
Foundations...formed, now thoroughly shaken?
Our spirits...emptied like vile Thief's plunder?
Life finds us heaped in a pile of rubble
Since Death's sheet fell with torment and trouble.


Our spirits mourn, our heart ever whimpers
Please shine Your Light into our broken temples.
If ever we need You, we need You now,
Please Lord attend us while weeping we bow.
Since into our beautiful lives, Hell fell,
It's hard to see Heaven while living in Hell.


We waste away in onslaught to our souls
As terror and dread and sorrow betray.
Though successfully climbing from Grief's holes,
We find only snares outside Grief's pits lay...
We're blown down again by Death's ruthless breath,
Drowned in Grief's floodgates, upon our child's death.


Wiped out by death, barely whisp'ring a prayer,
As a woman-with-child about to give birth
Writhes and cries out when her body won't bear ~
No greater torment is heard through the earth...
When we can't bring salvation to our child ~
Once hopeful in trust, we now feel beguiled...


Our spirits mourn, our heart ever whimpers
Shine Your Light into our broken temples.
If ever we need You, we need You now,
Please Lord attend us while weeping we bow.
Since into our beautiful lives, Hell fell,
It's hard to see Heaven while living in Hell.


Surely our God will reach out and save us ~
Lord, our souls yearn for You midst Grief's Dark Night.
You're our Safe Tower into which we can run;
Shelter our souls with Your Mourning Light.
We wait for You ~ Your name and renown, our delight.


We beg You dear God for Your Mourning Light
To soothe and comfort; please show paths through our plight.


And to my complaints, our Lord lovingly says,

"Though dead, Your child lives! Her body will rise!
They who dwell in dust, wake up, shout for joy ~
For God in His Heaven vile Death defies,
I save My children, each girl and each boy!
As Love rains like dew, earth gives birth to her dead,
Disclosing from earth, your children's blood shed,
Concealed no longer, My children rise from th' dead!"


Carry us now through Grief's sordid pain,
While trusting through tears, our child we'll regain.
We'll meet them Someday on the other Shore
Where we'll sing Your praises forevermore!


Surely our God reaches out to save us ~
Lord, our souls yearn for You midst Grief's Dark Night!
You're our Safe Tower into which we will run,
Shelter our souls with Your Mourning Light...
We wait for You ~ Your name and renown, our Delight.


Our spirits mourn, our heart ever whimpers
Shine Your Mourning Light into our broken temples.
If ever we need You, we need You now!
Please Lord attend us while weeping we bow.
Since into our beautiful lives, Hell fell,
It's hard to see Heaven while living in Hell.


Carry us now through Grief's sordid pain,
While trusting through tears, our child we'll regain...
We'll meet them Someday on the other Shore
Where together we'll sing Your praise evermore!


Thank You dear God for Your Mourning Light...
You soothe, You comfort, You show Your paths through our plight...

*****

The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.

~Proverbs 18:10

My poem was inspired by the very poetic writing found in Isaiah, chapters 25 and 26

On this mountain He will destroy the shroud that enfolds all peoples, the sheet that covers all nations; He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears from all faces; He will remove the disgrace of His people from all the earth. The LORD has spoken.

~Isaiah 25:7-8

My God, my God, why have You forsaken me? Why are You so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry out by day, but You do not answer, by night, and am not silent.

~Psalm 22:1-2 (a psalm of King David)

*****


Never Alone ~Barlow Girl




"Never Alone"

~Barlow Girl


I waited for you today
But you didn't show
No no no
I needed You today
So where did You go?
You told me to call
Said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?


[Chorus:]

I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I"m never alone


And though I cannot see You
And I can't explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life


We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen


[Chorus]
I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I"m never alone


We cannot separate
You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen


[Chorus]
I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I"m never alone

*****

The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

~Deuteronomy 31:8

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.

~Lamentations 3:22

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

~2 Corinthians 4:18

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

~Psalm 23:4

Poem - Shine Your Mourning Light into Our Broken Temples, for It's Hard to See Heaven While Living in Hell - Angie Bennett Prince - 9/19/10
Song - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdAMAbb3oUA&feature=fvw

Thursday's Therapy -10 Major Reactions Physically Indicative of Responses to Stress After Your Child's Traumatic Death ~Therese A. Rando, Ph.D. Part 9

Angie, Dr. Therese Rando, and Tommy, July 2010

Thursday's Therapy

10 Major Reactions Physically Indicative of

Responses to Stress

After Your Child's Traumatic Death

~Therese A. Rando, Ph.D., Complicated Mourning, Part Nine

10 Major Reactions Physically Indicative of Responses to Stress After Your Child's Traumatic Death

• Reduced immune response
  
• General feeling of being unwell (more on this another time...)
• Constellation of vague, diffuse physical complaints, sometimes experienced in waves lasting minutes to hours or as diverse aches and pains
• Distressing physical reactions when exposed to
• reminders of the loved one (see our comment below),
• the death,
• events associated with it, and/or
• other painful reactions to the loss
  

• Increased vulnerability to illness and/or physical risk
  
• Gastrointestinal Symptoms
• Cardiopulmonary symptoms
• Symptoms that appear to be neurological in nature, but aren't
• Hair loss
• Pain

Rando, 2011 (In Press)

We are sensitized to what we see of hers each and every day. We have all numbers of her pictures placed out in our den, our living room, our bedroom, etc. But when we step into the "play room" downstairs and move a few things around, invariably we will stumble across a completely different photo of her, and it can bring us to our knees. We experience an immediate pain~the reality of her absence stabs us in the heart~ It's like a blatant reminder of The Presence of her Absence and it kills us all over again...

Next week, we will attempt to discuss some of the Spiritual Effects of our child's traumatic death. We welcome you to email us at mothergrieving (at) gmail (dot) com to share some spiritual impacts of your child's death on you before we write these up next Thursday. We look forward to hearing from you!

Meanwhile, may our Lord's tender presence be with you as He holds you in His arms, ever catching your tears into His nail-scarred hands, so scarred out of His love for you and for your beloved child.

Picture and Content: From workshop of Therese A. Rando, Ph.D, BCETS, BCBT July 9-10, 2010 in "Clinical Interventions in Grief and Mourning," and "Intervening After Sudden and Traumatic Death: Contending with a Special Type of Complicated Mourning," used with permission of the author

Thursday's Therapy -15 Major Reactions Physically Indicating Depression After Your Child's Traumatic Death ~Dr. Therese A. Rando, Complicated Mourning

Thursday's Therapy

15 Major Reactions Physically Indicating

Depression

After Your Child's Traumatic Death

~Therese A. Rando, Ph.D., Complicated Mourning, Part Eight

15 Major Reactions Physically Indicating Depression After Your Child's Traumatic Death

• Anorexia or Appetite disturbance leading to Weight Loss or Weight Gain; food doesn't taste right and is difficult to eat
• Increase or decrease in Sexual interest or activity
• Crying and tearfulness
• Feeling as if there is a "Lump" in the throat
• Tendency to Sigh
• Fatigue
• Physical Exhaustion
• Decreased Energy, lack of vigor, lethargy
• Lack of Strength
• Feelings of Emptiness
• Feelings of Heaviness
• Slowdown in overall Movement
• Agitation in overall Movement
• Increased Physical Vulnerability
• Increased Physical Risk (Accident Prone)

Rando, 2011 (In Print)

Many of the above are normal reactions to grief and/or trauma, and are not necessarily pathological! But many can also be found in grievers who are clinically depressed. Some of these reactions are simply indicative of how grief/trauma takes its toll on us.

For example, grief-work in-and-of-itself is exhausting. Deep-trauma-work with which I have walked through with many of my clients is also very exhausting, and I try to forewarn my clients of this phenomenon. When we journey down into the traumatic memories, it can be excruciatingly painful for my clients. After these sessions, they find they are exhausted and require much more sleep than usual. What a good example of how our body-soul-heart-spirit-and-mind are so intimately connected!

So please precious child-loss grievers, may we be gentle on ourselves through this horrific and trying child-loss grief/trauma process! Much love to each of you on your journey.

*****

Thank you to Dr. Therese Rando for her kind permission in using excerpts from her workshop for professionals that Tommy and I attended in July. Her contributions to the grief and trauma field are invaluable. And her contributions for us child-loss grievers are incredibly helpful... As I told Dr. Rando, even though she has never been through child-loss (thank the dear Lord), she "gets it" as to much of what we child-loss grievers are contending. She is one of the few therapists in the field about whom I can say that, and she has been so gracious to share herself and her expertise with us. For that, I am so very grateful.

Picture and Content From workshop of Therese A. Rando, Ph.D, BCETS, BCBT July 9-10, 2010 in "Clinical Interventions in Grief and Mourning," and "Intervening After Sudden and Traumatic Death: Contending with a Special Type of Complicated Mourning," used with permission of the author

Thursday's Therapy - 30 Major Reactions Physically Indicating Anxiety After Your Child's Traumatic Death ~Therese A. Rando, PhD, Complicated Mourning

Thursday's Therapy

30 Major Reactions Physically Indicating

Anxiety

After Your Child's Traumatic Death

~Therese A. Rando, Ph.D., Complicated Mourning, Part Seven

The following are just the physiological symptoms you may have in your Child-loss Grief that will lead toward Anxiety. (We will examine symptoms that lead to depression, etc. next week.) I have been shocked when I have exhibited many of these anxious-type symptoms, and yet, it stands to reason:

Never in my life have I been subjected to such torment as I have in losing my child, losing her suddenly, and losing her violently.

Why should I be surprised my poor body is reeling and anxious over such a tormenting experience?!

30 Major Reactions Physically Indicating Anxiety After the Traumatic Death of Your Child

Motor Tension

• Trembling, shaking, twitching, nervous energy, "jumpy," foot/leg shaking, finger drumming
• Muscle tension, aches, soreness
• Teeth grinding, clenched jaw
• Easily fatigued, exhaustion
• Headache
• Restlessness and searching for something to do

Autonomic Hyperactivity (Being "revved up")

• Anxiety, tension, nervousness
• Heart palpitations, rapid heartbeat
• Shallow and rapid breathing, shortness of breath
• Numbness, tingling sensations
• Smothering sensations
• Dizziness, unsteady feelings, faintness, lightheadedness
• Dry mouth
• Sweating or cold, clammy hands
• Hot flashes or chills
• Chest pain, pressure, or discomfort
• Nausea, diarrhea, other abdominal distress
• Frequent urination
• Tightness in the throat, difficulty swallowing, feeling of something stuck in the throat, choking
• Digestive disturbance (such as upset stomach)
• Stress cardiomyopathy (aka "broken heart syndrome" - when you feel all the symptoms of a heart attack but it is not an actual heart attack

Vigilance and Scanning

• Heightened arousal (hyperarousal)
• Agitation
• Sense of being "geared up"
• Easily startled
• Irritability, outbursts of anger
• Difficulty falling or staying asleep
• Impaired concentration
• Heightened awareness of surroundings in order to be "on guard" (hypervigilance)
• Physiologic reactivity upon exposure to events, stimuli, and/or internal or external cues that remind you of the loved one, the death, events associated with it, and/or other painful reactions to the loss

~Rando, 2011 (In Press)

Picture: http://www.fotosearch.com/photos-images/anxiety.html

From lecture of Therese A. Rando, Ph.D, BCETS, BCBT July 9-10, 2010 in "Clinical Interventions in Grief and Mourning," and "Intervening After Sudden and Traumatic Death: Contending with a Special Type of Complicated Mourning," used with permission of the author

Thursday's Therapy - 25 Major Reactions Socially After Your Child's Traumatic Death ~Therese A. Rando, Ph.D., Complicated Mourning - Part Six

Thursday's Therapy

25 Major Reactions Socially After Your Child's Traumatic Death

~Therese A. Rando, Ph.D., Complicated Mourning

Part Six

What are Some of the Major Reactions we might Expect After the Traumatic Distress of our Child-Loss?

Over these several weeks, we are walking through many of the myriad ways that Child-Loss grief and mourning may be impacting you. As we have said before, since we are multi-dimensional people, grief and trauma will impact us multi-dimensionally! As you probably have observed by now, grief is not the one-dimensional creature we thought it was before we began going through child-loss. Unfortunately, those around you still think your grief should be one-dimensional and therefore fairly easily worked through. So when the expectations around you begin to feel "crazy-making" to you, perhaps you can pull out these lists to remind yourself why this grief is so complicated and therefore so long-term!

Several Dimensions of our Child-Loss Grief:

• Psychological
• Cognitive/Mental
• Behavioral
• Social
• Physical
• Spiritual

Since each of these Dimensions of our Grief entails myriad symptoms, we are addressing one dimension of Child-Loss Grief each week. Today, we look at the Social Dimension of Child-Loss Grief due to our coping with both Trauma and Loss.

25 Major Social Reactions You May Have After Your Child's Traumatic Death:

The first 15 of these are from Dr. Rando, 2011 (In print).

The last 10 of these reactions are from observations made by Tommy and me as we grieve:

Dr. Therese Rando's 15 Major Social Reactions of Child-Loss Grief

1. Lack of interest in other people due to preoccupation with one's beloved child and the loss
2. Lack of interest in usual social activities
3. Social withdrawal from others, Distancing from others
4. Decreased interest for relationships
5. Being critical of others
6. Manifestations of anger with others
7. Loss of or changes in usual patterns of social interaction
8. Feeling alienated from others
9. Feeling detached from others
10. Feeling estranged from others
11. Jealousy of others without loss
12. Clinginess and Dependency on others in some grievers, (More Independence needed by other grievers)
13. Avoidance of being alone in some, (Increased need for Alone time in others)
14. Decreased motivation, energy, direction for relationships
15. Increased manifestations of irritation with others

~Rando, 2011 (In Print)

(Parenthetical notes in numbers 12, 13 mine)

The Princes' 10 Additional Major Social Reactions of Child-Loss Grief:

1. Hypervigilance toward potential threat from other people
2. Feeling less understood by others in regard to the depths and demands of child-loss grief, Feeling like an outcast, or like we're walking through a parallel universe to those civilians who live outside our Child-Loss-Grief "War"
3. Heightened awareness of toxicity of persons in order to discern which relationships are now safe
4. Increased desire for relationships with other child-loss grievers
5. Increased fear of hurting others due to our own awareness of how others' insensitivities have hurt us
6. Increased or Decreased compassion toward others depending on the unique inclinations of each griever
7. Increased desire to hear, read, or learn about the particular grief reactions of other child-loss grievers
8. Seeking new relationships from a broader audience than one's family, church or community by searching for like-minded people via the internet or other avenues
9. Not comfortable being in large crowds
10. Feeling that being around other child-loss grievers is where one can be more real during deep grief: As one child-loss grieving mother said to me,

"When I go to work, that is not reality; when I am around other child-loss grievers, THAT is reality!"

~a fellow grieving mother

~Tommy and Angie Prince

Image from http://www.fotosearch.com/BDX364/bxp125338/

Content excerpts from July 9 and 10, 2010 Lectures by Therese A. Rando, Ph.D. in Chattanooga, Tennessee, Also to be published in 2011

Tuesday's Trust - Descent to Hell: 4 Years After She Goes to Heaven, We Go to Hell?

Tuesday's Trust

Descent to Hell:

4 Years After She Goes to Heaven, We Go to Hell?

Days of death

Take my breath,

Take me under,

Torn asunder.

Days of death divide

Husband from his bride.

Fears of abandonment

O'ercome love's sentiment.

Marriage of thirty-one years,

Pure sweetness, plundered by fears.

Tell me, when was Satan unleashed:

Did child's death deem demons bequeathed?

Love that could not be any sweeter

Is left to totter, then to teeter.

In dark days of death how could we have known

Subsequently would sever from God's throne...

Leaving us tripped up, tied, toyed with by Vile One,

Rendering Love's secure foundation—undone.

Our only Hope, the Son-Who-holds-together, come

To rescue from terrible depths of Hell we've plumb.

He Who in death, into the depths of Hell did descend,

May He plumb Hell's depths again, our severed souls to mend.

Poem - Descent to Hell: 4 Years After She Goes to Heaven, We Go to Hell? - Angie Bennett Prince - 8/1/10

Hell: artist: miburit http://www.fotosearch.com/photos-images/hell.html