Wednesday's Woe - Adrift

Adrift...

Yes, I knew you were a part of us...

But when by fate you had to go away,

I did not know you held the heart of us....

I did not know you were our heart’s causeway—

So our hearts went under in death’s floodway,

Leaving muddied our once clear life purpose…

Gulping salty tears, blocking breath’s airway,

We cannot breathe under such grief cumbrous,

Engulfing peace, we’re left adrift... anxious…

Coming unmoored, unsteered,

we’ve lost our way.

I don’t know why you were taken away.

Taking out hearts leaves an empty carcass…

O baby girl, were you our life’s mainstay?

Jesus, take th’ wheel; restore Your life in us!

**********

Written In a letter to his friend (Reverend) Twitchell shortly after his 24-year-old daughter Susy’s death, Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain) very poignantly said,

You know our life—

the outside of it—as the others do—

and the inside of it—which they do not.

You have seen our whole voyage.

You have seen us go to sea,

a cloud of sail, and the flag at the peak;

and you see us now, chartless, adrift—derelicts;

battered, waterlogged, our sails a ruck of rags,

our pride gone.

For it is gone. And there is nothing in its place.

The vanity of life was all we had,

and there is no more vanity left in us.

We are even ashamed of that we had;

ashamed that we trusted the promises of life….

I did know that Susy was part of us;

I did not know that she could go away,

and take our lives with her,

yet leave our dull bodies behind.

**********

Which makes me wonder,

Just how common are our child-loss agonies of feeling…adrift?

Samuel Clemens about his oldest daughter Susy, quoted in I Know This Much is True by Wally Lamb, pp. 450, 454

Photos: http://www.fotosearch.com/photos-images/adrift.html

Poem – Adrift – Angie Bennett Prince – 10/28/09

Tuesday’s Trust - Patient Trust...Perfect Peace

Patient Trust…

Perfect Peace

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee: because he trusteth in Thee.

Tuesday’s Trust

When I was seven years old, my best friend Penny lost her three-year-old baby sister. Some of the family had gathered around, talking with neighbors who were visiting with them in their yard. Unbeknownst to anyone, three-year old Jan ran out into the street thinking she could go get the mail by herself. The mailman didn’t see her, so he accidentally ran over her...twice (with both wheels)…

The next door neighbor, a teenage friend of the family ran back to his house and called for an ambulance, but the emergency operator did not believe him as some local teens evidently had pulled pranks calling for an ambulance numerous times in the recent past… So the emergency operators refused to call an ambulance out to my friend’s house for her baby sister. The teenage boy had to drive my friend’s mother as she held her 3-year-old baby girl cradled in her arms as fast as he could to the hospital emergency room himself… It was too late; little Jan had died...in her mother’s arms.

My friend’s parents were faithful members of my church. I noticed they did not return to church for a long time after Jan’s death. Even as a young child, I recognized that they could not continue life-as-usual as I knew they must be overwhelmed by their deep grief. When her parents did return to church, I was very impressed with what they had to say.

They told us (the church family) that they were surviving their devastating loss by continually meditating on a verse God had given them. This is the verse I very vividly remember them sharing with us amidst their tears:

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee: because he trusteth in Thee.

Isaiah 26:3 KJV

I remember being very impressed that there was something, anything, that could give these parents peace at such a horrible time in their lives. I was also touched and amazed that God had made Himself known to them in such an intimate way, and that they were able to receive His comfort…

And now I know this same God.

Now I lean on this same verse.

And now I receive His same, very intimate comfort…

And even now, it is all still so amazing to me…

**********

And yet… losing a child is so unbearably painful, my heart is broken.

And today, I feel adrift.

Father, when I have no strength, thank You that You will have mercy and carry me, for I have no energy. And tonight, I wonder how did Mr. and Mrs. Parham do it? Their lives seemed so steady and faithful. And I seem so far at sea…

Adrift: floating without being either moored or steered

Trust: firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something

Though weary, depressed, and adrift, I put my trust in Your reliability, Your truth, Your ability, Your strength, and it will be You that gives me peace in spite of my terrible, woeful, exhausting circumstance. Thank You, Lord.

Thank You that I don’t have to trust in my reliability, my truth, my ability, or my strength, for in truth, it really is not there…

But thank You, that by faith, Your’s is.